Does my particular cluster of symptoms seem like depression or something else?

Rather than simply reading symptoms of particular disorders and seeing how I fit the profile, I decided to list some of my symptoms here (I suspect many of them point to depression) and see what other members think. So, here are some of the things I think and feel:

• Everything seems sad, grey and meaningless. Even happy things have little effect on my general outlook and lose their capacity to make me feel sunnier very quickly.
• I look at others and imagine they must be sad too. I can't fathom how they could possibly be happy. Except for those people who seem to have genuine, solid bonds with others.
• Life-long inability to make deep, meaningful connections with people. Family excluded, I've made only one significant connection with another human being who was my girlfriend for a long time. I have a feeling that this might be it for me. No more genuine connections.
• Deep feeling of inadequacy. I second-guess everything about myself. I never feel good enough - ever. But I do sometimes feel superior to others as some misguided defense mechanism.
• I don't know how to read social rules very well. I'm anxious and self-conscious in social environments, never being able to relax.
• I can sometimes achieve a feeling of serenity through the practice of mindfulness, but it doesn't last long. My general mood is angsty, anxious and blue.
• I go through mood swings during the day, generally feeling better during the day.
• I am scared of life. Paralyzed, even. I'm afraid of trying things, of going for anything outside my very small comfort zone. I procrastinate. I don't feel capable of even doing the simplest tasks and generally put them off.
• I suffer from something called retroactive jealousy, which is basically being jealous of a partner's past, regardless of efforts to overcome it and despite knowing it's irrational.
• Intrusive thoughts about this past are always invading my consciousness.
• I feel extremely insecure about my body, despite having a fairly normal appearance.
• Other than the one relationship I've had (only because she wanted it first, otherwise I would've done nothing about being madly in love with her), I've never had the capacity to form sexual, romantic relationships.
• Not being able to fall in love with anyone except with this one person. Nobody excites me. Nobody enchants me.
• I feel hopeless about the future. I can logically see myself doing things that I enjoy, but I can't honestly feel any joy when I think about my future. I don't see myself being able to form genuine connections with others.
• I feel that life is essentially meaningless and that maybe we're all better off dead - especially me. I feel a deep sadness over this fact.
• I don't enjoy doing anything. Everything makes me anxious, even things I used to like. I am almost constantly restless.
• I have extreme difficulty concentrating in most situations, incluiding work and classes (at uni). It just seems impossible for me to focus. When I do, it's because of caffeine, and then I'm also shaky.

Well, these are the symptoms I can think of now. I would very much like to hear your thoughts and opinions. Thanks!

Hello therainmustfall: Honestly... I wouldn't be able to suggest to you what diagnosis your symptoms might suggest. They certainly sound to me like depression & anxiety... both of which are things I have struggled with over the years. But whether there is more to your condition than that or not is something that would have to be determined by a mental health professional. So, if you're not seeing a counselor or therapist at this point, doing so might be worthwhile. They may be able to help you to figure out specifically what is going on with you & what you can do about it.

Hi, Skeezyks! Thanks for taking the time to reply!
I am currently seeing a psychiatrist and being treated for my symptoms with escitalopram. I was previously diagnosed with OCD, but feel like I've overcome a great deal of it. I do, however, still struggle with the symptoms I listed.

I don't like diagnoses and certainly would never attempt one on another person, and I would hate to see everything you've listed lumped together by some professional and then stigmatized, pathologized, and medicalized into a disorder.

Maybe you're more sensitive than most, or more aware, or more intelligent. There is a price to pay for this, which is not being able to ignore the absurdities and hypocrisies and idiocies of life.

I share some of these traits or difficulties. I don't see any of them as symptoms except not being able to concentrate. Do you have access to a doctor of Functional or Naturopathic medicine? Might be worthwhile to investigate physiological factors related to the concentration problem, as well as general mood disturbances.

Hello & Welcome, Therainmustfall. Besides - or before - the psychiatrist, have you seen a regular doctor? It's generally valuable to "rule out" any number of physical problems (thyroid disorders, anaemias, etc.) that might be present as well.

Please make yourself at home.