[Taonuviel]

I think I'm feeling the other symptoms of depression more strongly now that the suicide obsession is greatly reduced. Fatigue especially. I'm pretty healthy, just made it back into my weight range - although that wasn't the healthiest way. I regularly take walks and don't get tired at all, I feel I could walk on forever at a moderate pace. But now I feel I can't go far at all, and like I always need more sleep after being up a few hours, which isn't normal for me when I'm getting enough sleep as I am.

Everything seems like way too much for me now. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle the courses this Fall, and I have so much work to do now just to set it up to go at all. (But I can't hold off on college, because I have to live away from my mother, and this is the only way I can.) And I'm very afraid of peer relationships. I have at least 3 people I could try building a friendship with, but it scares me too much to try anything one-on-one. A group is safe... but not one-on-one...

And my mother. I tried making the topic of counseling and anything related off-limits, but she stated she would talk about whatever she wanted. So I state that she'll have to expect me to walk away or not listen, and know it's not to be rude. So she says something about that being a horrible way to treat my mother. And my dad was sitting there, trying to help me reason with mom, but she won't listen at all. And we continue to have such encounters. I'm so sick of it. :-\

This fight with depression is too hard.

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...

[SeptemberMorn]

This fight with depression is too hard. Yes, ma'am, it's hard but it's not impossible. There's too many here to prove that you can come out of it on the other side. Hey, if I can do it, I know you can!

Congratulations on your boundary setting with your mother! I would do exactly as you say and just turn and walk away when she starts talking about something you don't want to discuss. Wherever you go, turn your mind off to what just happened, as impossible as that may seem. It can be done, but it takes practice. I've become an expert at it.

Your energy level seems normal to me. You don't only get physically tired, you're exhausted from the emotional battles going on. Things will continue to improve. And again... take one thing at a time and take baby steps.

We're here to help.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Peanut61]

The fatigue is totally normal from depression. Wishing you well...

Warmly, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[shakes]

Taonuviel,
I understand that you are tired. Think of how much you are going through...your mother, keeping your weight down, the depression, and the walking. It is no surprise that you are exhausted.
Fatigue is one of the worse parts of being depressed. I sleep for 10 hours a day or more, especially as of late. I just feel so tired all the time and being awake just sucks so much out of me.
I too get discouraged..

Stay strong,
Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

[lalo53]

It's not worth giving up. We were all put here for a reason and there is much to live for. I started walking too and I don't care if it means I'm running away from my problems. It's just good for me, especially mentally. I know it's tough, but try to live in the present and make the most of it. You'll be fine.
Lindsay.

[Taonuviel]

Thanks everyone.

I'm not suicidal. I rarely think of it, which is kinda a big deal because it's been foremost in my mind for a long time. Sometimes I wish I could just end it, but I'm willing to try stuff, and I'd like to live to be whole if that can ever happen.

At least I'm getting some stuff done. It looks like my college credits and finances are coming together, and I'll just have to worry about being a tolerable roommate and getting coursework done when I come to it. Arranging to get help from my church in paying my therapy co-pay, so hopefully my income will stretch farther... maybe be able to pay the car insurance. Having a co-dependency flare up with my mom, but sticking to my resolutions despite emotions. Things are working somewhat.

Just feeling exceedingly ambivalent and pessimistic, but with too many emotions at times. Pushing on, I guess.

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...

[SeptemberMorn]

Prayers going your way, {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tao}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} You've got what it takes.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Wants2Fly]

I almost wish I were back to being suicidal. I feel as if I don't even have the energy to care about that anymore.

For a while I was researching methods, went out and bought some stuff to follow through, then gave it away when I had to get out of my home.

II hear tell we're all here for a reason but I sure don't know what mine is.