I blew up at work, with my evil boss

Feeling pretty desperate, at the moment.

My unhappy work situation with a female superior is what brought me to the forum in the first place (and led me to take an antidepressant for the first time in my life).

The meds have not helped. I've felt more dangerously low these last few days than ever before.

Yesterday, I lost my temper with my boss, pulled her aside and told her I'd had enough, and why. It was dramatic. Not something I can take back. And I don't want to.

It's not like me to be out of control like this.

I really have to leave this job. It's killing me.

After I'd blown up, I felt human again.

Any ideas what I should do next?

BTW I'm CPTSD and a recovered (hopefully) anorexic.

It would be great if your supervisor straightens up as a result. Unless your supervisor starts acting better after what you told her, you might consider looking for another job. Life is too short and you don’t deserve that kind of knock to your well-being. I speak as someone who was bullied on the job for 6 years. It’s just not worth the damage it does. Thinking of you. ((((Hugs)))).

Sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time, Purple.

I can think of at least 3 options:
1) Wait and see if your evil boss changes her behavior. Sometimes getting it all out brings real change.
2) Continue business as usual as if it didn't happen.
3) Start planning how you might escape this job. Look for new opportunities while coping with the evil one.

This happened to me in a previous job and I did a combination of 2 and 3. I got angry at my boss and said a few things, then I said "I've had it" and stormed out of the room. He never mentioned it and strangely, things just continued. Unfortunately, nothing really changed (except I left that job later on). I was glad I did get angry, because I felt mistreated and it made me feel good to let him know it. I am usually quiet and calm (on the outside) at work, so it wasn't like me and must have shocked him.

I hope it gets better for you.

Doesn't your boss have a boss? Maybe you need to take this higher if she is victimising you? You have rights.

Thank you. It's good to know you guys understand. She won't change. She'll be nice to me for a few weeks and it'll start again. If you were bullied, you'll know how crazy it makes you. I think about the situation every second of the day. Really appreciate your message.

Thanks Carmina. It's not that kind of company, I'm afraid. Another round of staff cuts has just taken place. Overstretched people are having to work even harder. The managers, I can tell, have been briefed on how to squeeze more work out of everyone.

When an overstretched team fails to meet a target, who is going to take the blame?

No-one is allowed to speak negatively about the company.

The outcome.... the team has to be blamed for failing to meet the unrealistic target.

That's the background, really, for how an experienced person like myself is suddenly facing constant criticism.

So, no, the company won't help.

What a world. Thank you!

Really appreciate your thoughtful reply.

I'd advise a friend, as you said, to bide their time and look for something else.

But I just feel so ill and strange. Something in me has snapped. It might be the antidepressant (it's been less than 4 weeks).

A sudden and sharp decline.

The doctor who prescribed the meds was quite good. I scored very high on his depression questionnaire. He offered to sign me off for a month, so I could recover my strength.

I've also lost weight and I was tiny already so I think he could see I was in trouble.

I said no, as I thought it would cause more problems than it solved (I really didn't want my company to know about my depression).

I'm now thinking maybe I should take him up on his offer. It's out there now anyway

I just can't stand it anymore.

Would it defeat the purpose of taking a month off from work if you used that time to look for other work? I know for most of us the job hunt is as stressful as a bad job sometimes, but I'm wondering if that would be a good use of that time. Maybe. Maybe not.

It's not ideal, but in a way, I'm glad you had at your boss. I can understand not wanting to take it back.

Keeping you in my thoughts, PVB.

Thanks so much, dear Bjornen.

Yes, that's what I would use the time for.

Just not having to go back there... I would actually feel like I could stand to get out if bed and live another day in this world.

I see the doc on Friday. Would you say yes if he offers being signed off again?

Sorry, it's not fair to put that onto you.

Would you think it a reasonable idea?

Does your company have an HR department you could talk to about the possibility of a leave of absence? At this point, you want to do what is best for your wellbeing and health. If there is a paid or unpaid leave, that might be a way to give you time.

We care about you and don't want to see you in decline.

I think I would sign off, in your case. I've been as guilty as anyone in staying with a lousy job because I'm too scared to put myself out there, and risk finding something worse, but if it was bothering me the way it's been bothering you, I think I would take the leave. If my job forced me to look into medicine to help me cope, and I broke my composure and told off my evil boss, I think I would take that plunge. But I very much understand your hesitation about jumping in and doing it. It's scary!

Thank you so much.

No, I've seen HR behave badly in the past. They pay lip service, as big companies do, but only seem interested in preventing the company being sued.

You're right, it is worth exploring the options.

I'm too exhausted to arrange time off due to exhaustion.

Thanks Bjornen. I really appreciate you putting yourself on the line like that. It's sobering to hear my situation described that way.

I spoke to a colleague today and she's also been having physical stress symptoms but hadn't said anything.

Big hugs.

