Having a hard time

I'm having a hard time. Been off meds for about 6 months. Waited one week so far to find out if i qualify for a program with the pharmaceutical company. Still have one week to go. This past week has felt like an eternity and I don't have a clue as to how i'm going to make it through one more week.

I've never felt more down and lethargic. I don't feel like doing anything. I just feel so empty and numb. I work and I have to force myself to work just for a few hours. And working just a few hours has become so exhausting. I don't have anyone to talk to in person. And I can't quit thinking about some things. I don't know what to do anymore. I really do feel like i'm on the verge of "losing it" and can't stand feeling this way.I don't know how much longer i can take this and I have no idea what to do .....Anyone have any suggestions or ideas?

((((((cafegrrrl)))))

First, thank you for giving us the chance to reach out to you. You took a first step by reaching out and posting. That my dear shows an inner strength and you deserve to be heard. I can understand the med thing as I too have been off my meds and trying to get that straightened out. I send you strength and prayers that you will make it through another week.

You are not alone and there are many people here at PC who care about you. We are here to hold you up when you cannot seem to do it yourself. The lethargic feeling I understand and I am sorry you feel that way. Making one's self move is hard, but give yourself credit. Even in forcing yourself to work even a few hours is a big accomplishment. One that is to be commended when you feel like you do.

Exhaustion is hard and in making yourself do what you have to, you are strong. I am sorry you feel empty and numb. I too know those feelings and they are hard to feel. But even in your empty and numbness, you reached out and I am so proud of you. I am reaching right back to you with strength and friendship.

Not having anyone to talk to irl, is tough. But, know you are heard here always. Sometimes things get going in our heads that seem to find a way to keep us in its grip. Getting into a favorite movie or some music you like can distract those thoughts. It is worth a try.

I know how feeling like you are "losing it" feels. That constant feeling yet the desire to snap yourself out of it. Your willingness to reach out and tell what you feel is one way to begin. Knowing you are not alone and that someone is listening helps. And that my dear you are not--alone that is.

I extend my hand to you and all the strength I have. I pray you will keep reaching and posting. For in that reaching, you are pushing aside the empty, allowing others to step in and fill you with courage, strength, and support. I am proud of you and you deserve to be heard and uplifted.

Depression lies to us, and it kicks hard. It does not care who you are or anything. It does not let up. But, in reaching out you are breaking through its grip. Grab my hand, and together we will fight through it. Thank you for posting and giving me the chance to extend my hand to you. Keep reaching. Love you.

purplesecrets

You could be describing me! Feeling like you're losing it is a perfectly natural reaction to dealing with that numb feeling day after day. Sadly, I haven't found a way to get rid of it, but I found that for me, at least, getting more sleep than normal (10-12 hours) helps a little.

You said you can't stop thinking about certain things. If they're causing you stress, maybe it would help to write them out here, or if you're not comfortable with that, maybe write them in a journal.

I know it can feel like you're the only one who feels numb, but trust me, you're not. Even if coming together here only helps a little, it's worth it.

)))cafegrrrl((((

I have no advice, but I wanted you to know I read your post. I hope you get positive information from the pharmaceutical companies. Please try to take care of yourself meanwhile.

Take gentle care,
Dee

I just scheduled another appt. with my doc. I feel like I'm going to be "bothering" them by going back almost 2 weeks after my last appt., but enough is enough. He asked me at my last appt. if I'd be willing to see a shrink and I told him I am but nothing more , was said about it. Hopefully, he'll be able to refer me to someone who offers sliding scale counseling/therapy. I'm also scared of answering some of the questions they'll ask truthfully. I'm afraid if i do, they'll stick my butt in the hospital or something...there's no way I can afford that without insurance and I surely don't want to deal with the family's possible reaction, especially my mom's, since i'm living with her again. Is it really that bad to have certain thoughts if one has no intention of acting on them? This is all so new to me and I just feel so lost.....

I also have to thank you guys for taking the time to read and even respond to all this crap...it's kind of refreshing to know i'm not "the only one"

(((((((((((cafegrrrl)))))))))) i know exactly how you feel. i struggle day by day, too. sometimes, it seems to take eternity to get through each day. you have us here to talk to, so keep posting. you are not "bugging" your doctor. you have a right to seek relief from depression. i know, i feel the same way.... i'm here for you. we all are, in psych central.

You mean suicidal ideas? In a depressive state it is perfectly normal to think about it. No believe me, the men with white coats will not drag you away for this
If self injure is your concern, that is pretty normal too. Nasty, but normal.
If you are scared by the idea of being a strange and unique sicko, that is not absolutely the case. We know that in the USA 1 out of 5 individuals will suffer from some form of depression during his/her lifetime.

So we fixed a few points, OK?

I look forward to hear about your therapy, THAT is vital.

What i'm worried about really is whether or not i should tell them truth when they ask. If i lie, I'm guessing that may hinder treatment. But if i tell the truth, I'm afraid they'll think I'm lying if i tell them I'd never act on such thoughts. I'm also scared they may try putting me in the hospital which is not an option.

I'm willing to do just about anything to make this stop except the hospital/ER.

And i'm just scared because i don't know what to expect or what will happen.

(((CG))). Good for youin seeing a therapist to help you at this time. Tell them as much of the truth as you feel comfortable with at this time, most therapists understand that people do not want to be in the hospital for their disorders, therefore, the more background you can give them the better the Dr and therapist can help you. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care. Soidhonia

I think you can and should say it all. I don't think they'll hospitalize you forcibly. That would require a suicide attempt at least.
Moreover, they know how it oworks, if you are really depressed, you MUST have made some tought about suicide... we all do. 15% of depressed people end up with suicide, how could we not think about it?
If you deny, they will likely conclude that you are too scared to speak the truth. Not a big problem, but trust in the docs helps the treatment.