[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Smileonmyface

heard back from troop leader. she doubts any of the girls would be deliberately mean. really? baloney. she validated and agreed that my daughter is not really connecting with the other girls. they are working on it. meh.

Are you open to your daughter quitting scouts? My mom actually became a leader when I was in the scouts because I was hopeless at connecting with the other girls. The only reason I didn't get bullied was because she was there. Otherwise, I was in the same situation as your daughter. I actually don't remember quitting the girl scouts, but I don't remember being a scout my first year of high school. So for me quitting the scouts was a good thing. Good luck to you and your daughter.

Today was a fairly good day for me. In the afternoon I took a three hour bike ride. This morning was nice as I had explained earlier. Nothing much after the three hour bike ride.

[88Butterfly88]

Woke up depressed again. Seems to be a morning thing for me. Maybe there is something I could take at night to wake up better in the morning? I'll mention it to pdoc.

wish I got more done yesterday but blah.

it really feels like I'm just wasting the days away (I am, but do you blame me?). I hate life.

today after another night of no sleep, it is sunny outside and I am once again doing **** all

story of the vortex..

for the record I am not feeling depressed today.

just.... displeased with my lack of motivation

[katydid777]

I was very busy yesterday. I went through my closet, and came up with 3 kitchen bags full of cloths that I ether never wore with tags still on them, and cloths that I may have warn only once or twice. I gave all of them to a young 25 year old neighbor, that is just a bit taller than me, but very small like I am. She has 3 girls under the age of 6, and I know how hard it can be at that age, to be able to buy for your self. She told me while we were going through the clothing, that she felt like it was Christmas. Also around 1 or 2 months ago I bought a blow up swimming pool that was around 3 or 4 ft high that I hadn't put up bc we have had so much rain this year, so I gave the pool to them for the girls, along with the sand I bought to put under it. They will most likely put it up next year so they can put a fence around it, so there 2 dogs won't pop it. I bought it to cool off during the hottest days here, but this year we had a very long winter for here, and then rain most of the time, so I never took it out of the box. I think the Good Lord had me buy that pool for those 3 girls. I know they will get more use out of it than I would have. Anyway all of that made me feel so good, and blessed that I can go up the road and see this young family all I want!!! I hope some day I will become a Grandmother. I know if that my Son has children, that I still won't be able to see them very often, bc I know they will live far from us. We only get to see our Son maybe once a year if that. Anyway it was a very good day.

[katydid777]

Today so far is good. I have already went through my dresser, and have another bag of cloths for my neighbor, and I know she will like most of it. I have made a fresh batch of humming bird nector, and put it in the fridge. Ate my toast, and took my meds. Gave my little chihuahua his meds, and fed the dogs. I also put the dishes away. So I have gotten a few things done, and it has started out to be a good day. Tomorrow I have a apt. with my primary Dr. and she won.t be too happy with me bc I haven't had that stress heart test done, and she gave me the Dr. order 3 months ago. This test is just too expensive for us to pay at this time.

[Smileonmyface]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Are you open to your daughter quitting scouts? My mom actually became a leader when I was in the scouts because I was hopeless at connecting with the other girls. The only reason I didn't get bullied was because she was there. Otherwise, I was in the same situation as your daughter. I actually don't remember quitting the girl scouts, but I don't remember being a scout my first year of high school. So for me quitting the scouts was a good thing. Good luck to you and your daughter.

I would be happy to have her quit. She is adamant about being in it though so I am seeing how it goes. I wish we could find another activity with nicer kids.

[Smileonmyface]

baby is sick. I had to reschedule therapy today. Taking him to doctor instead. I hope it's nothing serious. Therapy will be Thursday. At least I have it to look forward to a bit longer.

[nikon]

i feel very blank today. i had bad dreams and woke up a few times feeling anxious, with a headache. even if i wake up and feel wide awake during the night though, when my alarm goes off i take half an hour to wake up through the noise.

i'm having some dark thoughts, and i don't know how alarmed i need to be - like if i need to address them with med changes etc. at times in the past i have gone through stages where i have realized at a point that i've passed the point of being able to save myself from myself. ie: at a certain point i realize that i'll only get out of the dark hole with some drastic help. i kind of worry that i'm sliding towards that point. it's just that i don't know how to get the right kind of help at this stage.

[Smileonmyface]

took baby to doctor. it's just viral, he needs a few days to get over it. was kind of relieved to cancel tentative playdates for tomorrow. I was not feeling up to it but didn't want to cancel. his fever gave me a reason to. i mean, that sounds terrible. I don't want him to be sick. I just didn't want to follow through on the playdates. ugh. after the doctor we picked up a few groceries and the girls behaved absolutely horrible. people in the store glared at me. i am so used to it. i am so over it. if they think they get to me they just have no idea.

