Lost

Im not sure where to turn now. I went to see my doctor and he mentioned cbt therapy and gave me a number.
I called the number and it was a lady who gave me numbers for ppd support groups. (I saw my doc for anxiety and depression, but i have a 5 month old)
There seems to be no options for a counsellor close by, all therapists cost money or need insurance. Which i dont have.

My husband is acting emotionally abusive.. he needs help for his anger but wont make the move to see a doctor.

I feel out of options. His child support and impulsive spending drains us of every penny. He cant hold down employment but does not want me leaving the children with anybody else while i work.

I dont know where to turn.
I guess this is just a rant at best. Im lost and confused.

He sounds like it's not just anger. He sounds kind of controlling. My dad use to act like that toward my mom, hell he still does (granted he can hold a job, he's had the same one for twelve years). It's not something a kid needs to be raised around. Personally, I think he should shape up or ship out, but that's easier said than done and much easier when you're just a 3rd party observing like myself. I wish I have good advice for you. I can tell you that with all of the verbal abuse, my mom did go to work, she did start to make something of herself despite my dad's constant insults. I don't know how she did, but it proved to me that it is possible.
Wishing you the best.

Thank you. He is controlling.. i never realized it fully until recently while looking for support.
I managed to find therapy thankfully, really looking forward to getting some insight and advice. My anxiety and depression is terrible at the minute.. pretty sure that is situational also.
He started a great job yesterday, ended up breaking something in his hand, drinking with them after work, not coming home and now cant work today.

Its just draining. Im at wits end and me being assertive with him just causes fights and an uncomfortable situation in general.
Iv told him if he doesnt make the calls he has to about his debt, go to the doctors for the anger issues and hold down some kind of job that we are leaving.
It feels horrible to let him down and break our family apart but financially its the only option i have.
I want to work so badly. I cannot afford daycare on my wage alone, being with him i get no extra help and most of our tax benefits goes straight towards his unpaid child support so my kids lose out.
Im thinking while i stay at my parents and he has been working away and now not working, we have no shared address or bank accounts anymore. To claim single and get the help i need so i can go to work and support my children the way they need to be. I dont know what other options i have!!!
Thank you for the kind words.

I'm glad you are going to receive the therapy you need. Maybe working with them you can figure out a way to make it all work out. I'm still sorry that you're even having to put up with this.
Don't get too upset over the option to "break our family apart". Your kids are young right now, so they won't know, but coming from me (someone who grew up in a semi-similar environment) I wish my parents would've divorced a long time before they actually did. You're not letting him down, he's let you down by forcing you to have to make this decision for the sake of your kids. Don't pin undeserved blame upon yourself like that; your husband should've grown up enough to care for his wife and kids.
With enough work, this can get better; it's going to be hard as hell, but worth it.

Thank you! Im so glad too. Just knowing i can finally talk to somebody who will listen makes me feel much more positive.

I know what you mean, i really feel he should be helping and making an effort.. and that i shouldnt feel so guilty about setting boundaries.. but i feel wrong in asking him to do things hes obviously not comfortable with.
Today i tried to sit down and talk about things and he just really blankly refused. Said that im demanding and i have no business in asking him to figure stuff out..
Do you maybe have any advice on how to ask him to make an effort without sounding demanding or insulting?
I said that i needed him to try calling and sorting out his debt so that we can try get ahead together and he gets really defensive.
I dont want to stoop to a level of unkindness but i really need this for my children.

Honestly, I really couldn't tell you how to get through to him. I think the only way he's going to realize that you're serious is if you follow through with what you want to do without his permission. This could really upset him, bad, so it's not very highly recommended. Your therapist should hopefully have a better way of helping you out with how to approach your husband.
Only way I know how to deal with a controlling person (like my dad when I grew up) is to live by the saying "It's better to ask forgiveness than permission." If I wasn't allowed to go to bed, according to him (even though I only had a couple hours 'til my alarm went off for you school) I'd sneak out of the house, go up to my friend's (if he was there) and go to bed. Sure, my dad would be pissed the next day but at least I got to sleep, you know? So, I guess that's what I'm trying to say; do what you need to do for yourself and your child, especially if he's going to have a problem with it, without saying a word.
You know your situation and you know better how your husband will react to stuff like this.
I wish I had better advice on the matter.

Thank you. That makes sense!! I get so nervous about doing things that might set him off.. but maybe if i did just go ahead and do it, he would react in such an ill manner that it would give me enough reason to justify leaving??

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach that i have let this go on so long and blindly ignored it. Not even recognizing what he has been actually doing 😔
It is probably why i have felt so empty and worthless.. because thats exactly what he wanted.

Now every time he is mean, threatening or controlling i can see it. I feel like he is suddenly a stranger to me.. i dont even know this man. I always thought he loved me to pieces... now i see that no man who loved me would treat me this way.

I did try to talk to him last night. I told him that we needed to talk, he refused. He told me my feelings were stupid and have no place in our relationship then proceeded to try to have sex with me.
I almost wish i was blind again... now all i see is my problematic relationship and i know it will never change.. and i dont see a way out. He said he will never let me leave. He said 'you just try it'.

Before you leave, I'd start setting up a plan without his knowledge to leave. If you have a relative or friend you can trust, you should see if maybe it'd be easier to stay with them for a little while and then file for divorce when you know you're safe. If you ever feel he plans to get physical or starts stalking and so on, get a restraining order (at the very least it allows a paper trail for the courts).
My dad, I knew it was unlikely for him to actually lay his hands on me, though I was entirely convinced a few times in my life "This is it. He's going to kill me." He never did and I had someone and somewhere to escape to. It worked out and helped. You're definitely going to need some support to go through with this.
It's a good thing you're not blind to it anymore because now this means that you can begin working to change it all so that your kids can have a better upbringing. I wish my mom would've done that before I can remember. I think my upbringing would've been a lot different. Granted my mom had her own issues to, but a lot of that was brought on by how my dad treated her.
I'd also keep your therapist thoroughly informed so that it's just more evidence and also good support; that and your therapist could probably offer even better advice.