Possibly depressed?

I'm not sure where the best place to post this is but as it mostly concerns depression (whether I have it or not) I thought I'd plant it here.

I have undoubtedly had depression in the past and the last time was over a year ago (I ended up leaving a stressful job), I wanted therapy but none was available so went on SSRIs (for the first time) and they helped, I was on them 6 months tapered off last summer as I felt fine.

My mood improved but my energy levels were never the same, my sport performance went off and has never come back. I got a new job but it's low paid/low status/low satisfaction type job, I am a failure career wise that is a fact.

I'm not sure if I'm still depressed. I'm still a worrier that's for sure. I'm tired all the time and usually do my job come home and flake - for a while I pushed back with exercise but that seemed to make me worse (more tired).

My brain feels fuzzy and disorganised, no energy, not looking forward to things or taking pleasure in what I used to (sport). I have 4 days off work with the bank holidays and thought I would feel better with rest but I just feel flat.

I'm not tearful or sad, just flat. Maybe this is normal. Maybe I'm not depressed. I have a GP appointment (first in almost a year), I have some gynae things I need to discuss and I'm also thinking I need to discuss possible depression/my fatigue. Just hoping I can get it across properly.

Just needed to write this somewhere, people on here often comment on how 'well' I seem in my posts and maybe even wonder why I'm here - but I do struggle, not as badly as many, but have always put as bright a face on it as I can. Not sure I'll ever be completely 'well' or if it's realistic to think I can be.

Hi prefabsprout,
Perhaps you have a depression right now. It is good that you will follow up with your GP about your fatigue. Fatigue and depression often go together but they are not the same thing. I got a serious illness that was masked under an existing depression, the illness went untreated until I collapsed.
On the other hand, I don't know you but I do not consider you a career failure just because you are at a low paid low range job right now. I am not taking responsibility from your own choices, etc but I invite you to have a wider perspective. Unavailability of better jobs is not all your fault. There are a lot of problems in the job market today. And this is not going to improve unless something is done at higher levels. And to me it will take the commitment of all of us and not only of the ruling class. We need to let them know that this is an unbearable situation. But I am not saying you need to become a revolutionary or an advocate. I am just saying that perhaps you need to put things in context when evaluating yourself. Because of depression I often torture myself by thinking of bad decisions and lost opportunities but I don't have a balanced view as depression wants me to sink in.
Anyway, I wish you the best with all your doctors' appointments and hope you can get the necessary help for you to feel better.

Depression doesn't always mean sadness - it can be just a lack of pleasure or joy in your life. Hope your GP will be able to help you

Hi prefabsprout, Your post sounds to me like you're describing depression. I know how hard the side effects from meds can be. Still, since the SSRI helped you, maybe it would be a good idea to try an SSRI again.

It sounds like you might have depression to me as well. Maybe you could make an appointment with your doctor? Best wishes.

Thanks everyone, it helps to read your replies.

I have a GP appointment in a couple of days and will raise the symptoms with her. In the past I've found she tends to dismiss the fatigue as being normal - that I am overdoing my sport (absolutely not these days), or when I was unemployed that looking for work is tiring. I'm thinking this time she may say it's because I work a physical job but we'll see.

The SSRI did help my mood but it made me 'slow' and it didn't cure the fatigue, I think if I were sad I would consider going back on but not so sure about for lack of energy.

Hi prefab

Thanks from me for sharing how you're doing..........and it doesn't matter how badly you feel in comparison to others.........if you're struggling, you're struggling and that matters, what you're going through matters
Real good idea to get checked out by your G.P. although it also really does sound like depression could be there..........at least some of the symptoms are definately there.
I wouldn't say it necessarily makes it less "bad" that the sadness isn't there (or doesn't stand out?)...........the lack of interest or enjoyment in things, the inescapable fatigue, the flat (apathetic?) feeling...........they're hard enough to cope with, right?!
And can be signs of depression in themselves..........so good you're getting them checked out.
But how to get things across to her properly.........I'd say you've done a great job explaining it on here, so if you could tell her all of this..........even write yourself some notes to take in with you if that helps too........maybe there are even some other things you've pushed to one side, even if they seem "minor" they could count/matter e.g. slight changes in appetite or sleep patterns etc.??

And a little diversion.........your job/low paid/low status/"failure career wise"...........I am sorry you're not in a place you want to be right now.........but to me.........so many "low status" jobs are massively under-rated and the people doing them should get so much more credit, because they are important/the people doing them are important.........so whatever you do..........stick stamps on envelopes, deliver mail, serve food/drinks. conveyor belt work, collect refuse, sweep streets, whatever.........prefab.......I'm saying what you do can really matter, I'm saying that you really matter

And maybe, now I know this may be hard with the way you're feeling, but maybe you could do something different, something you might find a little more satisfying in your "free time".........could be anything..........reading, writing, listening to (more?) music, watching films, something a little creative.......??? Just a thought.............

