I need a Mom

I need one so badly
And to think that i have my very own at home right now ... well it just kills me.
I need a relationship with her is what i need. I need to know that i'm cared for, that i'm loved .... and that all that isn't out of obligation.
I need this to heal the emptiness that is so far deep inside of me ... and I have no idea where to start.
I hate that i'm the cause of so much of her pain ... knowing full well that i was hurting her by not being the daughter i should have been. I should be more accepting ... more open ... more loving towards her.
Now i feel its too late. Too late to openly talk to her when its something we've never done. To express to her how much hurt i've felt from her actions ... or lack there of should i say.
I realise we have different communication skills, and that i've never even came close to verbalizing my feelings - regarding anything of importance. But now i don't know where to start. How to i even (SLOWELY) express to her how much i need her? How much i need a mother? How desperately I need to feel loved.
My heart aches so much thinking about it, and i feel sick to my stomach.
I just .... just need to feel loved. I need my mother.

(((((((((((Jacq))))))))))))))))

I wish I had some thoughtful advice for you my friend, but all I can say is that I very much doubt you're the cause of so much of her pain. You could try writing her a note and telling her how you feel (even a little bit). Maybe that could work, I really don't know... I'm sorry.

Get in contact with me, I miss talking to you.

You sound so much like me. Don't leave things until they are too late.... like I did

oh ((((((((((((( jacq ))))))))))))))

you made my eyes sting reading that, honey.

i'm so sorry it hurts to feel that wide-open sore/pain.

please nurture the part of you that needs her mom as you can, hon.

KD

Thank you all so very much
((((((((((((((((Christina, Fuzzy, KD))))))))))))))))

I wish that i could say i feel better this morning, but if anything i feel worse from lack of sleep and crying too much .... but life shall go on.

I emailed my Aunt (mom's sister) after i made this post, and I guess went into greater depth about things. She has three daughters of her own, and out of everyone knows how i feel best, and knows my mother best. I haven't yet heard back from her, but i'm hoping that maybe this will be one step further to actually communicating with my mom.

Sigh. Its going to be another long day at work

I actually cried when I read your post. Everyone needs a
MOM that loves them no matter what. It is suppose to be a
MOm's dream to have children,to give advice and especially to feel loved.

I come from a sad situation,my parents got divorced when I
was 14 yrs old. My father left my MOM, with 5 children, all
under the age of 14,except for me. I was the oldest. He
left when my baby sister was only eight months old.My
mother did not know how to drive,or speak English that
well. She did end up working at a laundry company,they
washed sheets, towels for HOTELS. She had to take
a train and 2 buses to get there. That is the one thing that
I love about my MOM, she 's a survivor, who gave us not
material things, but what we needed most in our life,LOVE,
and knowing she would always, no matter if we disappointed her. And I can tell you we did. I'm not saying
my Mom is perfect because she's is not. But yet, I LOVE
my MOM with all my heart,because she stood by us even
in her crisis. I hope you can get back with your MOM &
I will say a prayer that everything works out for you.

Thinking of you,please take care.

(((((((((((((((sassypants)))))))))))))
I'm so sorry to hear about your family situation too .... it sounds like you've got one heck of a strong mother, and i'm sure that its rubbed off on her daughter as well.
Hang in there and PM whenever if you want to talk
Take good care of you too
Jacq

i am in the same situation ...oh well we have to go on...sending good thought and energy to you
lady wolf

I would like to think that your mom would feel as many of us here have after reading your post. You might give it to her to read. I mean, if there is no relationship already, there isn't much to lose, right? Most moms have a bond with their child...as hidden as it seems to be at times (especially when you're a teen!)

((((hugs)))

(((Jacq)))

Start with asking her questions about growing up, her own childhood stories. That worked for me with my stepmom. I learned she and I weren't that different but had some of the same problems which is where some of our communication difficulties came from. I don't believe it is ever too late to begin learning better communication skills and "start" or heal a relationship.

Thank you all so much for your replies and your support. I know i need to tell her ... communicate with her in some form or another, but now i'm so scared. I don't know if i have the strength or courage in me to do it. Not without it only making my distance myself more because of embarassment and shame