Life has changed so much for me in the last few weeks.. my system has "shut down"... ie.. I am so depressed.. that eating is not even worth it... watching TV impossible..

I put a "care package" together for a girl.. her first apartment - hmmm she didn't bother to pick it up...wow....

My dog.. 13.. well I have made the descison.. that we all have to make.. and will make the arrangements... it is my responsibility...

Well that is the last of my life... my responsibilities done - my parents, their siblings.. no more funerals.. cause there is no one left for me to "arrange" for.. strange feeling..

My son.. is finally happy... my job done... he called me today.. and he has "straightened" things out..

I really think that my "job" here in life.. is done.. God wants us to do his work.. and I am finally done...

[okiedokie]

Hi FW,
You are NOT DONE!!! Your son is always going to need you. Kids are never done...they just need you in a different way each time. I'm really sorry about your dog. That is just awful and would make me depressed too. 13 years is a nice long time though. I wish I could be there in person for you to hold your hand as you go through this.

Change is hard. I'm finding that out (once again) now in my life too. You've been a lifesaver for me! So, until you've got me all arranged, I guess you're not done!

Seriously though, I hope you got rehydrated all ok and are home feeling better.

PM me anytime. Remember, we're in this together!


Okie

[debbie_tabor]

Hi Freewill,
I'm really sorry about your dog too, it's heartbreaking when they leave us. Hang on with us through your grief and depression.
Debbie

((((((Freewill))))))

[wickedwings]

so sorry for the loss of your canine companion. i've lost animal companions myself, and i know the grief that comes with it. your kids will never stop needing you. they need you in a different way now, and they always love you. wishing you the best.

[confused4ever]

You cannot be done!!! There is always something that needs attention, your son will always need his mom. I am sory about your best friend, putting down one of our companions is so hard. He took care of you for the past 13 years, now you have to help him. My heart goes out to you and wish we could all be there with you through this!! (((((((((hugs)))))))))

((((((((((((((((Freewill)))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry about your dog. I know how hard it is to lose a pet who is soo loved. We need you here. Don't forget that please.

Love, Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxox

[recluse1]

((((((((freewill))))))) so sorry about your dog. we feel and grieve for them just like children sometimes. it's not easy to take an animal you love so much on that trip. i've been there and it is very painful i know. just try to find peace in knowing that you are doing the humane thing and the best thing.
you also said that we are here to do Gods work and your work is done. you can always do God's work here by loving and helping others who need you so much. and like others have said before me, your son will always need you. i am grown and i still need my mother to turn to for guidance and understanding. i hope this dark cloud lifts for you soon and the sun shines warmly upon your face.

best to you
recluse1

((((Freewill)))

Your a great person! Your job isnt done! You helped and supported me, there are tons more waiting inline for that day you come into their lives too...we love ya free,....I'm sorry about your dog...animals sure to impact our lives...bless you sweety

bless you!

[stefano]

Hey, I'm really sorry you lost your dog. I cried when my cat died, He was with me for 18 years...
But now, read this: "putting others first". What is it?
It is a typical behaviour of the depressed. Come on, now that you are no longer useful to anyone you may die? Even if it was true (and it surely isn't) you have to be useful for YOURSELF! Or not?

The best of luck

[chalmette70043]

(((((((((((((freewill)))))))))))))))))

[finestitcher]

Freewill, I hear your words and my sympathy is with you. I can hear what a hard time you are having.

As with far too many of us, I have spent days under the cover in bed...literally, especially in the winter...the "why bother" mode.

I have also been there, done that...attempted suicide in 1985...and I am here to say I am GLAD I was unsuccessful.
<ul type="square">[*]What would have happened to my children.[*]What guilt would the people whose lives I move through life with have suffered; e.g. I should have seen it coming![/list]So, many thoughts in hind-sight!!

You are important to yourself first, and you are more important to the people whose lives you move through than you can even begin to imagine; e.g. this board. I see the number of posts you have written, and I imagine that some of them have been in support of folks who frequent this board.

I live an isolated life right now. I am not allowed to drive for medical reasons. I have a neuro-degenerative disease. Most days my phone only rings for bill collectors, or not at all. I have only three close aquaintances right now, as well as some online friends...more than any other time in my life. My snail mail mailbox typically has nothing in it; e.g. today and yesterday.

Weeks like this one are very hard for me due to my isolation. I am home all day today, tomorrow and Thursday. NOT a good thing for me. I have to arrange transportation with the County I live in when I want to go somewhere and if I forget to call before noon the day before, forget the ride.

I do hear you!!

[Pita]

Dearest Freewill - God's work for us is not done until he says it is so. It is not our choice. I agree with all the others who tell you that your son will always, always need his Mom. My Mom is gone and even though I am 50 years old I miss her every day and always find myself wishing I had her to call and tell when something good comes up in my life or to call and cry on her shoulder when something traumatic happens. She was the only person in my life that I could or would do that with. Just because something is straightened out one day unfortunately does not mean it will stay that way. I still have my Mom's phone number in my book - I look at it from time to time and wish I could just pick up the phone and talk to her - it took me several years to actually stop picking up the phone to call her, then I would remember she was gone. Your work is also not done for the rest of the people that you have allowed in your life - like the ones I know about here at PC. You have helped us and supported us (I cherish your supporting PM to me) and shared your knowledge and strength with. Obviously, God still needs you to help others. And may be by helping others, in some way you also help yourself? I am terribly sorry about your dog. There is nothing to make that pain better - I just want you to know I understand. I have my Mom's Border Collie - she is 16 and I have had her for 8 years now. She is one of 2 beings that I love most in this world. Bless you (((((Freewill))))) - you are needed and necessary and valued. I pray you find your way through to see that.

[Sabrina]

My thoughts are with you (((Freewill)))

((((((((((FreeWill)))))))))))
Noooo, you're not done. Stay here with us. We need you here.
I'm sorry about your puppy.

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((((freewill))))))))))))))

[MissCharlotte]

((Freewill))

Our work is never done. Our children need us even when they think they don't. Especially our inner children. I too have no parents/aunts or uncles left and that is very sad. But now is the time for us to love ourselves. Our inner children deserve this time from us, when we can give them the undivided attention they never got.

Freewill, the depression is an illness that grips us and distorts our thinking. I know because I am there also. So, sit next to me on this ride and we can take turns driving. One step at a time, one day at a time, one minute at a time. Looking at the big picture doesn't help right now. Just know that God cares and loves every minute and your friends here will help you. 24/7!!!

((((Freewill))))

Take gentle care. Be good to yourself. Keep posting.

(((((((((((freewill)))))))))))))
((((((((((((sister))))))))))