All I can do is tell myself that God is watching them and HE will repay on my behalf.

I didn't sleep well again last night because I got blowing my nose until around midnight. I don't know what today will bring for me. I spoke to my friend this morning. We can't agree on what we can do today. I asked him to come over, but he doesn't want to. I don't know why we should remain friends. I come to his place a lot and I don't feel comfortable being at his place.

Nice having an extra day off. It seems like it's been a long time since I had an extra day off. Well, at least there's just a four-day work week coming up.

Originally Posted by Heartlight

All I can do is tell myself that God is watching them and HE will repay on my behalf.

I wish so too...with all my heart...
for you and me.

[Rose76]

I'm okay, but lazy. It's a form of depression . . . maybe an insidious form, but keeps me in a rut, just the same.

This pretty nice day is about to come to an end. It seems like it's been a treat for me to have this day off. Though I like my job, it's still nice to have a extra day on the weekend and a shorter work week to boot! A few people at my job have four-day work weeks all of the time.

My friend came to visit me. Getting him to come over can be like pulling teeth with him. He likes to visit and be with me, but it's a bit hard for him to do it. His son took him over today, which was nice of him. We had a pretty long time together. He stayed an extra hour than he planned because he missed the bus in leaving. He called to tell me that he enjoyed himself, but I felt a bit hurt when he told me that he could have used a little more excitement. There's not much he and I could do together since he can't walk and see very well.

I'm making more plans for my trip next month. I hate making phone calls, but I did. Fortunately, everyone I've spoken to have been very nice and helpful to me. I worry that they may not like talking to me.

[Fuzzybear]

Why won’t some people get their heads out of their own asses

Don’t they even know how much harm they are doing...

(Not anyone here)

Originally Posted by will19

This pretty nice day is about to come to an end. It seems like it's been a treat for me to have this day off. Though I like my job, it's still nice to have a extra day on the weekend and a shorter work week to boot! A few people at my job have four-day work weeks all of the time.

My friend came to visit me. Getting him to come over can be like pulling teeth with him. He likes to visit and be with me, but it's a bit hard for him to do it. His son took him over today, which was nice of him. We had a pretty long time together. He stayed an extra hour than he planned because he missed the bus in leaving. He called to tell me that he enjoyed himself, but I felt a bit hurt when he told me that he could have used a little more excitement. There's not much he and I could do together since he can't walk and see very well.

I'm making more plans for my trip next month. I hate making phone calls, but I did. Fortunately, everyone I've spoken to have been very nice and helpful to me. I worry that they may not like talking to me.

Which places do you plan to visit on the trip? Which part of the USA are you from?

I am wondering what I'm doing breathing

feels like nothing good is going on and I'm not in control of anything

[Smileonmyface]

got my girls off to school today and no one cried, not even me. It is weird but nice; I expected to cry. I have a call in to my old clinic and waiting for the nurse to call me back to see if I can go back there. I will be anxious about it until I have an answer.

[SlumberKitty]

Have people coming over tonight. Would rather not have people coming over but it was arranged in advance. I can't just not be there. My depression makes me want to hide out and not socialize. Sometimes its hard forcing myself to do stuff even if ultimately I know that it is good for me.

[katydid777]

My day went ok. I had a lot of things to do, and places to go. I am now home, but unfortunately I now have a migraine. I took my new med for them this morning, and I had to take other meds for it after I got home.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by katydid777

My day went ok. I had a lot of things to do, and places to go. I am now home, but unfortunately I now have a migraine. I took my new med for them this morning, and I had to take other meds for it after I got home.

Migraines stink! I sympathize because I get them too. I hope your head feels better soon!

[smallbluefish]

school begins again for me tomorrow. I'm looking forward to the courses I've enrolled in, but also a little apprehensive because I can never get a sense of how burnt out I'll be by the end of term (and burnout always happens).

also:
[CN / mention of sui ideation]
.
.
.
on the way home today, I suddenly remembered something my T said a few weeks back when I was experiencing ideation: those who experience suicidal ideation are geniuses at survival (since we have come this far despite how hard it can be to stick around). leaving this here in case it's helpful to anyone today.

Back to work today after a three day weekend. It went OK, nothing out of the ordinary happened. I was feeling depressed throughout the whole day. I didn't know why. I got thinking about the upcoming vacation and feeling like things could go wrong. Well, that's just me, always worrying. I need to break out of it. Also I was having some health anxiety.

I worked out after work and it went great. Only three days left to work this week now.

I got an email from my friend saying that a classmate of his in high school is taking some kind of marijuana oil for his pain. My friend suggested that I should look into that for my anxiety. I don't think I want to do that.

in a lot of cronic pain

failing majorly at my daily self- care

having the flashbacks from hell

not sleeping

Possible trigger:

it feels pointless being alive

Originally Posted by raging vortex

in a lot of cronic pain

failing majorly at my daily self- care

having the flashbacks from hell

not sleeping

Possible trigger:

it feels pointless being alive

Can you ask your pdoc to give you some med to sleep during the night? Sleep is very imp.

[Rose76]

I am barely managing to do the bare essentials. The apartment is becoming messy again. I go from one hour to the next without any plan for what I need to get done. I just spend hours watching TV and reading online. Yesterday, I didn't even remember that the previous night I had bought the ingredients for stew, which I was supposed to make yesterday. Instead I just went out and bought fast food for my bf and me.

I have to just start doing sensible things, and I will feel better. It's like I have the flu and can't move. Too many days I've been like this.

[88Butterfly88]

Depressed.

Possible trigger:

I wish I would die in my sleep. I'm safe though, just feel crappy.

[tigerlily84]

Feeling the weight of depression and anxiety today. I just want to go home but that's not an option and I have to be here at this high stress job. I feel like an exposed nerve, ready to snap. Not sure if I can make it through the day and it's only half over. I need a different job or maybe just a different life.

[SlumberKitty]

Depressed and sorrowful today. I have to say goodbye to my old T--via phone. She's sick with MS and can't see clients anymore. I don't want to say goodbye. I have three hours and then the phone call and then....................I don't know what then. Pick myself up I guess and keep going. Aargh.

[Rose76]

My boyfriend took a downturn last night. He's very confused today. The Ritalin isn't proving that helpful. I have to pull myself together.

I feel like I'm just letting myself fall apart.

[Mountaindewed]

It was difficult today. It’s too early for SAD, but could it be a foreshadowing of it? I don’t usually deal with depression unless it’s SAD. The start of September is pretty early. I mean, it’s still 90 degrees outside. It has started at the end of September. But I think that was only once. It’s mostly mid October until the end of March or start of April.

After I posted on here last night I felt very bummed in talking to my friend. He got critical on just about everything about me. The lunch that I had when he was over last Monday, the travel bag I plan to take on my trip, and the way I am as a person. He thinks that it's weird that I don't like crowds and has said that I don't like people in general. It's not true that I don't like people. I just don't like crowds and groups. Also he suggested that I should take the marijuana oil so that it can change the way I am. Oh geez!

A slow day at work today. Went bike riding after work. That's about it for the day.

it is a hot September day (sunny and warm, which I hate!)

feeling like their's no point to life- I mean I've done my basic self care things (clean clothes, wash face, but for what?)

I don't even have the correct thing for dinner tonight as I don't have it in the house

so freaking a little

overeating and sleep... both still bad

it also dawned on me today that out of a 24 pack of doctor pepper (really big bottles which I got yesterday), 7 are all ready gone