Occult

i dont know where, i looked...
is there a place designated here that i can ask/talk about the occult

i don't want to step on any toes or cause any issues, dont want to offend or convert, i just need to understand what may i have done... or become, or am... or am not...

note, i do not claim any branch or division, i am just trying to figure my twisted and tormented mind out..
because i more than likely allowed this to happen

i am not going to mention any specifics... but i i do mention oddities which seem from the occult... so dont read if you may be triggered...



maybe its not so bad, maybe i am just exaggerating...

i looked here for a subforum but i didnt see an appropriate place... if there is one, maybe it is hidden from me...
sorry about even bringing up such a subject...

i have never talked about it... and im not sure i can...

its stupid anyways, grr... i just was wondering fi there was a place i can ask - before i delete this and my mind changes

Hello elevatedsoul: Well... the Skeezyks is no one to be making any pronouncements with regard to where a topic should or should not be posted. Personally I would suggest the Other Mental Health Discussion forum as one possibility:

Other Mental Health Discussion - Forums at Psych Central

If you have a particular forum you'd like to post this in, you could send a Personal Message to one of the Moderators asking if it would be okay to post this type of Thread in that forum. You could also contact any member of the Community Liaison Team.

I'm not sure where and I think I understand what you're talking about to a degree. I go through something similar with my family fearing for my soul along with just being afraid and on edge around me. I hate it, makes me feel like I'm some sort of monster. Am I apart of the occult? No.
There is a line where what you're dealing with and what I'm dealing with are separate and distinct from one another. And don't feel bad for posting this. That's what we're here for, to help one another and that can't happen if you don't ever speak. I'm not entirely sure about everything you're talking about, though. Could you explain in some more detail?

Would the Spirituality Support Chat be helpful?

I'm not sure what you mean. "Occult" can mean different things to different people, can be viewed as negative to those frightened by it and positive to those quite comforted about it. One thing though is that it is greatly misunderstood - including by those who espouse to practise it for entirely the wrong reasons. It is not about being cool. It is not about being angry. It, as with other spiritual practices is about establishing a relationship with what one consideres to be Divine. It should NEVER be about a negative, hurtful, or exclusionary purpose.

I myself am an eclectic pagan but I am pretty versed about what else is out there. Feel free to drop me a line via a PM.

some locations the occult is a religion (satanic for example) based on that Im guessing there isnt.

that said many mental disorders deal with this because of paranoid hallucinations\delusions of believing people can read ones mind, put hex's on them making them do and see things that are not real that kind of thing so on that side of the coin it .....could.....fit anywhere that deals with psychotic symptoms like this.

but if you are talking about you actually performing magic and allusions and other paranormal activities it ....might....fit in general social forums where entertainment and distractions are.

maybe a moderator can tell you for sure depending upon what you mean by the occult discussions.

Hi,

I didn't see anything in your post that sounded occult-like. Do you mean you feel as if your thoughts are "dark" which might make you interested in things like the occult (which is an interesting topic, in my opinion, and not upsetting at all).

--Ceara1010

I too am confused by this post as to what version of the word you refer. I do however have some knowledge and experiences, both good and bad. Feel free to PM me.

im sorry by this post...

sometimes i feel like maybe the things i have done maybe have corrupted something that we would call a soul...
i am by far not an evil person and have never tried to use anything against any other human or creature ..

just sometimes i feel like maybe something beyond what i can explain ... "Wants me"

and i don't know what to say...
honestly i dont want to talk about it because the more i acknowledge it the more presence it has...
and i have tried to push it away for a long time, which i think has been semi-successful... in the sense that i am still alive, still not evil... still not practicing or worshiping anything and have not made any contracts or sold anything to any deity or entity...

but i know many things... even though i seem to walk in a form of limbo...
but i cant go into it because i cant talk about it because i dont want to think about it because i just want to pretend like i am not in this ... this.... whatever, it doesnt matter...

