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  #26  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 08:48 PM
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The fact is, sometimes when a person has a plan to do it and no intention of trying otherwise, nothing anyone says or does will change the outcome. I lost people too, no matter what I tried, they weren't going to change. I gave it my all and they still did it. To say it hurts is an understatement. We go into fields like that to save people and are trained by personal and other's experiences. All of the training in the world can't teach someone to watch a person die. You could already know this and what I'm saying here doesn't mean a damn thing, but I'll say it anyway. Those people dying, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't your failure. It isn't blood on your hands. It is tragic and traumatizing and I'm sorry you had to experience it.

I wish you didn't want to join them. I wish you wanted to keep fighting for another way. I wish you had a job where suicide wasn't the central focus.

I can't be there to keep all dangerous weapons and substances away from you. I can't pull you back over the railing. I can't support you after the chair is kicked.

All I can offer to you is being here, now. It's all I got and it's yours if you'll have it.
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Clara22, East17

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  #27  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 08:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kinni11 View Post
I get what you say , but I've seen 2 people jump of a bridge , forth road bridge !
It's 500 metres from footpath to water and see 2 people body split in half I've saved over 100 people from jumping by talking them down , I've pulled people over and sat on them till police come!
But next day am of they come back and done it !
I've no training , never offered any 8 years , told to do it your job , I went on sick after a guy jumped , I came back got disciplined for being on sick ?
Am at my lowest I want last long all I think about is going sleep for ever
Yes, your job is unbearable. You cannot stay there
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Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
  #28  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 08:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kinni11 View Post
I get what you say , but I've seen 2 people jump of a bridge , forth road bridge !
It's 500 metres from footpath to water and see 2 people body split in half I've saved over 100 people from jumping by talking them down , I've pulled people over and sat on them till police come!
But next day am of they come back and done it !
I've no training , never offered any 8 years , told to do it your job , I went on sick after a guy jumped , I came back got disciplined for being on sick ?
Am at my lowest I want last long all I think about is going sleep for ever
Could you move with somebody else temporarily? It seems you should not live by yourself right now
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Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
  #29  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 08:53 PM
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Would anyone want witness suicide see them drop 500 feet see them hit rocks and point there body out to coast guard
  #30  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 08:54 PM
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Would anyone want witness suicide see them drop 500 feet see them hit rocks and point there body out to coast guard
No, i would not like to see that. It is horrible
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Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
  #31  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 08:55 PM
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Would anyone want witness suicide see them drop 500 feet see them hit rocks and point there body out to coast guard
Nope. I don't believe anyone actually desires that job.

Do you remember the people you saved who didn't go back? Who are still alive because of what you did.

I've found that's one of the few ways I can deal with it.
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  #32  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:01 PM
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Easy said but it happens every single day at work if am not out to it or helping I can hear as we all wear radios I can hear 999 lifeboat and police just trigger me of
  #33  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:04 PM
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Easy said but it happens every single day at work if am not out to it or helping I can hear as we all wear radios I can hear 999 lifeboat and police just trigger me of
Well, that method didn't actually work for me for a long time. It's a lot easier said than done and sometimes it still doesn't work. I don't think it'll work for you until you're out of the environment and in trauma therapy. That's what you've experienced, repeated trauma. Depression won't leave until the trauma has been treated properly.
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  #34  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:06 PM
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So, all of the antidepressants, talk therapy and/or depression "coping" techniques won't do a damn thing to make the images stop. Make all of the damn memories just shut the hell up. You can't treat it like depression.

Have you been to an actual trauma therapist? Have you attempted EMDR or Brainspotting?
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  #35  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:07 PM
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No had help but none of what you suggested
  #36  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:09 PM
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Once, I was hospitalized with a young girl. She had diabetes and she had lost her baby recently. She would get in and of the hospital often and would be put in the same room with me every time. Before Christmas she said: "they gave me this 'Christmas holidays'. I am going home for 15 days. I am going to eat all the prohibited stuff and I will come back to die here."
And this is exactly what she did. When she came back after Christmas rapidly deteriorated, and then she got peritoneal dialysis. Each time she was submitted to this dialysis she would pull her hair off, scream, curse, beg for death, etc. I suffered a lot for her because she and I had become friends. It was traumatic and my health started to worsen as I was witnessing all her suffering. At certain point, she went to ICU and never came back.
  #37  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:11 PM
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No had help but none of what you suggested
Would you be willing to seek it? If there's a tiny chance it could help lift this weight off your shoulders, a chance you could maybe even properly treat your depression; are you willing to at least research these things and look into getting a trauma therapist (make sure that's their specialty)?

I got so much worse before I actually began treating the trauma. I'm not amazing or 100% better, but I'll take where I am now in comparison to how I was.
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  #38  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:13 PM
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I did not receive any assistance to overcome that situation. It was just one time and haunted me for years. I cannot imagine your suffering. And anti depression treatment would not work
  #39  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:22 PM
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Am on anti depression talblet , I can't look at myself in a mirror cause I no it's not me , I've lost all hope and cofindence in myself that il do anything to end my pain , am an full body organ donor I've signed for anyone or to labs for reasesrch , someone who in need wants be here !
Il be helping no matter how it turns out
  #40  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:25 PM
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I mean, So leigheas is right. There is something you have not tried yet. It is hard because you are your own advocate here and you have to deal with the ignorance of the system (and of some doctors, as well). Let us know if we can be helpful in any way
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Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
  #41  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kinni11 View Post
Am on anti depression talblet , I can't look at myself in a mirror cause I no it's not me , I've lost all hope and cofindence in myself that il do anything to end my pain , am an full body organ donor I've signed for anyone or to labs for reasesrch , someone who in need wants be here !
Il be helping no matter how it turns out
No one can stop you. I can type until my fingers fall off and it won't do anything. I don't want you to die but that's not my call, is it?

I don't offer false hope. It hurts more than it could ever help. So when I tell you that I think you can recover, that you have a chance to live in this life without the daily agony you're currently in; know that I mean it.
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  #42  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:28 PM
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Your lose of confidence does not mean that your case has no solution. Sometimes our views are distorted. You know that
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Clara
Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
Thanks for this!
PurplePanda999
  #43  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:28 PM
kinni11 kinni11 is offline
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My problem is people who don't understand my suffering, close pals gave up say I only look for attention?
That hurts me ?
Got doctors letters from 2012 to this day I've. Been to every support group offered , I've had several sucides attempts am still here ,I wish I wasn't
  #44  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:31 PM
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They do not understand but you have rights. You have the right to be angry at them and get the treatment you need to improve
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Clara
Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
Thanks for this!
PurplePanda999
  #45  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:32 PM
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By terminating yourself you are directing your anger towards the wrong direction
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear
  #46  
Old Mar 11, 2017, 09:34 PM
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You are intelligent. I am begging you: postpone your feelings for a while and think. Let the reason speak
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Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
  #47  
Old Mar 12, 2017, 02:51 PM
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They do not understand but you have rights. You have the right to be angry at them and get the treatment you need to improve
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Thanks for this!
kinni11
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