I told someone a “little secret” about a private detail. He said he can use it for a specific purpose. I asked “what?” and he said “oh, nevermind”

Now I am worried and this case has added another straw to my accumulated atress, and hence made me more suicidal

I really want to end my life. Really, only my mother cares about my life, and she only cares that I live and exist, nothing more
My therapist’s abuse has done that and I have learned that bad people are GOOD!
Therefore, good people must die and bad people thrive. My parents don’t even care, so I must really be a worthless piece of s***

So, one day I will just die.

In a more realistic talk - I could NEVER talk about mistakes I did at home. I’d get no attention to the bad feelings from it and just get either a cold answer from my mother or an angry or apathetic answer from my father

Time to die I guess. Bullying is strength, abuse is good. Just look at my beautiful therapist who gets to rip and tear other futile people for money so he can continue his beautiful life of glory and pride

And stop with the hugs. They don’t help

“What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.”

Here is a phrase from Isaiah describing this
It’s the truth. Other than saying it’s sorrowful, he doesn’t say anything otherwise so it’s the truth, and more over, puts more pity on people like me

SO JUST KILL ME ALREADY!!!!!!

Well, 100% of you doesn't want to die, because you have made this post. We will all die someday, you are right about that. But I don't think you really want to go just yet.

What you want, is for the suffering to end. Suicide is one very permanent way to do that, but your heart isn't into it. Why? Because you would just do it, rather than make this post. That is a VERY good thing, it means there is some fight left in you.

I think a huge part of your suffering is a focus on the past, on the people who have wronged you. How has that obsession been working out for you? How miserable do you feel, when you focus on others and their wrongdoings?

The ultimate payback to those who have wronged you, is to move on with your own life. Get a good therapist if that will help. Work on being independent and living alone if you are not already. Consider finding employment or going to school. Make goals, achieve things. Start small and build up. You have the potential, but it is 100% up to you whether to:

a) Stay stuck on the past and be miserable
b) Move forward and work on yourself

I imagine this may sound harsh to others reading, but I know you appreciate actual feedback rather than a simple hug. I hope you find this reply useful in some way.

I am not willing to move on from abuses. This is a TERRIBLE life lesson!
No one deserves to take the habit of being abused and suffocating it!

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

I am not willing to move on from abuses. This is a TERRIBLE life lesson!
No one deserves to take the habit of being abused and suffocating it!

I am not saying forget. I am not even saying forgive. I am saying, -in spite- of this abuse, -in spite- of what you have been through, seek help for it and work towards having a fulfilling life. There is a HUGE difference.

Too afraid to seek therapy, too impatient for slow process, so I literally chose death.
Even a woman from the suicide hotiline just told “it’s yor choice”

I am even untrusting of my family and want to run away and leave them eith no way to gather information from me. They’ve been meddling with my life for FAR too long

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Too afraid to seek therapy, too impatient for slow process, so I literally chose death.
Even a woman from the suicide hotiline just told “it’s yor choice”

Well, it is ultimately your life, and therefore your choice. Best of luck to you.

Made an edit

I cant speak for you, but when i get in a place like where you seem to be, I feel like no one cam say the right thing. So on that note i wont give you advice, i will simply say i am listening.

[Wild Coyote]

Vent all you'd like. We are listening.
FWIW, I hope you choose life.

WC

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

I am not willing to move on from abuses. This is a TERRIBLE life lesson!
No one deserves to take the habit of being abused and suffocating it!

Thanks for letting me know you don’t appreciate hugs. This isn’t a problem to me. You perhaps were fortunate to receive some “love” from your parents. It’s not exactly easy to move on from that abuse,

Regards

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Too afraid to seek therapy, too impatient for slow process, so I literally chose death.
Even a woman from the suicide hotiline just told “it’s yor choice”

I am even untrusting of my family and want to run away and leave them eith no way to gather information from me. They’ve been meddling with my life for FAR too long

Sorry to post again .. I don’t know if you’re one of those who are hypersensitive to .. everything... I admit I was angry when I first read your post. I now know you appreciate honest feedback ... I do too but I don’t appreciate garbage like “it’s your choice” that old witch said to you. I agree. Unhelpful and could push some over the edge. I believe you’re “stronger” than that. Kick the abuses to the curb. If pc doesn’t help you, get other help.

No, I got no love, otherwise I wouldn’t be in this condition
Hugs don’t help, too
And everyone is intelligent, it’s like you’re saying that specificlaly because of that, I should live, meaning if you’re not then you have no reason to.
The truth is, everyone is intelligent.
Me? I’m in a very bad spot which is not my fault, yet I have no control over
I have no one to talk to, I hate my life, I am VERY ungrateful of the life I have been given

[Fuzzybear]

I get that... sorry if I was harsh, I got no love either. It’s hard to “live” when life is so ****

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Well, it is ultimately your life, and therefore your choice. Best of luck to you.

Just to be clear, I wasn’t meaning you in my post, I meant that woman on the hotline. I jumped into this post without reading it carefully..

.....

I noticed something - there were topics such as my crush, where while I didn’t say it, I just realised the problem - No one encouraged me, at least in the end.
I got nothing but “doesn’t mean anything” or “you need to be realistic”.
I need encouragement to whatever I do
But I’m afraid I am in such a dire condition I have no point in living. My mind will have ups and downs of regret, guilt, lots of regret, and wanting to suicide over and over again

I really wish someone would release suicide pills into the public. There’s no point for people like us ranting over and over to no end and no reaching point

[Fuzzybear]

Sometimes, ranting (and other “self help” ) can help us internally reframe things. It can take a very long time, I’ve seen it work for some. As you know, su doesn’t even always “work”.. one reason I’ve never tried it despite severe ideation.. sorry I haven’t been helpful. People here do care although it may not feel like it. If you or anyone ended it, it would sadden me and many others (and I know.. in some cases people wouldn’t know )

The thing is, I HAVE to feel cared for in order to know I am truly cared for. And right now, I feel no one cares about me. And no, cut the mental resolution of “It may just be right now”. It’s been this way for a long time.
No one cares about me. Even when my mother cares about me the most, she just doesn’t. I can be in a very bad state, in my room, and she won’t check on me. I have to yell and raise my voice to be heard and my father finds it a threat and I end up not raising my voice for fear of punishment

[Fuzzybear]

To me, it sounds like...

It doesn’t matter how it sounds to you, or anyone else!
If I! The person with the problems doesn’t feel cared for, that’s that!
Otherwise, I wouldn’t be ranting here over and over. I’d just get on with my life and pursue them like statistically everyone else

[Fuzzybear]

.......

What do your parents say if you tell them you feel uncared about?

I’m not gonna say that

[Fuzzybear]

(Edited)

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I cant speak for you, but when i get in a place like where you seem to be, I feel like no one cam say the right thing. So on that note i wont give you advice, i will simply say i am listening.

Wise words. I kind of feel ... it doesn’t matter.

[Rohag]

Reading/listening.