Lately I've been trying, trying hard, to do things I like . My hobbies are BLEH! And I feel horrible! I am so sad all the time, I cry, and I run,..I'm running away ,..because I'm scared.
I'm so afraid my T will give up on me at some point, I don't understand,. where this depression lies. I do things without thinking like I make ppl happy but I can't continue it because I feel guilty,..and quit,..its a horrible feeling.

I hate being at home! I told my parents this, to try and figure what it is I hate about my home. I just feel outta place, while at my friends house I feel accepted easy going and loved. My mother and I spoke about why I am depressed. We conclude its inherited depression, my grandmother was suicidal my mom di not finish school and was 16 in the 8th grade do to worrying about her mother killing herself.

My grandfather was also very low and not self confident at all. Always looking in the mirrior saying " I get uglier everyday" but this wasn't a sarcastic joke,..he truly hated himself, now my mother does this she said she was depressed until she met my father and still struggles with her emotions.

I play an online game called World Of Warcraft,..I met alot of great ppl on there,...but can't even have fun in the cyber realm of social contact,..its like my depression is taking over, I loose friends damn it,..its so frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

School starts tuesday,..new principal,new teachers, new schedule, new routine..

I'm scared of all goals handed to me,...where do I begin to fix this mess I've created,....god i need YOU!...

i need you Pc!

dustin....i understand and you have every reason to be scared........your situational depression is difficult as it is often not fixed with meds..........it is no wonder that you are uncomfortable at home as alot of your depression stems from your family and past family situations.......my advice would be to try to spend more time with the friends that make you feel a little better.........your therapist will not give up on you but as you go along.if you feel that she is not doing things in your best interest, it might be best to find someone new.........try to look at school as a chance for a new bieginning and new chances to make friends ......love you always.....julia

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Moonkin )))))))))))))))

[debbie_tabor]

Hi Moonkin/Dustin, I think you're doing really well at finding a way out of your depression, with your therapist and your list of issues to address. I might have missed this - are you also seeing a pdoc and trying different meds? It sounds like you might need this too.

(((((((((((mookin/dustin))))))))))......you are in my thoughts...

[stefano]

Well, your approach "where my depression comes from" seems very counterproductive, it's just puzzling you. Just consider that our character, the way our mind works, is mainly built in the first eyars of life, when you are most unaware of everything, and partly also in fetal life... are you going to figure out what could have happened at that time?

If it was possible, you'd better give it up.

I'm telling this as an enthusiast of psychoanalisis and psychodinamic, but guessing out what kind of experiences could have brought me to depression, is an interesting but still futile exercise. It doesn't heal me. It doesn't heal you.

I read our posts and you always mention this issue of the origin as vital. But it is not.

Then, of all your relationships, in this moment the most important is the one with your T.
Hey, the T is a pro, he will not give up on you, unless you give up on him. I mean, if you are afraid that T may dump you, then you don't feel therapy is doing good. Then you should address the issue: "doctor, I feel like I'm concluding nothing, am I right or just too pessimistic?".
Sounds rude? I suggest that you etch this phrase in stone:
THE THERAPIST CAN NEVER BE PISSED OFF

OK?

The best of luck

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
stefano said:

Sounds rude? I suggest that you etch this phrase in stone:
THE THERAPIST CAN NEVER BE PISSED OFF

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I apologize if I am going off of Dustin's topic, but I am quite curious as to why you would believe this statement.

[stefano]

Let me clarify: a T that gets pissed of by direct inquiries from the patient about the efficacy of treatment, and becomes dismissive or irritated, is clearly a bad therapist.
So one should not be conditioned by the fear of hurting the T.

I meant this.