I'm weak

I think I'm a very weak person.. I can't even handle the most simple situation I get nervous even when I have to talk to the phone with someone I don't know.. I'm such a loser. How am I gonna make it in my life? I'm hopeless

I even have to talk to my T tomorrow and tell her that I don't think it's a good fit.. and I'm scared as hell Everything I do always get anxious, or nervous, or stressed.. there are people who get like this for very real problems and then there's me. I'm sorry, guys

Some of us are more prone to anxiety than others. There's nothing wrong with that. We just have to learn to do the best we can. And it sounds like you're trying and that's all anyone can do. Keep trying. Some days are better than others. If you need help write a letter to your T explaining everything and let her read it. This might help with the anxiety.

Thank you I'm not sure about the letter.. it sounds a bit silly to me

I'm sorry that you feel that you're "weak" . Anxiety isn't about weakness at all.. although it can feel like it. You're strong for doing the best you can, that's all any of us can do

I'm proud of you for recognising that your T isn't a good fit, it isn't easy to talk to professionals like that especially if we already have such a harsh inner critic I can relate.. that isn't weakness

Thank you, Fuzzy

I agree with others...you're anxious. You are not weak.

I have major phone issues too. It has caused a lot of problems/misunderstandings over time; my heart starts beating, particularly if I don't know the number. Perhaps it could help to write down what you want to say and just read it. Or maybe an email is a possibility?

I'm sorry you're struggling with this, too Thank you for the advice. Usually I don't call people I don't know, but if I have to pick up a call for somebody else.. it gets difficult

I understand exactly how you feel. I don't know how I'm going to make it in my life either. And today I HAVE to make several phone calls that really should've been made months ago. I'm procrastinating doing so as I type.

Hi MickeyCheeky

Weak, hopeless, a loser?!?!?!?!
I don't see that in you in the slightest!!
While I know some things must be really difficult for you, those things don't have to be the things that define your value.........there are some situations you find it real tough to cope with, and maybe some situations you'd completely avoid........but you've certainly shown yourself on here to be empathetic, supportive, kind.........and those I'd say are really important qualities..........to me value doesn't at all be about "managing certain situations".........to me it's more about what's inside
And anyway, some of those situations........well you/we may be able to work out plans to make them a little easier, or find alternative routes to having to straight on manage them............

And I'm wondering whether your giving yourself the credit you otherwise should give yourself??
For example, you said you may pick up a call for someone else and it gets difficult..........I'm guessing very difficult at times, hey?? But what you need to allow to stand out is not as much how difficult it's been, but that you managed to do it despite how very difficult it's been........and allow that to give you some confidence in the strength you've shown. I don't know if it will help or not if you keep doing that but regardless you deserve to give yourself that credit!!

And excellent advice from MatBell in writing down what you want to say in phone calls, have a list and tick off what you've wanted to say as you manage to say it.........as for things you're asked.......if they make you anxious, have some "get out's" as in "I'll have to think about/check that out and get back to you" or "I'll look into it/need to talk to someone about it, and let you know"...........you don't have to be "put on the spot" over anything

And depending on some situations you mention...........I don't know whether there'd be room for you to try some breathing exercises or grounding techniques, even if it means stepping away from the situation briefly???

As for the T though........and kudos on you actually thinking about taking the telling them route........could always email instead...........but perhaps have a list of why you don't think things are working, just in case they can learn from that and offer to support you as you need/want to be supported.........otherwise, at least it might help for you to feel more justified in what you're telling them...........I know it may still feel really hard though, so sending you my very best wishes with it

Alison

Thank you both for super-kind posts and thanks for all the advice. Maybe I'll try some of it and see how it goes

Thanks again

There is nothing wrong with this anxiety; and, as I told someone else, give yourself permission to feel it.

I find making a plan helps whether it be that conversation I would rather avoid or even going to shop for groceries. CBT has helped greatly. In these cases especially 'Decatstrophic Thinking Worksheets' and a balance sheet identifying 'Evidence for my fear Vs Evidence Against'. I even have a plan of action for what to do when the phone rings or getting the courage to open my mailbox.

T's make a lot of people anxious judging from some of the psychoanalysis posts. Talking about certain issues would with my T also made me anxious. I would end up taking deep, steady breaths in the lobby waiting for my appointment. It did help. One session, my mouth got so dry from the anxiety that I should have asked for a water break! So maybe take deep breaths and bring a bottle of water? It will be behind you soon....

I think a lot of people feel the same way about the phone. Why else would most people choose messaging, emailing, and texting over phoning?

You can also consider that other people have anxieties and just don't show it, so you would not know about their anxieties. My ex-spouse had anxiety about driving over bridges. He would break out in a sweat when he had to drive over a bridge. But he never talked about it and I was the only one who knew about it. He continued to drive over bridges but it did cause him great anxiety. I have a brother who has extreme anxiety about heights. It is really severe but he doesn't talk about it. He rarely goes on vacation and I think it is because he is afraid of being in strange environments and perhaps having to drive through mountains and such.

The point is, anxiety is manageable. I have extreme anxiety but am learning how to handle it. I always believe I can't do something and then I prove myself wrong by doing it. You can increase your ability to do things despite anxiety.

You are a kind and intelligent person. Keep posting here for support. Good luck with your therapist visit. Please let us know how it goes.

Thank you, guys I'll let you know.. today is the day and I'm so worried

I did it!

But my mom is angry with me because of this choice..

Hi MickeyCheeky

Well........well done!!!! That must have been tough to do, so kudos!!!!

As for your mom.........well sometimes, like at this time, you just have to do the best thing for you, no matter what others are going to think. You have to put yourself first!!
And if that T really wasn't working, ultimately things could have got even worse instead of better for you.........and you'd be wasting all that time with them, when you could be getting real support elsewhere..........so a very brave move from you!!

And now........maybe you could turn your mom's anger to your benefit, it sounds like she's wanting you to see someone, so maybe you could encourage her to help you find another T, one who might better meet your needs..........

But again...........well done and kudos!!
And here's looking to this being a step in the road towards you getting the support you need and deserve!!!



Alison

Thank you so much I hope things will get better..

Good for you! Congratulations!
Opinion: You are not responsible for your mother's emotions. It is not your responsibility to forever prevent your mother from becoming angry.

I wish you the best in moving forward!

I feel for you ). Try to face this anxiety and move forward. I get up feeling that way each morning before going work.... scared and anxious of the unknown.... could this be a premonition of upcoming dread....? I don't know. I end up dragging my *** to work and nothing horrible usually happens.