confessions of little turtle

Patagonia · Feb 20, 2018, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

people around me want me to be something different....I just want to be me with my mental illness and my sensitivity and my shyness and my taking everything serious...I just want to be me...I don't want to change ME...

I’ve read a great deal from this thread...the background of it...& wonder why. Why now. What’s the purpose. Validation? Vindication? Penance?
It angers me.
Sorry

Fuzzybear · Feb 20, 2018, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I have been treated very well.

I know many have had very different experiences. I am sad for them.

My pdoc is retiring very soon and I am concerned about my care once he retires.

WC

((((((((( Wild Coyote ))))))))))

I’m happy for you that you have a good pdoc

And I’m sorry he’s retiring soon

I hope you find another good pdoc

Fuzzybear · Feb 20, 2018, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

I NEVER FIT IN ANYTHING....maybe a DISFIT...I tried so hard to fit in everywhere...
and broke down trying...of course I wanted my psychiatrist to give some medicine...
very lonely...very lonely....and I never fit into psychiatry giving all those awful strong meds...I wanted to talk...but I didn't know how to talk about peoples most serious problems...things that they did that they felt guilty about...I really wanted to do this...but then I would have to face my own strangeness....I can do that now but I am closer to death and I don't want to go back into that SICK PSYCHIATRY SYSTEM..

psychiatry is very sick...the patient is the last person cared for....the stronger make a very good living off of our illness..sorry for this rant but I am angry about the way we are being treated...

Generally, I think, people don’t want to face their own “strangeness”..

It’s someone else who is wrong...

I do believe some psychiatrists want to help.. but not all.

I personally appreciate this thread and all you share here. Not being able to take meds is horrible... and they are talked about everywhere

so I have no other “options” than to talk.. in all my strangeness

Fuzzybear · Feb 20, 2018, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mulan

Not all psychiatrists are bad, psychiatry in itself is not bad. Just the fact that it exists it's a recognition that mental health problems are real and need care as any other disease.
It's an evolving science. The doctors are primordially people and so very different among themselves...

This is a good post, I agree...

The “DSM” isn’t such a junk bag as it once was

Feb 20, 2018, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

how are your health habits coming along right now...please try to be patient with yourself...

My health habits were quite good until recently when I broke a bone while jogging and had to take bed rest for a few days. Now I am better and have to try to get back to my former daily routine. It's got all messed up.

little turtle · Feb 21, 2018, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I’ve read a great deal from this thread...the background of it...& wonder why. Why now. What’s the purpose. Validation? Vindication? Penance?
It angers me.
Sorry

Patagonia...why are you angry...are you angry at me...

Fuzzybear · Feb 21, 2018, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

yes yes...I am angry at the medical field and my family...maybe more...I am angry at all the people that have screwed me over....I was just being me..

I know what you mean (((((( little turtle ))))))))

I was just being me, and people screwed me over. Sometimes it’s a “life work” letting go of the anger, “anxiety” etc...

I’m glad you’re able to vent here. In my opinion, too many people, including self sometimes, repress, deny etc their feelings. This doesn’t usually help... feelings tend to come out somehow, often in harmful ways to self..

Patagonia · Feb 21, 2018, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

Patagonia...why are you angry...are you angry at me...

The thread is yours, not mine. I apologize that I posted. Sorry.

little turtle · Feb 22, 2018, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patagonia

The thread is yours, not mine. I apologize that I posted. Sorry.

Patagonia----you can post anything you want to here ....it may help us all in our search for the truth...about depression

Fuzzybear · Feb 22, 2018, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

Patagonia----you can post anything you want to here ....it may help us all in our search for the truth...about depression

This exchange warms my heart.. people “owning their stuff” and joining together in the search for our truth,, about depression (and other things)

Feb 24, 2018, 07:20 AM

I m missing one of my friends from pc.He used to counsel me when I was severely depressed and anxious and then he disappeared

little turtle · Feb 24, 2018, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

I m missing one of my friends from pc.He used to counsel me when I was severely depressed and anxious and then he disappeared

can you say more...

Feb 24, 2018, 09:20 AM

He used to chat with me for hours and give me suggestions about how I should try to go out of the house, do a bit of cleaning and gardening even if I was depressed. He used to say how proud he was of me coz I tried to do everything in spite of the severe depression and panic attacks I had every day. I had a suspicion that maybe he was a pdoc or therapist himself coz he knew how to counsel. He used to send me pictures of his dog and two cats to make me feel happy. But he has disappeared suddenly and I miss him. He was a nice person and a good friend. Said his name was Brian

Fuzzybear · Feb 24, 2018, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

Patagonia...why are you angry...are you angry at me...

