To everything turn turn turn

I am not doing well. I saw my wife yesterday and she was wearing her wedding band and then gave me a hug I mistook this for her wanting to get things rolling towards us being a family again. I was wrong she told me the only reason she did any of that was because there are people in her family that don't know what is going on. I got upset about it and told her that I feel like she does not want to work this out because everytime I want to talk about it she can't talk. I added fuel to the fire that had already started burning out of control. I am going to take a week and get back to basics for myself. I am not going to communicate with her or the kids (that is going to be the hardest part) or any family memebers, I am going to be doing a lot of writing. Also a lot of soul searching. I must find the center of my being and get things fixed so that I can be normal again. I am really struggling, but not as bad as a week ago. I hope that everyone understands why I must do this and they will not be upset with me. May God bless you all. Thank you very much.

sounds like you could use some therapy sessions together so you can talk about things that are important to you and your family, especially the kids.

(((((((((((( dragonphoto )))))))))))))))

ever since my depression started (i was 15) i've been a little crazy, but during my family breakup it became intolerable... even though some of the family members hurt for me there was little they were able to do or say, i suppose they must have felt pretty helpless themselves...

getting away and quiet time now might be good for you... it's just so hard to stay silent when you feel your life and heart being ripped apart...

if i had it to do over again i wish i had more strength and been able to mask my pain better... in my case my mind was running overtime and the moodswings were horrible, one moment strong, next falling to pieces... i wish i had been able to spare everyone else my hell, but it just wasn't so... everyone likes a strong man, dealing with his pain and not showing how much it hurts but isn't that a movie character? someday i hope we mature enough and pain and sorrow is seen as a normal and natural part of the human process for everyone, not just a few groups who are then lablelled as weaker... men hurt too dammit!!!

it will turn dragon, and it will pass, but i know thats hard to see right now, but trust in the process, i know, i've been where you are and even though it seems like the end of all things, it isn't... you can become stronger from this but it takes time... sometimes i think the greater the pain, the greater the lesson is going to be... hang in there..

Still hanging in there, and I would not mind being that guy in the movie either. It is all about self-expression and you hit the nail on the head. As men we are not taught how to express our emotions in the proper way and when it is time to express them we fall short of what the expectations are for us. I know because it has happened to me quite a few times and I have masked things like with anger, but not here recently. As I started down this path I actually came in touch with what it means to show emotions and the proper way (or so I think) to express them. It has been a long road and I know that I am not even half way there yet, so keep on trucking is what I must do.

dragonphoto, I'm sorry you are going through such hard times right now with your marriage and family. I hope especially you will let your kids know why you are withdrawing right now. Kids need to know it is not about them. They feel abandoned. They just need some reassurance you will be back and they haven't done anything wrong to drive you away. It was extremely painful for me and my kids when my husband withdrew from our family. None of us knew what we had done wrong, just that we had "lost" an important member of our family. Very painful.

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I feel like she does not want to work this out because everytime I want to talk about it she can't talk

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Sounds like the situation is extremely painful for your wife. I hope she can see a therapist and work through some of her pain so she can move forward with you on the marriage, whichever direction you guys choose. I was in therapy for a while before I got the courage to move forward with a divorce. It's a tough road, and hope springs internal that you can make things work. My husband and I went to about 8 sessions of couples therapy to help us "uncouple". It was very helpful in getting us to communicate openly about our future (splitting up). We were in a lot of denial before that. Yesterday was a landmark day for us. We officially separated, and my husband moved out. Even though we know we don't want to be together anymore, it is still painful for us both. Therapy has taught me not to deny that pain.

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everyone likes a strong man, dealing with his pain and not showing how much it hurts

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nowheretorun, actually quite a few women do not prefer this sort of man. I am one who really likes a guy who is not afraid to show his emotions and express his vulnerability. Don't be sucked in by the image the movies give us! Keep on working on being authentic. It's worth it and I think helps with mental health.