The day went by fast at work today, which was nice, even though it was not busy. I got the stuff from my sister today. I called and thanked her for sending it to me. Worked out and it went very well. Went to the pool area. I had it to myself and then some people came in when I was about to leave. Not bad, but I would have preferred to no see them.

[tigerlily84]

Went to work. It's getting harder to keep up my motivation to do everything and I keep getting more and more stuff to do. There's no end in sight. I'm also giving my dog her insulin shot and I worry that she won't get better. I need her.

I am in pain

I didn't sleep again

I have no plans for tuesday accept for watching tv and stuffing my face with candy and cola

I am unmotivated

yesterday someone congratulated me for the fact that I'd not attempted suicide in 2018

Possible trigger:

I was like to them well.... if my last attempt had worked, I wouldn't be here feeling depressed

I couldn't accept it as a compliment

because it's what I want to do

die

[nikon]

today hasn't been that bad. still feeling quite blank, but i got good news about work - i still have some part-time work and am not totally unemployed from next week. i'm happy with part time for now because i feel like the past few months have taken everything out of me, and cracks are beginning to show. i signed up for a weekend jewelry design course starting at the end of september, which i'm really excited about. it's a bit random... i never had any interest in jewelry at all, but did a workshop the other day and it was fun. so now i suddenly want to become a jewelry designer that's why i have thought committing to study something is/was a bad idea. i change my mind every few weeks. at my age i can't afford to do that, really, but meh...

[Rose76]

I'm still doing well. Main thing is to get some errands accomplished every day . . . even just one thing. That way I don't get disgusted with myself.

[Smileonmyface]

having an ok day. tomorrow i finally get to have therapy. Baby boy seems to be all better and so far no one else has gotten sick (knock on wood...) took the time today to lie down again this morning with baby boy as he slept late, and watch him while he slept. thought about how fast he is growing. when middle daughter wanted lap time with mommy I sat down and held her for a while. and i listened to oldest singing her songs this morning while she played. I realized in less than a week they will be back at school and I will miss them.

Slow day at work but I guess it had to be expected since we're approaching the holiday weekend. I imagine it's going to be very slow in the next couple of days. That's alright with me.

A pretty good day for me emotionally. I worked out and it went well even though I felt tired. It seemed like it got hot again. When I was driving home from work, I thought that I would fall asleep at the wheel. Went to the pool area tonight and it was wonderful. No one there on a nice balmy night. The only complaint that I have is that the pool area has been dark for the last few nights. The lights there are not coming on. But there is a consolation and that is I can see the stars in the night sky now.

Also I spent the afternoon narrowing down where I want to stay when I go on vacation. I sent out three emails to inquire. One came back rejected because the address was unknown. I already got one response back. I'm waiting for the other one, which is my first choice.

[Rose76]

Still feeling good. Ritalin is helping me. My sleeping has been better. I fall asleep at a reasonable hour. I still wake up in the middle of the night. But the sleep/wake cycle is way better than it was.

Possible trigger:

started the day by getting another death threat from my mother which was uncalled for

still really intent on paying people I know to kill me which is sick.

made me feel uneasy and unsafe.

for the rest of the day I just do what I usually do- internet, tv, eat, etc.

I got to stroke a dog this afternoon which was nice
feeling in diffrent

I'm not happy to be alive, but don't wanna die

[Smileonmyface]

had a good therapy session today, even with the kids in tow. afterwards got them lunch at wendy's and took them to the dollar store for school supplies for oldest; middle got to pick two dollar toys and chose horses of course. got odds and ends for myself to make myself feel better because i decided i deserved it. it was a good day.

[SlumberKitty]

Went to work today which I'm proud of because I totally wanted to call in and not be at work but its a good thing I didn't. There are so many people out today and no one would have been in my department. I'm going to go to the bank later. And then dinner with my parents. Forced socialization.

[smallbluefish]

feeling a little distant from my counsellor lately, for what seems like no reason at all... wondering if I should address this at our next session when I really can't even guess what the reason might be.

enjoying the fact that the weather is finally cooling down, though.

[smallbluefish]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

Possible trigger:

started the day by getting another death threat from my mother which was uncalled for

still really intent on paying people I know to kill me which is sick.

made me feel uneasy and unsafe.

for the rest of the day I just do what I usually do- internet, tv, eat, etc.

I got to stroke a dog this afternoon which was nice
feeling in diffrent

I'm not happy to be alive, but don't wanna die

sending you lots of love--it seems like you've been carrying a lot lately.