when i posted this im not sure what i was thinking... maybe i was scared, i dont know...
its hard for me to define these things...

and i just dont think i want to involve anyone else... so im not sure why i even put it here... because it could just be some silly thing in my head, or just another trick i seem to like to play on myself... not that i like it.... but other parts of my mind want to control you know... maybe i am a little smart and i use it against myself... but i think i must be pretty stupid to do some of the things i do...

well... i mean it could just be some weird psychotic stuff, who knows... sometimes i hope it is so that its not real...
but i dont really have a problem with psychosis so it makes me think that it is probably just my rational mind going a bit crazy because it slips out of my control...
which probably maybe could be not much indifferent from which psychosis is... ?
but to me my understanding of psychosis is that it involves paranoia... delusions.. hallucinations which are visual and auditory...
and i dont have a problem with that... so it can be scary sometimes when some real things happen... but its fine...

i kind of forgot about this post but i just want to say that im really maybe possibly the sweetest guy you could meet... kind... loving..
so i just dont want anyone to think bad of me because i do have the avatar of a skull in a robe...
but i use the avatar because i feel i have been alive for eons and my misery will not succumb to time.... it doesnt even have anything to do with the occult to me, just what i feel like...
so dont think im a bad person please....

but i have studied and researched many things that people fear the names of and words of... i have had a great deal of nightmares and terrors because of things i researched...
i say research because its not just a book i read but things i studied... some people say research when they just google something a few nights but i spent many years... even today find myself trying and searching and seeking...

you see i was raised christian, so i have a bit more than just the regular thought about certain subjects... because christians can be fearful...
especially when you talk about the books of the dark... but when you have a life like me you have no choice but to turn everything upside down....
you have no choice but to look for the answer because you need a reason....

a truth...

i have nightmares to this day from some things, but night terrors dont bother me so much anymore because i cant tell much real life from the dream life... it all feels the same besides waking life seems to last longer than the dream life... until sleep hides from you, but you are asleep in the dream and cant wake up...

but i dont know what im thinking... i think i broke my mind...
so i cant go on... and i dont know how to talk...

i seem to have fallen in with the wrong group of people, which may have had good intentions... at one point... but maybe the things i initiated caused a type of watch over me... a connection that im not sure how to break... and i am worried that make the ones that noticed me are not really interested in letting me forget...
because in this realm time is not a factor... but what power can be attained is... and i refuse to let anything take me or use me in the way that i feel some things want some times...

i am not sure how to say it without really causing any problems...
without really making myself look like a mad man... because anyone that has ever met me would tell you how i am... but sometimes it seems i am too good... sometimes it seems that i attract things that are beyond my strengths...
i am no longer with them... it has been years...

im not very sure why i posted this here in the first place...
maybe i was scared and wanted someone to be with me....

my head hurts....

((((((((((((( soul )))))))))))))

Are you by any chance in therapy right now? It sounds to me like you have quite the internal battle going on and I'm sure it's exhausting and quite frightening at times.

Somehow, I don't get the impression that you are this bad person you feel you are. Could it be the old tapes from years gone by are being played over and over again to remind you of these very negative things to keep you spinning and questioning but not finding answers?

It sounds like you need balance. And someone to talk to.

well..

i saw a therapist today :/

im just worried about sending her to therapy

sometimes i can be cold ... but im warm, its just no feeling involved...
i say something shocking, i realize... oh... i forgot... that stuffs not normal...

i have been having an internal war for a very long time
but ive grown to think the 2 sides are together... they just need each other... good and evil... then me... but its all me
it doesnt really matter

im really tired because i have been fighting for a long time...
but i am so tired because i wont let myself give up
to be a worse enemy, and to be a best friend...

but im still trying to figure out if this isn't a dream

i HATE waiting rooms.......

You'll get there. And don't worry, this is what she signed up for. You deserve the chance to get some help.