Breakthrough? Better, at least.

A little positive post in the depression board can't be a bad thing, right? I can't believe I'm seeing hope, yet here it is. And I'm alive to see it - how iffy that was for way too long! I'm not through it of course, and suicide thoughts are still often in my mind, but there's a glimmer down the tunnel that might be the end, and it's enough to go on to see if it's real.
I talked with my pastor last night, and felt validated. He agreed it's quite possible my mom has emotionally abused me - which gives reason to my seemingly without cause behavior/thoughts/feelings. He's fully behind me in getting counseling - which I made a call about today and am waiting to hear back on. He also told me how he'd been on the verge of having me hospitalized, especially when I told him I made the appointment with the psychiatrist because I was suicidal, but didn't based on a lot of prayer, what he knows of me, and that he believed when I said I'd go to the psychiatrist I would - which tells me that not all of my efforts to show I needed help went unnoticed - and that God was watching out for me, because while I would have felt safer had my pastor or someone else had me hospitalized, it would have extremely aggravated the situation with my mom. And he helped me realize my dad's position, who I'd always felt distant and like I couldn't tell him anything any more than I could tell my mom - which lead to me initiating a conversation with my dad at lunch today and gaining understanding from him.
I feel like I'm out of the crisis mode I'd been in the last 1 1/2 months, which is such a relief. I still have a lot to deal with, but there may be hope. Now all I need is to keep my mom from finding out I'm going back to the counselor she hates...
Whew.

Thats wonderful, Taonuviel!

I'm so glad you are seeing God's hand moving in your life and you can reach out to those who have been put in your life to help you out. Whatever the cause (emotional abuse or other), I hope you make peace with yourself as you seem to be a sweet girl

Tao...I'm so glad you've seen a glimmer in the tunnel As well as having gained some insight on some of those close to you.

This may be more of a personal than general thing, but I think it's great that your pastor held trust in your word and had faith in you to do what you said you would do



<font color=purple>Pain can indeed be a beautiful thing</font color=purple>

One word.

YES!!!!!!!!

Hamstergirl spikes the football in the end zone and does a little victory dance.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.

*goes for all replys, too*
Thanks...

That's great, Taonuviel!!

Take care,
Fuzzy xx

Thanks again
Well, I have an appointment with the counselor a week from tomorrow. Not as soon as I'd hoped - was hoping since I could go any time there might be some random spot sooner - but it's ok. I think I'll try to find ways to be around people until then, because while I see hope, I still feel really needy and lonely - I'm just more willing to try now, I guess. One thing heavy on my mind is the idea that I've been abused... I don't know how to feel about that, and wish I could talk about it sooner.
Unfortunately, initiating things is very hard for me, feel like I've done way too much of it lately as it is, and without planned events it's not so likely I'll end up doing anything with people. Just see how it goes, I guess.
I wish I knew huggy people around here. When I worked at the ministry I was able to get lots of hugs, and it was very good. I miss that a lot.

I know it's not a real hug, but for what it's worth...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tao}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

Thanks

Think I'll add to this one instead of starting something new... another bit of good news...
I stopped in for my check today, and dared () to ask to be considered for non-food positions, particularly souveniers or parking. She told me they had a spot in souveniers they were looking to fill, and the next schedule she'll switch me to that! I'm pretty happy. While it won't pay as much, and the hours will probably be the same as I'm getting now, I'll like it a lot better than working concessions. So I just have to get through two more nights of concessions, then no more! Ah, the relief.
I can't believe I asked... I was so nervous.

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...

Wow that is great Tao!

I think the best part is that you pushed yourself to ask... if you keep "practicing" that it becomes easier. As a bonus it had a very positive result!

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--http://www.idexter.com