Sounds like a miserable situation. Sometimes that can be an opportunity for growth, as one learns to deal with challenging people in a challenging environment. Because I threw in the towel way too easily, when I was real young, I went to the other extreme, as I got older, and persevered in some situations that I should have just got out of. So I'ld advize that you not make that mistake.

You know yourself. If there's little likelihood of this scenario improving, then you may want to pck it in. I trying forcing myself to stay in some bad job situations, only to snap and walk out the door after a complete meltdown. I found that I felt better when I left on job calmly. So if there's little hope of things improving, you might want to give notice and leave before you snap and lose composure. Sometimes it feels right to go off at someone who's tormenting you. But, having given this person an uncensored piece of your mind, consider next making an orderly, calm exit: writing the letter, giving notice and leaving based on a calm decision, rather than in a storm of fury. I mean the latter way is appropriate sometimes, and I've done it. But you can have 3 options: keep persevering and stay, leave when you explode, or make the planned termination on a day of your chosing.

You might ask yourself how long you've tried to make this work. If you've been employed here a few years and you feel this miserable, what's the likelihood that it will change?

I am so sorry you’re going through this.

Do you think maybe the antidepressant might have influenced your behavior?

I do hope you find your way to the right solution for you.

((((((((( Purple,Violet,Blue ))))))))

Thanks so much everyone for your kind thoughts.

I called in sick today, as my body felt leaden so there was no way I could get through another gruelling day. I just woke up now, at 2.30 in the afternoon!

I told my boss it was insomnia. Well, it kind of is as I couldn't drop off to sleep the last two or three nights. It all just goes round in my head, trying to make a decision.

She was being caring sounding on the phone.

I can see why the doctor wanted to sign me off... these drugs (sertraline) are strong! Today, my arms feel like they're made of concrete.

I'll try and eat something and take my time today and try to decide.

Thanks again. It really helps to not feel alone.

Grrrrrr at mean bosses

I was prescribed sertraline, the latest in a long line of drugs I’m allergic to

Re the mean boss, I agree, they pay lip service. They are interested in preventing the company being sued

Thanks Fuzzy.

It's so hard to know what is your own anxiety and what is the drug.

I just don't seem to know anything at the moment.

I'm too spaced out to get my CV together.

I might just slowly browse to see what jobs there are in my area.

Have you tried DBT? I’m trying to read a self help book on DBT. I was on Paxil for far too long, I didn’t even have suicidal depression then. Those drugs are potentially dangerous in my opinion, they are very hard to come off, and if people stay on them for ten years plus or even for “life” ... well... they can contribute to very scary health issues. (Mostly not directly fatal ) They are making more and more studies re this. . Just my opinion

I haven't heard of DBT. I'll look into it right now. Thank you. Sorry you had that experience. I absolutely loathe taking anything at all. I have allergic reactions a lot too, so it adds an extra edge to the worry... watching for a strong reaction in yourself.

I'm a big old mess right now!

I blew up at my boss AGAIN!

Today, we worked together for the first time since the last scene. Awkward? Yes.

The day started with her apologising for upsetting me before. I was non-committal. We became busy. She did almost the same things that made me lose it before!

I saw red. Took her aside and said, This is what I was talking about...

She defended herself by saying she behaves the same way with everyone. We had a bit of a ding dong.

After the support I've had from you guys here, I somehow was able to find the right words.

Feeling I was prepared to walk out (or call in sick until I found something else) helped a lot too.

Thanks everyone.

I feel good about standing up for myself.

I get so mad at myself a lot because I don't have the courage to ever blow up at anybody at work. I hold back a lot because I feel like I can't afford to lose my job since it's the only thing going right for me in my life.

There's a cleaning lady (or janitor) that upsets me and I think that she feels the same way about me. What really makes it hard is that she does not understand English. She's not hesitant to express her anger, but I am.

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I've been through it myself. There were times when I prevailed by just sticking it out and other times I had quit. Best to you. Oh, outside of work, I can express my anger easier.

This lady must be some piece o' work . . . to draw this out of you. I mean you sure don't give the impression of being an obstinate, contrary, difficult person to relate to. And you seem, at the very least, reasonably intelligent and someone who'ld be cooperative. But they're out there - those who fulfill the "Peter Principle:" "People tend to rise to their level of incompetence."

When I got dealt raw treatment on the job, I used to take two days off, just to send a message, sort of a "job action" in lieu of quitting, till I was ready to do that. I hope you find a situation where you'll be valued and shown that. I've had both kinds of jobs. Usually, when I left a place, I ended up being somewhere that was better in some way. (Though not always, but often enough.)

So she says she treats everyone the same way. That wouldn't surprise me. Sometimes coworkers can give you some validation. I got that from a coworker I never expected it from, after we both had quit and ran into each other at a subsequent job site. She told me our previous job environment had given her PTSD. All the time I had thought she was fine with the place.

I hope it's not insensitive to say that I am amused by the fact that you clashed with your boss again. I think it's because I'm kind of living vicariously through you, and enjoy knowing that this person doesn't get to walk all over you anymore.

Grrr, don't mess with our Purple.