[polyconic]

I dont know why i am writing this i never talk to people unless they initiate conversation with me i guess im just tired and need to get this off my chest. This week hasnt been going so well i spent the whole day yesterday lying on my couch hiding under my blanket crying and for no particular reason i guess im just confused i am a student a private type of school and i enrolled because i needed something to do i dont even like the school and i dont think it will lead me anywhere i really dont seem to fit in anywhere and it scares me to death not knowing why im here am i just some sort of an entertainer whose sole purpose is to give my creator something to do to kill time i dont see any other purpose for me to be here. i dont want a job i dont want money i want to be able to do whatever i feel like any second of the day but that is not possible so im thinking about checking myself into a hospital so that i can just relax and try to find whatever it is im in search of is it normal that i have no memory of my childhood i seem to never remember having one and now i find it hard to recall what i did yesterday i am floating throught life and have no direction. i have been staying up later and later each day and i eat less and less i do not intend to kill myself but i wouldnt mind if i didnt wake up tomorrow why do i sit and cry why do i feel like i am responsible for every bad thing ever done when i know im not what should i do where should i turn to in this life i am so lost and i dont think i will ever find my way what is wrong with me

I look through your eyes to see the depths of me
as i walk inside my waking dream
i hold onto you for reality
watch me as i despense my seed
im alone here in the depths of me
with my open voids and no sense of serenity
for a seconds year i ponder these thoughts inside of me
never will i know the depths of me

[Peanut61]

Hi Polyconic: My brain cells aren't functioning very well right now, so I will reply to your post more fully at a later time, but I wanted you to know that I read it, and to WELCOME you to the board.

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[wisewoman]

It sounds like you don't even want to deal with life right now. You may have a clinical depression and I would advise you to speak with your doctor. You can go privately and share how your feeling, share your post if you like. If you get diagnosed with depression there are some good meds out there, it's a matter of finding the right ones. Also if you are depressed you will need therapy as well to help you sort it out and overcome it. I wish you luck and I'm glad your here.

[SeptemberMorn]

We aren't doctors here, but what you describe sounds very familiar; sounds like depression. Depression is sometimes temporary and sometimes it's not. It's an inbalance of the chemicals in your brain. Whatever it is, you need help. The first one to talk to would be your doctor. The meds that are out there aren't just happy pills like narcotics. They actually help to restore the balance of the chemicals. Some work for some people and some don't. It's pretty much a trial and error thing. Some of have been treated by general practitioners, some of us have had therapy and some of us see psychiatrists because they know much more about the meds than regular doctors do. Psychiatrists don't do much therapy anymore. They just stick to prescribing meds.

Glad you're here. It's your first step towards getting better.

Keep talking to us. Just knowing you aren't alone is a great help.




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Meachie]

Welcome!
I am new here too! I was just diagnosed with depression a couple weeks ago. I can say I felt a lot like you are describing. It was horrible. I am on my second week of paxil and it has really helped me. I am also going to a counselor. It was so difficult to take the steps to get the help I need and admit that I have a "mental" problem.

Hopefully you are seeking the help you need if not I hope you can find the strength to do so.

I hope you feel better soon!

Meachie

[(JD)]

welcome... and that is what hospitals are for: stablize while long range plans can be made. let us know.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[shakes]

I hope to have more insight for you when my brain is working better and when I have some sleep in me. However, I too just want to welcome you to the board. I hope you find this place helpful.

Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

[Wants2Fly]

Welcome, scared. There is lots of love and comfort for you here.