[Diamdog13]

Hi, I'm 18 male 6"1 135lbs (been to therapists when I was indenial and they say I'm not depressed[probably because I was indenial])
I wanted to kno if anyone had some experience with this and if they got better or are working on it.

I been indenial about being depressed for about 3 years, I got into drugs at the start of high school and became another statistic and just recently realized I've been depressed and self medicating.

But the problem is, I'm being honest, I'm not a nice person and honestly have caused so much pain to others. I still live with my parents and don't work or leave the house (no motivation at all, I just want to get high or die) unless it's for drugs. I'm fully capable to do anything that I want to do to make my life better, but I simply choose not to. My family is amazing and want to help me but I just don't accept their help. I LITERALLY have everything that a normal kid has, and I heavily feel that I don't deserve to be depressed. But I really am, I literally wake up, sit in my chair and get messed up in front of the tv till night wen I go to sleep(I've been doing this daily for like 3 years after I dropped out of higschool//side note, I actually have spine and neck problems just from sitting in a chair so long)I eat maybe one meal a day if I even eat . Other then that I'm just waiting for a disaster to happen to me so I could die already. I will not take my life, I don't want to just end what god has given me. But I also don't want to go on, when I think of what's out in the world it just doesn't interest me at all.
I guess I'm asking you guys if you've ever heard of this or even have had it, and how you got out of it. If you took the time to read all this, thank you so much, and if u have any wisdom, any at all please share, I never told anyone any of this and really wanna hear a perspective from someone looking in. Thank you I'm sorry if this is all over the place I'm new and wanted to make sure I put important details.

Edit: I've heavily slowed down on drugs and almost have getting messed up kicked(probably why I'm looking for help)

[PinkyDoo]

How were you denied treatment? Have you tried to get in to treatment again? Have you looked in to drug treatment? It sounds like you could use some help.

I know what you mean about feeling like you don't deserve it. It's strange to look at your life and know you have a pretty good one, but it's overshadowed by sadness. That is what depression is, though. It's not a state of mind. You have good things in your life and you still get a cold, the flu, or people with perfectly fine lives have autoimmune diseases or diabetes. It's there, and you need to treat it.

The only thing I can offer for self care is to get outside. Exercise. Get those good endorphins. I know you don't feel motivated, but that sunshine and movement really does help. At least for me. And definitely, get help. Don't give up!

[Skeezyks]

Hello Diamdog: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. By the way... I'm now pushing 70 years old. But I can relate to quite a bit of what you wrote. (I'll spare you the gory details.)

From what you wrote it sounds as though you're struggling with some serious depression, probably made worse by the use of illicit drugs. There aren't any simple answers to this. Somehow you're going to have to find the strength to reach out, in real life, for the help you need. You have to find a therapist you feel comfortable with, & with whom you can be forthright. You may need to find a psychiatrist & see if some antidepressants will be of help.

It would be great if there were some secret remedy for what you're going through. But there's not. It's just a lot of determination & hard work. And it comes at a time, & in a situation, when you feel utterly incapable of doing anything. That is one of the worst aspects of depression. Here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some interest:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/person...of-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-stra...ure-depressed/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/tips-f...ure-depressed/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/depress...en-or-the-egg/

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

[Saunder]

Hope you get the help you deserve. There are very caring people on this site. I'm guessing you are a good person. Maybe just stuck for now. (I'm over 65 and not doing very well at all right now, mentally exhausted. I don't think I'm a good person either for being so weak). There is a lot of help out there. I hope you find some that helps. TAKE CARE

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. You’ll find guidance and encouragement here. It sounds like you are or have been in denial about the depth of your depression. Can you see a therapist or a psychiatrist to get some help with this? Take care.

[MtnTime2896]

I can relate to a bit of what you said. By the time I was 18, I was drinking sun up to sun down. That was (still sort of is) my drug of choice. It's cheaper and legal and got me into a LOT of trouble. I also dropped out of school and have suffered with depression most of my life. I'm nearly 22 now. I've controlled my drinking habits down a great amount compared to back then. It's still a demon of mine and always will be.

It took getting into some serious legal trouble and almost dying for me to get any help. I hope it doesn't have to be that way for you. The event was a shock to my system and made me realize that I need other outlets that actually help with my depression. Whenever I wanted a drink, I'd to ten push ups, I'd walk, I'd write or if I was feeling particularly low I'd just sit and talk to myself about it (weird but screw it, I'm weird). I also have started cleaning every time I crave self-destruction. The biggest step I took was seeing a therapist for the first time. It was so damn hard, but once I began that route, I was set to get better about something.

I'm not going to lie to you, my life is still really hard to live with. I hate waking up, let alone getting up. I still want to drink day in and day out. I still want to die. However, I have a better relationship with my mom, I have a fiance I love to the moon and back and a best friend who always has my back. I don't drink nearly as much, which has done wonders for my depression and self-loathing. Getting enough help can lead to having days where you can get up without as much struggle as the day before. It's not easy but it's worth it.

I'm here whenever you need to talk.