[anna342]

I'm so exhausted from hating the world. It's nearly 3pm and i'm still in bed, havent washed, changed or even brushed my teeth (which I'm normally obsessive about). My family don't understand what is going on with me and if I don't pull myself together before they get back from work, I'll get in bad trouble.

I've also got things I need to do, only phoning people and sorting things out, but I just can't seem to work anything out and just can't phone them. I can't make a decision even though it's obvious what I should do. I'm so scared of failing I just want to hide, do nothing, so I can't be wrong.

I can't actually think about or remember anything at the moment. I can't focus or do anything but lay in bed with my laptop and ramble on here. I don't even know what I'm saying, its just coming out. I thought my new antidepressants- setraline- were working, I've had a few alright days, and some where I guess I was slightly high, but its still more often than not that I just can't face the world and everything that goes with it.

I'll stop now.

[EJ711]

(((((((Anna)))))))

Hope you're feeling better soon.

I have been having a hard time motivating myself the last couple of weeks too.

Hopefully we will both find a way to go on soon.

EJ

[gostryter]

((((((((((((((anna342))))))))))))))

hi sweetie! hope you are feeling better!!

you don't have to stop posting...i ramble on and on...i ramble WAY more than you just did!!! sometimes you just have to keep typing. that's ok that's what the forums are for....

big hugs to you!!!!

I hope your able make a little progress today - like get out of bed. It won't be easy. It never is.

When your mind is going in circle and the thoughts are racing through sometimes posting here is the only answer.

I wish you the very best.

((((((((((((anna342)))))))))))))

[anna342]

Thanks for your replies, I got out of bed, but that is all. I feel like such a failure. I'm 20 and a student, I should be going off on holidays like everyone else is doing in the summer or going out partying, having fun with mates and living life. But no, i spend my days laying in bed hating everything around me. If I go out it'll only be because someone else is taking me. I hate the thought of getting dressed. It is the worst thing of all to me. I just can't bear wearing normal clothes, I live in pj's and hoodies. I don't feel right otherwise. It's like I'm so scared of seeing myself for what I am.

[stefano]

Hello Anna,
it is very good that you are curing your depression at your age. I wish I had started so young. Well, antidepressants need patience, lows still happen, but are supposed to be less low and shorter. If not, the psychiatrist will adjust your prescription.
I don't think you are depressed because your are a failure. On the opposite: you fail often because you are depressed. It is how it works, I can see it with myself. So be patient, heal yourself (therapy is fundamental too) and you will not fail anymore, except sometimes like everyone else.

And keep posting here!

The best of luck

[meander]

Hey Anna,

sounds like you've got it rough. I'm a similar age to ya (21) and been fighting depression with varying degrees of success since I was 18, so if you want to PM me to talk more, feel free, I like talking to people through PC :-)

congrats for making it out of bed, it's an achievement in itself. Maybe set yourself a small, easily achievable goal for tomorrow and try to do that, don't worry about anything else. Then if you can manage to do it, you'll have one small victory under your belt :-)

are you seeing a counsellor or therapist? I'm guessing you're a university (college) student, my uni has free sessions, so maybe worth investigating at yours?

(((((anna)))))

I hear you hun and I am right there with you. I hope you know that you are not alone and reaching out here is a big start. Sometimes it is all you can do to just reach and that can be the biggest step of all. We are here and listening and holding you up when you cannot do it yourself. I am glad you posted, I hope you will keep reaching out here. Take one day at a time and one moment at a time. Each moment we make it through is another moment we defeat depression. You are worth so much and I hope you will feel the support here. Take care hun and know I am listening.

purplesecrets

[anna342]

Thank you all for your replies

Meander- I see a counsellor at uni already, and I also see a psych and am in contact with the local crisis team and community mental health teams. It all helps to some degree, but I find it hard to imagine getting through this sometimes.

And to all of you, it means a lot to me that you are here for me, I find it hard to express myself for fear of not being understood IRL, so I am glad that there are sites like this.

Today was only slightly different in the sense that I got up and tidied a little of my room today. I just have this overwhelming want to be asleep, at least then I can cut out the anxiety, the bad thoughts and having to be in my body, I can float away.

{{{{{{anna}}}}}}}

I go thru the same-thing most everyday. I bought the loudest clock I could find, set it across the room. So I have to get up and turn the damn thing off. Once I realize I'm vertical, its not so bad. So I work my on down the hall etc.

Baby steps, all about moment-moment.... We won't let you fall.........

[Sabrina]

I understand completely! One of my biggest coping mechanisms is to stay in bed and just hide. I allow myself to do it once in a while.

Well done on getting something small done yesterday! It is so hard when there is no desire to do anything at all! So be proud of yourself for it is a wonderful achievement!

Hang in there and keep on posting!