I'm struggling more than I care to admit

Lately I've been feeling pretty bad. I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm overwhelmed by small tasks. Nothing brings me the joy I used to find in everything. As far as I can tell nothing really happened to bring this on. I just feel myself falling into the same pit I was in for years and I can't. I have a son now. I have bills to pay. There's no one there to pick up the pieces if I fall apart. But I don't know how to stop it. Before, I had so many unhealthy ways to cope a bit. But now that I have to be responsible I'm not sure what to do. I don't really have friends, I don't have the energy to maintain relationships with "normal" people who can't understand what I'm going through. I have to pretend to be happy all say at work and then I can't just cry in front of my baby. He makes me happy but I'm mentally exhausted and I don't know who to turn to for help. So I came here. But other than this I have no ideas. I'm breastfeeding so I can't be on medicine and I don't know...

I can really understand just about everything except having a child to raise, but pretty much everything else I can relate to. I cannot sleep at all lately, 2 hours of sleep seems to be about all I get a day. I can no longer do so many things because as with you there is no joy in anything anymore this depression has ruined everything. All of the friends I have are online, and there aren't many of those. I can only imagine what it must be like for you to not only suffer like that but also have to worry about raising a son. I don't know what I can possibly say to help you through this since I can't do anything for myself, but if you want someone to at least chat with you can send me a message. The only thing that really helps anymore for me is having anyone to chat with, maybe it can help you too. I wish you the best and I hope you are able to over some your struggles.

It makes me feel a bit better to know that at least I'm not the only one who feels like this. I've been feeling kind of crazy lately

LabrythineHeart,
I too have suffered from depression since before my son was born. I went to a psychiatrist who recommended an antidepressant. I breast fed for 6 months then took the antidepressant and went to therapy. Fast forward 20 yrs., my son is now in college
I know what you mean about not having the energy to pretend enough to have someone to socialize with. Through the years I have found people that I can be myself with. I've had some physical health issues this year and find myself feeling depressed again so back on an antidepressant for about a week and a half now. I'm hopeful that I'll feel better soon. Do you have anyone to help you. Sounds like you have a lot of responsibility?

Could you see a therapist to help you process some of this? I'm sorry you are in such a tough position. I'm here if you need to talk.

I'm trying to quit breastfeeding but weaning is harder than I expected. It's encouraging to know that you can successfully raise a child even with mental illness though. I worry because my son's father is rather useless so I feel like I have to be both parents.

I'm going to try to reply. Is there anyone else who can help? Idon'tthink I could have done it without my husband. We don't have any family nearby do you?

My parents help a lot but they're so proud of me for raising my son alone I don't want to tell them I'm struggling. They think I'm past that part of my life and they have finally stopped constantly worrying about me and I can't do that to them again