[MtnTime2896]

I know I'm no good. I know it and I'm not writing this for a pity-me party; I'm not looking for attention here. I'm writing what I know is true. I'm a piece of ****. I'm selfish, I'm arrogant, I'm spoiled, I'm a cry-baby who can't get over simple **** and I'm just plain stupid. Not ignorant but stupid, because I obviously can't ****ing learn. I'll never learn. I'm paralyzed in this state of being a worthless piece of crap that deserves every damn thing that's happened to me. I always did.

If I was ever such a good person, then why the hell does everybody keep leaving? They leave or they die. No one stays and the ones that do, they're seeing something in me that's obviously not there. They're delusional to think I'll ever be anything different. I'm not, I'm nothing. I can't hold a job, I can barely get out of the house, I can barely clean the house I reside in, I can't contribute a single thing and I'm ultimately a waste of space. This is who I am. They were right, all of them. I'm no good. No matter how hard I try, I'm still no good.

My own sister, rather shoot up than be near me. My own mom left me several times and almost killed herself to get away from me. My best friend, ditched out the moment she knew I wasn't worth ****. My own father didn't give a **** whether I lived or died and gambled my life time and again.

How can all of these people be wrong along with my other sister and my teachers? How could they all be so wrong?

They aren't. I'm just delusional for ever believing they were.

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I know I'm no good. ......I'm selfish, I'm arrogant, I'm spoiled, and I'm just plain stupid. Not ignorant but stupid, because I obviously can't ****ing learn. I'll never learn. ..... that deserves every damn thing that's happened to me. I always did.

I have days when I am thinking the things I pulled out of your quote of myself. I blame your mom and dad for many of your problems. Your sister was likely effected by your parents and the environment you grew up in even more than your actions--though I don't discount your role as well. It must be scary that she is in this state and must be really hard for you and others in your family. The thing that sucks about life is the problems that we can't stop, that seem neverending. All you can do is try to force yourself to do something productive everyday, read positive things, and continue to take any help that is offered. You do deserve treatment (therapy, etc.) and your fiance and others that reach out to you do it because despite what you think about yourself--you are a wonderful person. You certainly do not strike me as selfish or ignorant. You are still overcoming more than most people have ever had to deal with....

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

No one stays and the ones that do, they're seeing something in me that's obviously not there. They're delusional to think I'll ever be anything different..

Is there a chance that the people who are there for you don't need you to be different? That for them, despite the hurt, you are enough.

You can't keep a job, clean the house etc...so what. Every day you wake up and you deal with all of this ****, over and over. That's what counts. You are still here and still fighting, and for now I would say that's all you need to do.

I know this is the internet and we have never actually met, but what I see is someone who is definitely not no good. You are supportive and caring of so many people here. You have helped me out a lot, someone who is "no good" wouldn't care enough to do that.

[Fuzzybear]

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you feel this way. But please, don't say those things you mentioned - in fact, you're quite the opposite I've never met you in person but I think you're a kind, caring, intelligent person. Those things you are unable to do aren't your fault - you're not the one to blame And there are still a lot of people who are near you despite everything, and they do that because they know that you're an amazing person! You're a good person, leigheas. Please, keep that in mind.

[MtnTime2896]

I appreciate what you're saying, I do. And I appreciate that you're all here for me, but I truly don't deserve it. You guys don't deserve to be exposed to this, either.

I'm sorry.

[MommaD]

When you're in the place you're in right now it's so hard to believe others when they try to tell you all the good things you can't see in yourself. It's easier to believe the bad stuff.
You say that if you weren't all these bad things then your family wouldn't say and do the terrible things they've said and done. You believe you deserve all these bad things.
If I might very gently suggest another possibility?
The problem is not you. The problem is them.
You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness for no other reason than you are a human being. The fact that they didn't do that reflects on them, not you.
I know that's hard to accept. Been there. But if you won't believe me, believe all the other people who respond here, the many people who send you hugs, thank you for your support and some who are still in this life because you responded with the compassion that you yourself were not shown. What does this say about you? That you are a Mahatma--a Great Heart. Hold on to that when you're overwhelmed by the lies your family tells you because that's all they are--lies lies lies.
Until you can see the truth of yourself for yourself, please think about accepting our vision of you

[laffer75]

You are good!