Fuzzybear · Feb 25, 2018, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

He used to chat with me for hours and give me suggestions about how I should try to go out of the house, do a bit of cleaning and gardening even if I was depressed. He used to say how proud he was of me coz I tried to do everything in spite of the severe depression and panic attacks I had every day. I had a suspicion that maybe he was a pdoc or therapist himself coz he knew how to counsel. He used to send me pictures of his dog and two cats to make me feel happy. But he has disappeared suddenly and I miss him. He was a nice person and a good friend. Said his name was Brian

I remember him too...

(((((((( Desiree ))))))))))

katydid777 · Feb 25, 2018, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

people around me want me to be something different....I just want to be me with my mental illness and my sensitivity and my shyness and my taking everything serious...I just want to be me...I don't want to change ME...

Little Turtle, I hope you are doing well. I hope I haven't made you feel bad about anything. I pray that you can be, do, feel, ect what ever way you wish. Please don't feel pressured to be any way that you don't wish to be. You are a very special person, and always will be! I do miss our short little chats, but I realize that You, like me are here for certain reasons, and I respect that. Just know I will always be your friend, and if you ever need, you know where I am.

little turtle · Feb 26, 2018, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katydid777

Little Turtle, I hope you are doing well. I hope I haven't made you feel bad about anything. I pray that you can be, do, feel, ect what ever way you wish. Please don't feel pressured to be any way that you don't wish to be. You are a very special person, and always will be! I do miss our short little chats, but I realize that You, like me are here for certain reasons, and I respect that. Just know I will always be your friend, and if you ever need, you know where I am.

thank you so much katydid....I want to tell you something...but I will tell you here for everyone to see..

I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS....I have been trying to get other people....like my wife.. to accept that I have a mental illness...to understand me....well that hasn't happened....and now I realize that I NEED TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME...I am doing that now....I am not as defensive about my mental illness...I am even making fun of some of my funny ways...I am not as defensive with others...even when they want to be critical of me...they might also have a problem with themselves...they may be people who like to blame others for their own faults...

Fuzzybear · Feb 26, 2018, 10:53 AM

Or.. they may be people who like to project their own faults onto others..

Not very many people seem to understand me either

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

thank you so much katydid....I want to tell you something...but I will tell you here for everyone to see..

I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS....I have been trying to get other people....like my wife.. to accept that I have a mental illness...to understand me....well that hasn't happened....and now I realize that I NEED TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME...I am doing that now....I am not as defensive about my mental illness...I am even making fun of some of my funny ways...I am not as defensive with others...even when they want to be critical of me...they might also have a problem with themselves...they may be people who like to blame others for their own faults...

Fuzzybear · Feb 28, 2018, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

thank you so much katydid....I want to tell you something...but I will tell you here for everyone to see..

I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS....I have been trying to get other people....like my wife.. to accept that I have a mental illness...to understand me....well that hasn't happened....and now I realize that I NEED TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME...I am doing that now....I am not as defensive about my mental illness...I am even making fun of some of my funny ways...I am not as defensive with others...even when they want to be critical of me...they might also have a problem with themselves...they may be people who like to blame others for their own faults...

Critical horrible judgemental people ... make me very grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

little turtle · Mar 01, 2018, 10:40 AM

I have a problem with my antidepressant...I just switched to a different generic..same citalopram ...same dose....now I am feeling really energized...maybe a little manic...more talkative...I worry a little...these damn drugs are hard to get off of...I have been on them for years...but I am still alive and able to complain about it...

Fuzzybear · Mar 01, 2018, 12:40 PM

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Mar 03, 2018, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

I have a problem with my antidepressant...I just switched to a different generic..same citalopram ...same dose....now I am feeling really energized...maybe a little manic...more talkative...I worry a little...these damn drugs are hard to get off of...I have been on them for years...but I am still alive and able to complain about it...

Checked that citalopram is also an SSRI. I rather like SNRIs but my pdoc is afraid to prescribe an SNRI as though it decreases depression too fast, it causes me to get manic and aggressive. Wish I wouldn't get manic-aggressive on this drug so that I could enjoy its benefits.

little turtle · Mar 05, 2018, 08:35 AM

i was addicted to valium...it really helped me...it was hard going off...
I still have a supply ready if things start going downhill...like a panic attack..

Mar 06, 2018, 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

i was addicted to valium...it really helped me...it was hard going off...
I still have a supply ready if things start going downhill...like a panic attack..

I have my pdoc appointment today aft. I will tell him about the persisting depression and anxiety