Isolated and alone.

I know people care. I know people want to help. I know people have good ideas and good thoughts and good ways.

I still feel like I'm on the dark side of the moon. Uncontrollable, untraceable.

We're all battling fear.. It just feels like I'm loosing, and I'm alone in doing it.

It feels like any moment the ground will open up and i'll be falling forever with no way back up.

How do I stop thinking like this..

Don't have any answers...I can relate.

(((((ACQPL)))))

I ask myself this question too and when is it ever going to end? .... and tbh the no way back up feels inevitable right now so no answers here either im afraid but your not alone in feeling this way

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
By becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again
I'm going under
Drowning in you,
I'm falling forever

You don't remember me, but I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do

I can relate...

Words fail me today so I'll run with this instead..

"I’ve been left out alone like a damn criminal
I’ve been praying for help cause I can’t take it all
And I’m desperately holding on to it all
But I’m lost, I’m so damn lost

Oh I wish it was over,
And I wish you were here

It’s all in my hands
What can I do?
Don’t let it fall apart

In the blink of an eye
I can see through your eyes
As I’m lying awake I’m still hearing the cries

And it hurts, Hurts me so bad
And I’m wondering why I still fight in this life
‘Cause I’ve lost all my faith in this damn bitter strife"

Within Temptation - Shot in the Dark..

Does anyone else feel like they're in the maze of life, but unlike everyone else, we don't know the way out, and I just keep finding dead end after dead end until I just give up and accept I'm never going to make it out.

I can't do anything right. I accept that I'm a failure as a human being, and can we move onto someone who actually deserves to be helped and can be saved. There's no point trying to save someone who's already halfway gone anyway.
I can't get rid of these feelings and these thoughts. I can't handles the stress and the constant feeling of despair and darkness. Letting people down time and time again.
Why was I made to survive up until now.. was it all just a game to see how much pain I could stand?

Everyone deserves saving and help and so do you, your life is important

People say that to me. I want to believe. I want to accept that you're right and that what you say has substance and it makes sense.
I just can't wrap my head around the idea that I'm worth caring about.
I'm not trying to be awkward. I do genuinely believe it.

I'm sorry I'm having a really rough time in my head at the moment.. I'm not doing well at coping with what I'm feeling at all. I want to go back to my doc but I'm scared. I'm trying. I don't want to be like this, I hate what I am now.. I just don't know what to do with myself or how to get better.
Still waiting to hear back from therapist.. Missed one day of meds but I remembered this morning.
What if my doctor doesn't think this is real? What if I'm making everything worse than it really is?

You are ahead of the game if you have so many who want to help you. R as h out. Nobody wants to help me, just hurt me and wish me dead.

If like has something to offer, grab it by the balls and squeeze those sucks.
Families
Children
First kisses
Falling in love
Feeling the other half has your back
Being as close to perfect in someone's eye that you wish you could see through them for even a second.

Life might have more to offer you and by the sounds of your first paragraph , I think k it does.

Yes and yes!!! All the time! I can completely relate and empathize.
I always tell my friend how when we were all hanging around on line in heaven waiting for bodies, everybody was handed out an instruction manual on life. But I stepped out of line for a minute to use the bathroom and so I never got my manual. So the rest of the world has some book to follow that tells them how one is supposed to behave in different situations and how to function properly DO life. And me, I am fuucking clueless.
I have no idea what the hell I am doing in any given situation about 90% of the time...

Life may well have more to offer me.. But it feels like my mind has built its own fortress and locked me in the dungeon. I don't want to feel what I'm feeling, I don't want to know what I know. I accept that I have these thoughts and these feelings but there are points where I genuinely don't know how I'm going to make it out of here.
I know it did this to protect me, but now it's slowly taking away who I am, piece by piece instead.
I can't even make people feel happy or appreciated anymore. When I can't add value to anyone else's life, what else left is there.

Have you been reading my mind ACQPL ;o)? Because we sound an awful lot alike.

No I haven't.. I'm just finally starting to explain what I'm think of no rather than keeping my impenetrable walls up against everyone.
Today has been a really long day.. I don't know how I'm still going and not a complete wreck. Every so often it's getting out though..

You're not making it worse then it is. You're having a rough time. I'm glad you're finally letting some of it out. That's good. Don't be afraid to talk to your doc. I encourage you to do that. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. You are worthy.

I feel like I'm out of options that don't hurt other people.
I can't live like this.

I think I know what you're saying. When the mind is being put through hell, it becomes a master at protecting itself for as long as the hell remains part of your daily life. When you're out of the fire and into the frying pan, it's almost like it operates better in the fire, because that's what it broke apart and re-created itself to do. Now the mind has to figure out how to piece itself together again.

To the second part, I know I'm a cyber person, but you really have helped me. Just reading your posts help me because I know that I'm not alone. Granted, I don't wish this on anyone, but having someone out there who gets it can make this a little more bearable. Having you on here is reassuring and ultimately has been my saving grace time and time again. I want to thank you for that.

dear acqpl, I am so sorry you are still struggling. I hope I am not being too intrusive, and you don't have to reply if you don't want to, but what was your childhood like?

Nailed it... I have no idea what the hell my brain is doing at the moment. I don't even think it knows, which makes it all the more scary... welcome to the road-trip with no sodding map to figure out what direction to go in..

You are never alone.. I'm glad it can help in some way, even if not for an ideal reason or source.

TerryL - I don't have the mental energy to bring that to the forefront of my mind at the moment, however a previous post I made may well do better at explaining it then I can at the moment. I was quite lucid when I wrote it. Click here for previous post *Contains triggers*

I'm so sorry. If it makes you feel any better you're not alone
I'm saying a prayer for you as I write this.

i can only guess what happened to you, and by whom, but i am so sorry it happened. it sounds like they have no remorse. that is maddening. someone once said the best revenge is a happy life. i know that is much easier said than done but i wish you that and more dear acqpl.