[MtnTime2896]

I was a kid who got tasked to do things I knew others kids didn't have to do. I was my parents alarm and nurse when they were hung over, I managed to always screw that up. I was in charge of my sister while they did their thing. I still feel more like her parent than her older sibling. Yet, I failed at that all of the time and I still do. The house was damaged, or the car, I fixed it or at least helped, even then I didn't do a good job. I had to be there and pull my mom out of the way of a moving car; I still always keep an eye on her in fear that she'll make another attempt. When my dad would have any issues during the day, it was my job to listen and be the "verbal punching bag" until he felt better. I was to graduate high school, which is conventionally normal, and I couldn't even do that. I'm suppose to keep a job, can't seem to do that, either. At the very least, I'm suppose to keep my **** together for or at least in front of people. I'm failing at that, too.
It's what I do, I guess. I fail everyone and everything. I let down people I love and wonder why I'm not good enough. It's because I'm not. I'm not good, I'm not successful, I'm not even able to make average. I'm a failure.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm a "failure" too ?

But, I have a degree and a good husband. So maybe just maybe I'm not the utter failure those abusers wanted me to think I am?

But you know what, I'd rather be me and a so called (by some "normals") "failure" than be an up themselves asshole who thinks they have the right to judge and categorise and "fail" others...

The mother said I was her "biggest failure". Ouch. And grrrr

I'm sorry, this probably isn't very helpful. I take issue with people who judge others as "failures" - you do NOT seem like a "failure" to me, whatever that means...

Can you get away from these people?

Idk, I'm very "useless" sometimes and don't have the right advice here..

[mindwrench]

At least we are not alone in this. I'm sorry other people go through it but its good to know we are not alone. I would like to believe I dont care what my parents think, but thats probably some form of delusion I guess.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Idk, I'm very "useless" sometimes and don't have the right advice here..

You're not useless here. You never are.

I could get away from them, but then who would look out for the ones who need it? Who'd be there to talk with and help my mom? Who would have my little sister's back and help her get through her own stuff?
I might be a failure, but I still feel like I have a job. I just wish I could find a way to succeed at it.

I just don't want to keep letting everyone down.

[MtnTime2896]

I'm tired of failing.
I'm tired of hurting.

I think I might just give up. I'm done with this ****, guys.

I'm just done.

We all fail. But if I were going to judge, your parents failed during your childhood, not you. And kids usually don't do things better than adults. I am the oldest in my family and I was also expected to babysit and cook. But it's not right for adults to have unreasonable expectations. Like Fuzzybear, I am married and have a college degrees but manage to screw something up everyday. And honestly, I only received my first degree because of my parent's support. So I know I had it easier than you but one success can lead to another, you just have to get one success under your belt. And sometimes, the most successful people come from tough circumstances.
I totally agree with the idea: "Can you get away from these people?" The way I look at it. When you turned 18, it's your life. You need to concentrate on you. I know you still care, but you just can't help others until you take care of yourself, find your path, and become self-sufficient. It takes time (years).
Have you considered studying for a GED test?
Please keep in mind, that the economy is really tough right now. My children, in their twenties, are currently unemployed. There are many out there who have college degrees and are unemployed. Start making small goals (get a job, save a little money, take the GED, get in shape, etc.) and slowly work toward it. Even if you can only save $50 a month, that is a huge accomplishment and is you save money, make sure it is only for you. No one else. Squirreling some money away always makes me feel like less of a failure. You deserve to have a life!

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate so much with you. I fail at everything I do, too. I'm just useless and worthless

You're not alone in this. I'm sure you're good at something, maybe you just didn't find out yet And , yes, I agree... stay away from who's hurting you.

You have all my understanding and support. I know you don't need it, but..

[Fuzzybear]

I don't know

Society proclaims, endlessly, that if we even screw up one thing, we are "failures".

Then, our minds or society tell us that we are "worthless".

I have not studied logic or philosophy in depth (I'm a "failure") but this seems like very skewed and harmful "logic" to me

If I were to judge, I would also say it's your parents who have failed, not you

You're intelligent and caring, you deserve a good life

[Yours_Truly]

I'm a failure too. My father actually called me a "quitter." And he was right. I've quit almost everything I've ever tried or wanted to do out of fear, fear of failure I supposed?

But I agree with the others. I think you've taken care of your parents long enough & and now it's time for you to concentrate on living your your own life.

