[Kaylord]

Hello all. It's been a while since I've posted so I apologize if this sounds all long winded and crazy.

About 2.5 years ago my mom passed away very unexpectedly. Pretty much ever since, I have not been satisfied with life at all. Despite some minor and a few major set backs, I have kept my job, friends, husband, and some family. I have a roof over my head, I can pay all of my bills most of the time, I have a newer and working car, a good support system and have reconnected with my father, but still, I am completely unsatisfied with life.

My job is boring, my friends don't understand (thankfully) what it's like to lose a parent, my husband is awesome but completely consumed with his own passions and problems, my family lives 2,000 miles away, my home doesn't feel like home anymore... I just don't know what's up with me. I feel like there is this void now and I have no idea how to heal it or fill it. I've tried volunteer work, painting and other hobbies. and nothing.

Ugh. I just want to run away. But starting over sounds about 1000x worse than just settling with this dull/crappy existence.

Any ideas on how to fix this?

[MatBell]

I don't really have an advice, other than I understand you and know that you're not alone. I think the running away fantasy is pretty common actually. I used to have it too, just run away from everything, start over in another country far away without anyone knowing.
I can imagine losing a parent can take a lot of time to come to terms with, especially if it's unexpected. I'm sure it will get better with time.
All the best

[MommaD]

Hi Kaylord and I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. The death of a parent is an extremely difficult thing to deal with, and I think you're still very much in the grieving process. It does leave a huge void in your life and sadly, there is no way to "fix" this excepts to live through it. When I lost my brother and father I went through a time of deep depression and buried rage that burst out on my husband at times. I turned my back on my childhood faith, hated god (and then got high anxiety about that because I was convinced he would send additional calamities into my life to punish me for hating him. Not a good place to be). Grief counseling and a grief support group helped some but the truth is it just took time for the pain to lessen and it never completely goes away because we love the people we lost.
I hope you find some path that helps you through your grief and helps you regain some joy in your life again.
Sending you thoughts of comfort and healing

[Kaylord]

Thank you guys so much. It actually does help a little to know that I am not alone. I know that my sister is also having a hard time, but with her living so far away, it makes it hard for us to fully support each other.
My mom was the most important person in my life. My sister and I would always say things like "if you die", never "when you die". She was the best person I could have ever hoped to know. And because my father was never around, it's like we lost 3 people that day. Our Mother, Father and Best friend.
So many things have happened since she's passed that I've wanted to tell her. I guess I just have to accept that my life will never be the same, but that doesn't mean that it will be a bad life. Just a new life. A new normal. And even though I never asked for this stupid new life, I must move forward. Ugh. I HATE FEELINGS!

[Fuzzybear]

[*Laurie*]

Hi, I am so, so sorry for the loss of your mom. I was pretty young when I lost my parents, certainly before any of my friends did. Losing our parents is terribly hard...I've always felt like an orphan since my parents have been gone. I think it's a natural feeling to just want to run away. Thing is, you're still yourself if you run away. Maybe what you want to run away from is the grief you're feeling.

You are correct...you have to move on...and you will...2.5 years isn't that long ago; be kind to yourself (((HUGS)))