How to begin?

I don't know how to begin here. i used to be able to express myself so well. Now I can't even think of the right words. I have battled depression all of my life. I have tried meds and doctors. Nothing has ever worked for me. Doctors who watch the clock, meds that give me severe anxiety attacks. I've always been able to recognize my issues and kick myself quickly in the butt and say :"you're going through a rough patch, you know what it is so deal with it". Not this time. I am having trouble functioning at work. I can't wait to get home and just sit and stare at the wall. No noise, no t.v., no music. Nothing. Just nothing. I'm scared and unable to help myself. My husband doesn't understand. He loves me and he cares and I know he would never walk out on me but it's not fair to him.
Maybe being here with others who deal with the same issues will help.

Some rough patches are longer than others :-(

Welcome to PsychCentral, haunted. Good idea to join :-) Yes, it might help being with us nice people, give you a few ideas and get your mind off staring at the wall.

Welcome to PC! There are no competitions here for the most eloquent posts - we don't "rate" our members here You express yourself just fine (but I understand the struggle to find words that others may understand ...) Sorry to read things are so rough and please know that many others share your pain.... keep posting!

(((((((haunted)))))

It's like listening to me talking, seeing myself in the mirror a few weeks ago, well for a long time really. I am just starting to come out of a really bad bout of depression. Anxiety attacks, dissociation, my hubby and 2 teens didn't understand at first, I just felt guilt all the time.

First of all, drop the guilt about your husband who loves you and will support you through this, then that is one problem off your mind.....give him some info to read up on. It's awful when docs look at the clock, I have a thing about it, my pdoc still does it, but they do have other patients no matter how we look at it and I'm sure they dont do it to upset us (though it does me).
Please know that a few months ago I could see no way out whatsoever, felt suicidal, wanted out, cried all day etc etc.
Sweetie, you may feel these are just words right now, but you can and will overcome this. There are so many wonderful people here and your husband, keep reaching out, we will be here to catch you, so glad you found this site. It saved my life I can tell you.......write what you can, when you can, don't overwhelm yourself, if you work and need time off, then do it, anything that will make you feel better. Take time out to do the things you love even if it's something small. Please know this will pass, keep posting, talk to your husband and a doctor again. MAKE them listen....

Good luck, pm me if ever you need to, I can listen...

love, Jinnyann xxxx

Congrats for the ability to recognize in yourself when it's a "bad day" as I call them. Its a good feeling when you're able to do that. Wish i had those more frequently myself, but then I probably would not feel the way that I do. My sister and I are constantly asking ourselves "what's wrong with me?" I know that it was our up bringing, but I want to get over it already. I'm going to try vitamin D

I can't believe I've not found this place before!
Thankyou to everyone that has welcomed me so warmly. It's so nice to knw that I have a place to express how I feel without ther fear of being judged.
I think this might be the beginning of being able to dig myself out of the hole I'm in.
Best wishes and hugs to all!

Hi Haunted,

Sorry for your bad day and feeling overwhelmed. I too had a horrible day and felt so suicidal I didn't know what else to do but to be hospitalized. Luckily for me I found this site last month and today especially so many people helped me keep it together. You are fortunate to have a husband who loves and supports you, my husband is the opposite and criticizes me and is emotionally abusive especially when I need him the most. I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't love me anymore at all and just stays with me for our son and it's convenient at this time.

Welcome to this group as they are a bunch of wonderful people who will be there for you no matter how you feel and no one here will shame you or discount how you are feeling like I get at home.

Welcome haunted. I am glad your husband is supportive even though he may not know what to do to help. Maybe being here will help you know you are not alone. I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. I hope being here with us helps.

BB

you are fortunate to have a caring and supportive husbands. my husband is the same way. i know it can't be easy. but, it helps.