But, hoping it goes well with the G.P. and even if it turns out that isn't depression then you're certainly feeling in a lot of ways like a lot of people on here..........so stick around.........and I'm sure you'll get plenty of support on here

Alison

Prefab--
I am not an expert but after reading so many posts and thinking about my own MI--it seems like being either overly or underly (numb) emotional is a sign of mental illness.
I think its good that you talk about your struggles here. That helps me. While some people on the depression forum talk about their struggles and have not recovered---I assume that the venting is helping them. Frankly, I worry most about people who are so depressed that they have no desire to post or get medical help. I am glad you are continuing to try to seek medical help. Yet I know that an appointment is not a cure--sometimes the medical professional available does not have the answer. If that happens, I guess all you can do is keep trying.
I think depression can be both situational and chemical. Having messed with medications for my depression and anxiety (quitting/upping/lowering dosages) -- I have decided that the antidepressant I take (Bupropion) really does help my depression when I take a low dose of it (150 mg). At higher dosages, I become absolutely manic. So if it made you feel better before, maybe try one again? Also, if you work long hours, perhaps you really need some rest to perform more optimally.
People of all ages are struggling to make it in today's economy. It is a jungle out there. Anyone who is not financially secure is going to have some anxiety associated with this terrible reality. Sometimes anxiety is a normal acknowledgement of reality. All we can do is try to channel that anxiety into actions that will help in a real way. And remember--Rome was not built in a day.... <<hugs>>

If you were feeling anxious during your four days off--it may have effected your ability to really recooperate. If you have been pushing yourself for a very long time--maybe four days is not enough? idk

I feel like it took me more than an entire year to start smiling more (from when I attempted). I still have up and down days. Perhaps for some of us, depression is like a chronic illness, sometimes managable for those of us who can figure out what "works" but a condition that can always rear it's ugly head when we are stressed.....

Really wonderful replies, thanks so much!

I went to my appointment and the outcome was that my GP doesn't think I'm depressed (although she didn't rule it out). She's referred my for bloodwork and if that's clear a sleep apnea test, although I am not overweight she said that's not always the case - so we do have a plan at least.

Hi prefab

Thanks for the update, and that sounds like it may be good news
And even if everything does come back clear at least she's not ruling out depression so she may be able to still help if that is the case, so here's hoping the best for you
But whatever the plan, if you're struggling, don't struggle alone, hey?! We're here for you, if we can help a little

Alison

It sounds good that your GP is doing some bloodwork. It might help find a source. It might uncover possible thyroid issues, anemia, digestive issues, etc. that can affect your well-being and cause fatigue and loss of motivation. At least, it can rule out some things.

I hope you get some answers.

Depression manifests itself in different ways. Not enjoying things point to depression, but I am not a specialist. Regarding you look fine here, this is solely because you don't post about your challenges as much as others I guess, although you post on others posts all the time. So, it is natural to assume that you are doing fine.

Yes I think you're right that it's because I don't post about my own challenges much these days and tend to reply to others instead that I may appear 'better' than I am.

For me a lot of my problems are similar to when I first joined so there's nothing new to add/discuss, and even recently I've felt like I've posted about my fatigue too much, but just being here and posting (even if on someone else's thread) helps.

I hadn't noticed or thought that. I don't think I saw your postings from when you first joined and in some of the forums (such as depression); you can't look back that far. What I have gathered is that have depression, anxiety and work in a stressful job that doesn't value it's employees properly. You have one sister? Though you mentioned your mom, not sure if your mom and dad are still alive. You have a good relationship with your H and since your son recently graduated high school, like me, you want him to be happy and worry about him getting a good start. You seem oh so naturally good and kind because you worry about other's feelings so much. Your H is lucky to have a wife who is so loving and loyal. I bet my H would love it if I could be more like that. I only recently started following you--did I miss anything?

Oh wow, you remembered so much.

But please don't compare marriages - honestly we all have such different dynamics going on in our lives, and I am sure you are loved and valued by your H for your own many positive traits. I wish I were the ideal wife but I know I am far from it - we are imperfect people in an imperfect world making the best and self-compassion is so important.

Said so well. You are right; it's best not to compare anyone with others....

An answer at last - my bloodwork came back everything fine except my hemoglobin is under half what it should be (it's 5, normal levels are 12-17).

So I have some iron tablets and will keep an eye on my diet. Hopeful that my general well-being will pick up with these.

Hi prefab

Sounds like really good news, and thanks for sharing that!!
Hoping with you as well that you will be feeling a bit better soon

Alison

Prefabsprout,
I had a similar blood issue and believe it did make me feel fatigued. I also had shortness of breath when exercising. I take iron supplements and some other vitamins and it has helped. My blood results have returned to normal. I hope it helps you too!

It's good to take iron pills but I think our body absorbs natural iron even better. You get to eat as much steak and roast beef as you want. Liver too (not as much of a treat, maybe liverwurst instead?) Also spinach and beets. I love spinach all sorts of ways. I usually make my lasagne with vegtables incuding lots of spinach. I like it sauted with onions and garlic and in quiches. One of my favorite salads is this: saute onions and a bit of garlic, turn the burner off, squeeze 1/2 lemon in, quickly toss with spinach and put on plates before it is too cooked. Take a can of quartered artichokes and divide between the salads placing the tender parts of the artichokes on each one. I also juice a lot and always include beet in my juice. I put beet, orange, parsley, ginger, carrot, cucumber, etc--but I am able to do this because I have a very high quality juicer. If you go to places that have these types of juices available--always ask for beet when your iron is low. Check out what some people say about beet juice (it tastes best when mixed w/ OJ):

Beet juice may boost stamina to help you exercise longer, improve blood flow, and help lower blood pressure, some research shows. ... Beets are rich in natural chemicals called nitrates. Through a chain reaction, your body changes nitrates into nitric oxide, which helps with blood flow and blood pressure.

Some athletes drink beet juice and say it boosts their athletic performance.