[riri111]

i am a 26 year old female.it all started when i was just 15.i was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety.there were issues i was never able to overcome.i was suicidal.life has been horrible since then.no meds,doctors,therapies could help me.my parents and i are tired of my illness.i even developed social anxiety.i have attempted suicide 4 times...but was saved every time.i have stopped taking medicines...even my doctors were hopeless.!
sometimes i am just moderately depressed but never free from it...negative thoughts constantly hit my mind..i had to drop out of college due to this illness.i completed studies via correspondence.
i do nothing all day...i feel just tired and bored..i have decided not to get married.i don't do a job because of social anxiety.everything is so dark...i used to be a straight a student...my grades dropped slowly and slowly.depression took everything from me...my faith,my confidence,happiness,my dreams,hopes everything.
i dont know how to say how i feel....when i was not meant for this world,why was i sent here......oh God.....!!!

[Clara22]

Hi riri,
I am sorry you are struggling this way. You said you had better times when your depression became milder. Do you remember any particular detail of that time? I mean, something that could help you to identify some factors intervening in your depression?
I send you a big hug

[Fuzzybear]

[Hopeofreedom]

You basically described me. It sucks to suffer. Have you thought about taking meds? It helped me at least lift the darkness so I could at least think about my future.

I'm 27 by the way. I work as a CNA Which helps take my mind off my condition while also helping others. My job keeps me connected to others as well.

Plus you can work one on one with you patient so it doesn't spike my anxiety😊.

[elevatedsoul]

i feel you..
are you trying anything now..?

[Wild Coyote]

I understand, at least to some degree.
I just went through approx. 15 years of a black hole in my life, one where no meds helped and my docs had no idea of what to do.

I was also in chronic pain, which could not be controlled with the strongest pain meds, etc.

The medical problems, the chronic pain and the depression and c-PTSD just kept reinforcing/triggering more of one another. It has been a nightmare.

I am having a better summer since changing meds around (again). My docs said they had no major hope of a change for the better. Yet, here I am, feeling quite a bit of improvement this summer, much to everyone's surprise.

I look back at that period, those years of such a deep, dark, hopeless chasm and shiver, wondering how I made it through? I wonder how my loved ones stood by me? I can only recall parts of that time.

I know I have grown as a person and have more insight and wisdom than before. I know I have grown spiritually, as well.

I hope you can hang on, keep trying treatments and can also find some reprieve -- soon.

My heart goes out to you, Dear Soul!


WC

[Always Hurting]

I can relate

[riri111]

Originally Posted by Clara22

Hi riri,
I am sorry you are struggling this way. You said you had better times when your depression became milder. Do you remember any particular detail of that time? I mean, something that could help you to identify some factors intervening in your depression?
I send you a big hug

yes those times were when i quit colleges(i joined another college after a year and so) and i felt like a huge burden was off my shoulders.i felt 'now i wont have to worry about exams,class tests(i could not concentrate on studies,it caused a lot of irritation,it still does though)i did not have to fake smiles and lie to people that i was doing okay!!.the pressure was off so i felt kinda good.i used to call my cousin to stay with me.i would talk to her and got somewhat distracted.now she has got married and rarely visits.

but after few months the question was,what is my future?what will i do alone in this world??and those feelings would again come back in a new form.............

[riri111]

those better times were when i dropped out of colleges.now i did not have to worry about faking smiles and lying that i was doing fine.i was free from exams and class tests.it was really hard for me to concentrate on studies and caused irritation.but after few months question was what will i do in future,in this mean world...and depression would increase again in a new form..

Depression is cruel. It rips from you everything you have and leaves you broken and empty. It's never easy and anyone who has been depressed, can attest to that. I'm so sorry you're struggling so hard. You're not alone, I hope you find some comfort in that. You are definitely not alone.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by riri111

those better times were when i dropped out of colleges.now i did not have to worry about faking smiles and lying that i was doing fine.i was free from exams and class tests.it was really hard for me to concentrate on studies and caused irritation.but after few months question was what will i do in future,in this mean world...and depression would increase again in a new form..

Is always your depression linked to situations where you feel too overwhelmed? I am asking this because it happens to me. The more overwhelmed, the more depressed