I'm so pathetic!

I have no reason to be like this. So my biochemistry's off, now I'm on medicine, and I have no reason to feel this way. I've never faced anything in my life! I have no reason to trouble mom, to take people's time, to worry anyone. No reason for anything, to live, to die, to work, to be depressed, to love, to hate, to care, to hurt, to try. I'm just a selfish brat who ought to move on but doesn't know how, but I ought to know, so incredibly pathetic, with no reason to exist, just being a burden.
Should've never been born. I need to pull myself away, quit bothering you guys, and snap out of it.

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...

Sweety, you are allowed your pity party only until noon tomorrow. No more! We've all felt the same way you do, but most of us realize that it's only the depression speaking and making you see things in a warped perspective.

Tao, you should know by know that you can't just snap out of it and you most certainly are NOT pathetic! I wouldn't like you so much if you were! Stop listening to your depression's lies, Hun. Give your meds a chance to work or talk to your dr about it. Lots depends on how long you've been on it. Maybe it hasn't been long enough or maybe it's not enough or too much. It's hard sometimes to figure your meds, but just hang in there. It will all come together.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, Hun. Don't give up!





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

Thanks. :-\ It's just, it makes no sense. Needing medicine is one thing, but that's not all it's taking. I act like someone who's experienced horrible things, but I never have. There's no reason to it.

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...

There has to be a reason for it, Sweety. It could only be a chemical inbalance, but your T will be able to tell you more. Stop being so hard on yourself! Things are bad enough when you aren't feeling up to par. Be kind and gentle with yourself... as if you were your own child.

If you want to talk about it, you know you can always PM me, ok?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tao}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

You've got a contradiction there. You say there is "no reason to trouble people" because you have "never faced anything in your life" as if depression is only something that is a response to stress and disappointments in life.

The type of depression we have is the kind that exists because of a chemical imbalance and often has nothing to do with events in our lives. That is what makes it an illness. To think it shouldn't be a problem would be like to have a broken leg and not want to get a cast for it because you think you don't deserve a broken leg because you weren't outside skateboarding on the stairs when it happened.

The medicine is the right thing to do but it isn't like a "one size fits all" cure. Just because you are taking meds doesn't automatically mean your biochemisty is back in balance. The fact that you still feel this way proves that it isn't. It may take some more time and some fine tuning to be fully effective. The thing to do is to try to understand that (I know it is hard when our emotions and negativity get in the way) and to keep going for treatment... see your docs, let them know what is going on, do anything you can to help yourself get past this, including staying in contact with the people here who can help and understand.

If you went to the doc for your leg and he put the cast on the wrong leg, you would do something about it, no one would expect you to sit around in pain and say "well it shouldn't hurt because I've got a cast now!" It's not like we have x-rays that can pinpoint exactly which brain chemicals are off and why, as we can with broken bones. The philosophy of treatment is the same, it only seems different because depression is so misunderstood and society is so reluctant to bring it out in the open as the true medical problem that it is.


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--http://www.idexter.com

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tao}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} You're in my thoughts and prayers today. Be patient until Monday, be gentle with yourself until then and talk to your dr. Vent here if you feel like it. We've been where you are.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

Bad night, I guess. I still feel guilty, though.
I know it's a medical condition, and the medicine is helping a lot comparatively. That's how I can be so sure my depression has a biological component. But... there's problems under it, none that big, but things I'm too pathetic to change. I shouldn't react to them the way I do, it's rediculous I'm so overwhelmed by them. Being stuck in sadness due to a chemical imbalance is one thing, treat it right and it clears up, life can be lived again. When there's situational, developmental, or spiritual components it's more difficult to overcome. I've never had anything enough to cause those, but I reflect someone who has. I make a big deal out of nothing.

I guess therapy could be compared to physical rehab, I need help to train my mind to think as I should. There's just so much more work to do than there ought to be with how I've grown up - needs met, parents who love me, faith in God - which of itself should be a great help, I just don't take it. I have no reason to be like this.
It's odd, too... I'm dx dysthymia, which is lifelong minor depression, rarely major episodes. But I'm also dx major depression, and have dealt with it over the last 7 years. It's not supposed to work like that, it's like I'm doing something wrong, aggravating it, holding on to it.

I feel like a pain. Maybe I'll get over it soon. It's just frustrating, last night I had my first suicidal thoughts since the hospital, which I understand is normal, my T says that will happen. They didn't go too far, but farther than I'd like.

Um... I guess that's all I have to say. Thanks everyone for caring...

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...

The nickname I chose, Saudade, is the hardest word to translate. See, I'm writing from Rio (Brazil). It's a one-word equivalent to what (or who) we MISS. Like, MISSING. I feel as pathetic as you do, for the very same reasons - there is not one concret reason for me to feel like that. I'm not missing any body parts, know what I mean? I'm missing LIFE. So, we're pathetic out of guilt of feeling sad and lonely and trapped in depression in spite of farmaceuticals, maybe? It's selfish, I'm actually trying to help myself out of a black hole by trying to connect to yours. So this is for you and I: we are NOT pathetic. We live in the strangest world of war and hate and money being more important than feelings. Maybe you HAVE FEELINGS and in this materialistic reality, some might say that you feel too much.
But, hey, it's Saturday night and I'm a pretty girl completely lonely and alone trying to soothe a stranger's problem... Is that pathetic or what?
Wow! So pathetic that I'm laughing at myself, now! Maybe you could do the same?
Peace

It's so hard not to believe that our depression is a moral flaw.

It's not only our disease talking, but I believe that there is still social stiigma attached to depression.

I wish you love and hugs and do be kind to yourself.

Not too sure how I want to put this, but if you find the right group of people, I supposed mental health/illness can be as stigmatizing as being born with any deformity, contracting TB, getting AIDS or even our skin color! The prejudice and stigma come from ignorant people that don't want to know the truth of things. They consider themselves perfect and are more than ready to judge others. What a shock they would get if they took a good look at themselves! They are the ones that are less than perfect! They are the ones that cause others to suffer and have a bad go at life! Those of us who live with disabilities in any form, in the majority, are the understanding, caring people of this earth especially when we've traveled this road for a while. We've been tempered by the fire and come out "cleaner," stronger and better on the other end.

We do have a purpose and a calling; perhaps a higher calling than people who choose to stay ignorant and seem to have an easy life. Learning humility and compassion and staying strong isn't an easy road to travel, but it's worth it when all is said and done.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

Amen to that.

Every time I see perfect people spouting off about how abnormal I am, I think, "If this is how perfect people act, I want nothing to do with it!"


There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.