[the_disordered_one]

I was on incapacity benefit for a long time. I finally got healthy enough to be employed by someone (due to a first refusal, and not due to my inherent merit).

The job is similar to what I did in my last job, and I was told by various managers I was doing well. Then today the manager in overall charge chewed me out over some insignificant issue. He wasn't rude, but he was condescending. I left work knowing why people self-harm or attempt suicide.

I'll admit it. I fear people who have authority over me. It's not like I think they can destroy me totally, but they do have the power to ruin my life. I try to avoid attracting attention towards myself. I can't imagine how people can have an 'affable' relationship with their boss, knowing that this person can make you life hell on a whim and not have to deal with any real consequences.

I'm not quitting, but I'm thankful I'm not planning to work there after April.

[nowheretorun]

hi one

i can really relate... i've had good bosses but i still had that fear you described... it wasn't just the boss, everyone nearly, but tough around the boss for sure... i staryed working jobs without much supervision for that reason...

always had a hard time with work period... heck, everything was hard...

but now i have a boss i really like... maybe there's some emotion between respect and like that fits the way i felt with the other bosses... they just didn't inspire me like this one does...

it makes it natural to be affable with him, whatever this emotion is... its respect, like, trust, enjoy... i think having worked out some of my issues (many to go) i'm better able to able to connect with others...

your fears mirror back fear... preventing connections... love and respect mirror back the same... growing connections...

hope this makes sense...

[Perna]

I relate too. What I do is make my "own" plans and then they lose their "authority". I worked for 10+ years part-time just so I could "practice" interviewing and quitting jobs since that was difficult/anxiety-provoking for me. Think of something you want to learn in your life and how to work on it and for how long, etc. and your life becomes more "yours" and less the people out there's.

[lenjan]

Perna, you must be married or have another source of income somehow to be able to take and quit jobs on a whim and work part-time. I'm my sole support, so that doesn't work for me, and I'm told I'm "not seriously ill enough" (according to the disability people) to qualify for disability. (I'd be happy to let them live a day in my brain and then reassess!)

My experience in 20 years or so in the full-time working world is that bosses only allow you a "pass" for your mental illness up to a point. Eventually they start viewing it as an excuse, regardless of whether it really is, and regardless of how functional you really are. I don't know any good way around that.

[Perna]

Yes, it was 20 years ago when I was at a point I didn't have to work full-tme (but often worked more than one part-time job!).

But thinking one's own thoughts and why one is working at a particular job rather than just accepting it all from the "other" point of view is very freeing. If you want something and are working toward it the people around one can be less "annoying".

[Cyran0]

Bosses are like gnats at a picnic. No way around it.

Bosses suck a lot less once you've moved above entry level work and are respected for your experience and unique skills. Suddenly things like talent are rewarded.

I hope you get there but as for this gig, I'm glad to hear it's over in April.

Cyran0

[lenjan]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Bosses suck a lot less once you've moved above entry level work and are respected for your experience and unique skills. Suddenly things like talent are rewarded.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'm well above entry level work and have experience, unique skills and talent. It's still hard to find a boss who will be understanding when you say "I can't come into work today because I'm too depressed to get out of bed." Mine cares about how much I produce a week and how good it is. I can get by with the occasional bit of slippage, but generally, even when I feel like complete crap and am completely nonfunctional, I'm required to function to a relatively high degree.

[nowheretorun]

candybear, i've found that as well to be a major issue in findin satifying work... always produce more, less time, less benefit for the employee... pullrd my hair out over it for years..

i think America is in a cycle... those who would push more for less theory have been winning... now is a time employees are standing up, shaking off a bit of the yoke... stating it's time we remember that as well performance grades, we are human and the human can't be taken out of the animal...

its a story that has replayed itself thru time.. disruption and re-creation... here's to all the workers:

STAND UP... YOU ARE PEOPLE... YOU DESERVE RIGHTS AND CONSIDERATION..

they will keep us down as long as we let them...

Perna, I appreciate the fine points you've made... knowing what is YOUR PERSONAL wish is key... don't be distracte.. many of us do not realize we are not just speaking for ourselves... ideas pass forward by being exposed to the light... we are the light...

So all you slave drivin' incompassionate employers who read this... you are drilling holes in your own ship...

[sassypants]

I am one of those people that finally decided to stand up for myself. Respect me.

They did not like it, so they tried anyway to get rid of me.It
came down to:either they were going to fire me or I would
quit. I quit and I won the lawsuit against the company..Yea
Yea!
I hope, I never have to work for such people...but never say
never.
I wish you the best.

[nowheretorun]

i did the same... this nation of laws protects us... there is also pain in the spin-off... but like a vegetative flower, the petals open to the sun...

the Constitution is only the latest form of writing avaiable to express one spirit... that is of equality and justice for all... the foundation of our beliefs is very strong... what we've strived for is still in existence in our heart and minds... we must never give up hope and faith... even in the final battle throes... suvivors know to never give in is to never lose...

Thank You sassy

[the_disordered_one]

I'm not well enough to work without experiencing difficulties with people. Not only do I have to work at my job, I have to work at hiding my feelings all the time at work. I feel myself dying inside every day with all the real (and probably imagined) slights I receive each day.

Despite all the talk about 'equal opportunities' and 'celebrating difference', people are as prejudiced as ever about mental illness. Someone who is a 'bit odd' is not far shy of being a serial killer in many people's imaginations.

The fact is, the government (and I believe society in general) believes all those who can work, should, no matter the degree of personal suffering it causes. Nobody cares. And if something bad happens - tough, they say. If you can't be productive then you don't deserve to exist.

[Cyran0]

candybear, I in no way meant to imply that this isn't a very real problem, no matter what level of employment you're at. I was just trying to say that when you're at the bottom of the ladder, things are much harder. Sick or not.

Cyran0