Is this..

Is this my "failure"?

The parental units didn't give a crap when I acquired my honours degree

The only time the father said he was "proud" of me was his speech at my wedding..

I was so stupid I thought things might change after I got married, that they might be able to "love" me..

I'm sorry about this post, I'm pissing in the wind

Is this my "failure"?

No, it's your parent's failure for not being supportive parents.

No not your failure. Their failure
honours degree
You sound like a star to me.

I do not know how everything was in your case, only what you tell us. But I find our parents ( I mean, our generation) had a lot of problems in the affections department. I remember my sister being hurt by my parents (emotionally) and she complaining about it when we grew up. I know she tried to do her best with her kids but, in turn, one of her daughters (one of my nieces) is quite pissed off with my sister (my mom and my sis both passed away).
Basically, I think my mom was a narcissist. But I think her narcissism was a defense. She had a very traumatic childhood. I think my mom somehow damaged my sister abilities, as well. Mine, as well, but I did not have children, so I do not know how much I got.
I do not know if you can picture why your parents exercised a bad parenting. But maybe if you can find out, it will ease your pain a bit. It worked for me. But, of course, I continue to be somebody with problems
I am sending you a big hug

Thanks Clara, none of my peers (apart from some online) had parents with such issues of lack of affection and Narcissism.. I've thought about whether the parental units experienced abuse from their parents, and I'm almost certain they did not..(the father was the "golden child" and I was the "scapegoat".) But their own relationship was "disturbed" and both of them had .... siblings

I don't know if this will answer anything. It seemed like my parents didn't show affection that much. A little bit, but a little bit helped. For some strange reason my parents didn't like my late brother that much. I remembered how abusive they were to him. But I feel like I've been very aware of it only in recent years. I guess that he and I were oblivious to it at the time of us growing up. My brother had passed away a year ago at this time. It seemed like he carried a lot of hurt with him and that may have caused his premature death. He drank and smoked a whole lot. And probably did a whole lot more of other things.

I had to move far away from my parents because I just got sick of them being critical. They were critical to me directly and would constantly say bad things about other people. Including everyone in the family and some of their friends.

I found out, only a few years ago shortly after my parents passed away, that they had not planned on having children. They wanted to get married and not have kids. So I just realized why they acted the way they did. They had four children and I was the youngest.

I'm sorry about your brother.

Fuzzy, I can tell you that I really don't believe you had fault in this. I can also tell you that I feel very similar about my upbringing and with my parents (more so my dad). I know that it's easier to see these things from an outsiders perspective than when it's you who's been abused, neglected and overall mistreated it's like your brain is programmed to self-destruct. I blame myself all of the time for the things that happened to me. Fuzzy, I wish you weren't hurting like this and I wish that your parents hadn't done all those things to you. Just know that despite all of the abuse and lack of affection you endured, you don't act anything like that on here. You're not them. You're better than they could even dream to be. Go easy on yourself, Fuzzy. I'm here if you need me.

I certainly don't see you being responsible for "failing" to impress your parents. I strongly suspect many parents would have been exceptionally proud of you.
Hmmm... Was he truly proud of you, or was he simply saying what he felt the social occasion required of him?

All of this speaks about your parents far, far more than it speaks of you.

((((((( Fuzzybear )))))))

Maybe it's a bit like, when he said (after papa bear and I had got married..)

"We love you at Christmas"

:confused :

That was EXACTLY what I was wondering

Well said!

Oh great,
I screwed up the reply

I meant to put, in another post

Maybe it's a bit like when he said, after papa bear and I had got married, a year or two later?

"We love you at Christmas"

There is no way this is your failure, in fact none of it was

If I may share with you what I have learned personally after realizing my father is a narcissist... The N is incapable of love. You could have been the most amazing person that ever walked this earth and the outcome would have been the same. The N is a failure. Because they only see their own needs and feelings. So, you're not Fuzzybear to them. You're not a person with hopes, dreams, feelings and needs. You're just the scapegoat. Even if you were the golden child, it would seem like they loved you but in reality they would only love their deluded perception of you. Realizing this has helped me tremendously in coming to terms with the fact that it's not my fault that my parents don't love me or even approve of me. And I can love and approve of myself now that I know that.

This is just my personal experience and I don't know if you can relate to it in any way, but I do hope it gives you some food for thought that will potentially bring some relief some day

At any rate: if a person brings a child into this world and then can't or won't provide what the child needs... and after years of abuse and neglect refuses to treat their adult child with dignity and respect... Is their child a failure? Or this parent?

For what it's worth, your PC family and friends love you 365 days a year, not just at Christmas