Losing it...i think (sorry this post is so long)

I FINALLY got my meds Sat. Waited until Sun. to take one (Effexor XR 150). I thought the dosage might be too high since I hadn't taken the meds for 6 or so months. But, since i had stressed that to my doc, I figured it must be alright. I was wrong.

After dealing with a racing heart rate, racing thoughts, jitteriness and etc. for about 4 or 5 hrs, i couldn't take it anymore and had my mom take me to the ER. There's a history of heart problems on my mom's side and it appears I have probably inherited them so we went to the ER. The ER was ridiculous. The doc there listened to my heart for about 5 seconds and left. A few mins. later, some nurse or other doc came in with a pill. I asked what it was, what it would do an etc. It was Ativan and they said it would help "calm" me. I was'nt sure at first about taking it because i still had paperwork to do for work, due the next day. The nurse/doc said i could refuse it but I ended up taking it because I KNEW if i didn't, I'd be up all night anyway and still not be able to get anything done. They left me in the room for about 20-30 mins, then discharged me,

I got home, the pill didn't do anything but make me feel like my arms and legs were made of concrete and stoned.

Still had the racing heart, thoughts and etc next morning so I called my doc's office. They scheduled an appt. with me a few hours later. I told the doc what happened at the ER. After doing some research, I discovered that Ativan is an anti-anxiety pill. I told the doc i wasn't anxious/nervous, i thought the Effexor dosage was too high and that was the cause of my anxiety...not stress or anxiety on it's own.

The doc also said again he thinks i could be bipolar and that maybe it could be anemia or a thyroid problem as well. He ran an EKG which came back normal. My heart rate was down i think because by then it had been about 25 hrs since I had taken the Effexor.

I told the doc I needed a lower dosage. And his response was to ask if I knew if it was powder or pellets inside the capsules. I didn't know and gave him the bottle. He actually took a pill out (after asking if i minded), and opened a capsule. It was pellets inside. So, his brilliant suggestion was to divide up the pellets into thirds or halves and take the lower "dosage" for a week or so, then up my "dosage" to the full dosage. At the time, I didn't think anything of it. I had been up for 24 hrs and was exhausted.

However, after talking to my dad about it, he referred me to his and my mom's family doc. I had been thinking about seeing about switching to their doc anyway because he actually seems to genuinely care about his patients. He didn't even mind my calling him after hours one night when i wasn't sure if i should take my mom to the ER a year or 2 ago..she was refusing to go.

My dad also suggested i tell my boss about what's going on. I had to call off from work Monday, had to ask to turn my paperwork in a day late, AND i missed a big meeting. I work in mental health myself and if one missed the meeting, one can't work with their in school clients until it was made up. When I called off, I told my boss I couldn't turn my paperwork in because I had had a bad reaction to medication the night before and still wasn't feeling well. She was cool with it and I was able to turn my paperwork in this morning.

My dad said I should "out" myself at work, which i've been toying with anyway because I knew this was going to effect my work if I didn't get back on my meds. My dad is also a recovered/ing alcholic, had a master's in counseling and has worked in mental health quite a few years himself. He says he's seen experienced dealing with colleages who had to take a break for mental health reasons as well as himself.

So, i decided to do that today. I waited around the office for about an hour for the director to come in. She hadn't come in by the time I was supposed to meet with a client. I went home and cancelled my appointment with my client, told the foster mom i wasn't feeling well. I also left a note with the director asking her to call me so I could schedule a time to talk to her. I now have an appointment to sit down with her at 10 tomorrow morning.

I also called the other doc's office and gave the clerk my info so the doc can decide if he can/will take me on as a patient.

The thing is, I"M EXHAUSTED. I haven't slept more than 8 or so hours since Saturday night. I haven't really eaten since Sunday night. My heart's racing and i'm jittery. I know I"m nervous about meeting with the boss and won't be able to sleep again tonight. I can't eat even though i'm hungry. I'm too nervous and the thought is just nauseating. I've just been drinking orange juice and water. My mom suggested taking a tylenol pm, but i don't want to take any sleeping pills or anything like that.
I know my heart's racing because i'm nervous and i'm quite sure my blood sugar is out of whack because i can't eat.

I'm going to talk to my dad later tonight when he gets home from work. He lives about 6 hrs away and i have a feeling that after I tell him about my not being able to eat or sleep, he's probably going to talk to my mom about taking me to the ER. I probably need to go to the ER anyway and get "back on track". Simultaneously, I've never felt like this before, the depression thing is still kind of new to me, I've never been admitted to a hospital before and I don't think i want to deal with being yet "another basketcase". I know I'm not just "another basketcase", but I can't seem to get past the whole stigma thing. This isn't supposed to be happening to me...

However, I don't know what to do anymore...And i know that yet another night of not sleeping is going to be torture.I would never do anything to hurt myself or whatever, but i just don't know how I'll make it another night without sleeping...

Hey, that wa s REALLY long... just kidding!

Well, first of all you DO HAVE anxiety, let me tell you... but depression and axiety are two faces of the same coin.

The important thing to know here is: is your currect doc a psychiatrist? and the new one? Don't get fooled, you need a specialist, as you would search a cardiologist if you had heart disease. I see you are the typical person who ruminates endlessly about what the doc said or actually meant... I suggets that you find a GOOD psychiatrist, and then take whatever he says with absolute trust.
Please let me be frank: my humble opinion is that your racing heart has nothing to do with Effexor. You fear that it may make you nervous, and you get nervous out of suggestion. Please don't think I want to dismiss you as "it's all in your mind", but how could effexor (or anyother antidepressant) strike that way after just a few administrations?

stefano is very on point...see the regular doctor, but DO find a good psychiatrist. Effexor has nothing to do with your symptoms...I take 300mg of Effexor DAILY. And, by the way, Effexor only comes in specific doses...37.5mg...75mg...150mg.

Counting out the pellets...I don't know a doctor I have ever dealt with that would suggest such a ridiculous notion.

Anxiety if a very real condition...a condition that is with me daily...when I have a real attack, which isn't often, I take Ativan and yes it does bring you down off the anxiety rather quickly and does impact your day as you described, but it is short lived in the body.

Maybe your parents doctor can actually have a conversation with you about meds, but the best person to talk to about mental health meds is a psychiatrist!!

I don't know - the first day I took Prozac, my heart was racing, and I've NEVER had that before. I had a horrible time getting to sleep, and when I did I had weird, vivid dreams. That was about 16 hours after my first dose of it.