"I could get away from them, but then who would look out for the ones who need it? Who'd be there to talk with and help my mom? Who would have my little sister's back and help her get through her own stuff?
I might be a failure, but I still feel like I have a job. I just wish I could find a way to succeed at it.

I just don't want to keep letting everyone down."

The fact that you just feel like that about your mom and your sister means that you are a very special person. But please remember, we can love others and it means SO much to them but we can't "fix" them. I say this because your mom made an attempt. So did I. My attempt was not caused because of my spouse or my children. It was caused because of what was going on inside of me. I had to get educated, get help and be motivated to change. I think I only became motivated because the attempt shocked me into action. My daughter makes me happy but my failures are not because of anything she did.
I also am learning to accept that I can't make their lives be a certain way. First and foremost, what can you do to have a positive effect on you own life? You will not let people down if you take care of yourself. You are worth it.

[Humpty Dumpty]

To me it doesn't seem like you have failed as much as those around you have failed you. This is not your fault. You can only do so much. I am truly sorry you're in so much pain.

[MtnTime2896]

I just can't get my little sister's suicide attempt out of my head. It happened nearing a year ago, it was bad. Now she's stealing medication from me and my mom to get high. I just really feel like I had something to do with this. I was so depressed and upset when I was taking care of her, maybe it's my fault she even thought to do this sort of thing. Not to mention, the drugs. I've never been too into that sort of thing, but I know I've tried to numb myself out a lot, but I think she interpreted it as a "thing kids do". I feel like I really ****ed her up. Maybe if I had hid my issues better, she wouldn't of even considered hurting herself. She's not a failure to me, but I do believe I failed her. I was suppose to protect her and I let her down.

I am sorry you are feeling bad about this. I sometimes worry about how my depression and attempt has effected my family. Too some extent, I have forgiven myself. I really was quite ill and not the person that I had once been. I also can be more forgiving of myself because I am making up for my past by changing my life. I rarely drink and check into my psychiatrist and/or therapist as necessary to ensure I don't get that way again. I think that recovering and staying strong for my family is the best way to atone for what I did.
You are the older sister, not the parent. Obviously, it would be good for you to set a good example for her. You are not the first older sibling to expose a younger sibling to drugs. We all let people down. I am sure the guilt is making it harder for you to recover. But your home environment was a factor and depression is a horrible thing. You have suffered enough. I hope your sister gets better and I hope you can learn to forgive yourself! I truly hope that you can get some of this bad stuff behind you! I still think that setting a goal for yourself and working toward it will help you and be a good example for your sister. You deserve to build a life for yourself that is better than the one you grew up in.

[Frownosaurus Rex]

"I let down people I love and wonder why I'm not good enough."

First off, this is my very first post on here, i'm brand new, so Thank You for letting me respond to you. That statement you made above is telling because what I hear is not "failure," but someone trying to accomplish, succeed, "win," etc., at everything they try to do.

I didn't hear "failure" because you are THERE for people you love and care about with full intent, no matter the outcome. That's not failing.

The way it sounds, you try to better yourself everyday of your life, despite any outcome. Your good and pure intention there makes you a success, so you're not failing there either.

My main concern is who's there for YOU in all this? Is there a decent support structure (i.e. family, friends, etc.) around you?

You're NOT a failure at all, always remember that

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Frownosaurus Rex

"I let down people I love and wonder why I'm not good enough."

First off, this is my very first post on here, i'm brand new, so Thank You for letting me respond to you. That statement you made above is telling because what I hear is not "failure," but someone trying to accomplish, succeed, "win," etc., at everything they try to do.

I didn't hear "failure" because you are THERE for people you love and care about with full intent, no matter the outcome. That's not failing.

The way it sounds, you try to better yourself everyday of your life, despite any outcome. Your good and pure intention there makes you a success, so you're not failing there either.

My main concern is who's there for YOU in all this? Is there a decent support structure (i.e. family, friends, etc.) around you?

You're NOT a failure at all, always remember that

That comment means a lot, so thank you. You actually sound like my freshman biology teacher did, a few years back, he helped me a lot. Since him, I have my fiance and a friend whom I actually confide in; other than them it's all here on PC. I get a lot of support here, especially from all the names you see on this post. There are a lot of good people here, I think you'll fit in. Welcome to PC.

[MtnTime2896]

Thanks everyone for your advice and support. It really does help.