Well I finally slept more than a few hours. I'm finally more relaxed with the idea that I no longer have a man friend, that's how I'll say it. Friendly..... he is not at all.
I don't know what the future holds, but I know we need to do what we know everyday, our best, that's all.

[3rd rock]

I've been avoiding making a phone call since Monday. I have to make it by the end of the week. I'll make it tonight when I'm sure not to get a response and thus leave only a message, or tomorrow during the day.

Very down tonight. It's like I was built up in his mind just to bring me down. I know I have some big faults. He brought them all up again. I know that I'm not good enough anymore for anyone. I feel so very alone, yet there are people who'd be willing to help me but I don't know them, nor is it a good idea at all.
I have to stay with this man until I can figure out where to go. I feel like I'm suffocating but I know this is supposed to be natural to get over.
He does. Why was I born so sensitive? I want to be someone who can throw up their hands and say "I just don't care anymore, and I can do this on my own."
I've been through so much that not one single person could understand from my view.

I want to start writing a book. Get my own little space. Yet I love him even though he's not loving me anymore. I want out... I'm not talking about completely out of this life, but at times, I feel like it would be peace. Peace for others as well. I'm only hurting myself more by not getting over this.

Was very busy at work this morning because of putting things away in the auditorium. It took about two hours because there were a lot of tables and chairs to put away. Had a big group of 120 people in the last three days.

Very slow in the afternoon. That time period dragged and it seemed like there was no one at the place I work at. Moments like that make me think a lot about myself and I feel that it's not a good thing for me.

Went on a bike ride after work instead of working out. I had posted a thread about what had happened; that someone downstairs from me complained to the manager about hearing a lot of noise. I still feel very down about it.

[Deilla]

Not sure how I feel this morning. One minute I'm up and the next I'm down. I've very sensitive this morning. I think I will listen to some positive affirmations to start my day. Then do some yoga. I hope that helps me to have a good day.

[3rd rock]

Maybe if I change the formatting of my manuscripts so they look more professional, in terms of font choice and proper front-matter, that'll spur some sales. Probably not.

Just finished up with my typical Saturday morning ritual. Kind of sad that it's over. I feel like it's the best period of the whole week. I asked my friend if he wanted to come over. Did not hear anything back from him. I figured that would happen.

I knocked on the door of the neighbor below me. Her daughter answered the door but the woman I needed to talk to was not in. The daughter said to try tomorrow since she's gone all day. I hope we can resolve that issue.

[Fuzzybear]

Hugs to all

I had an okay morning, but a really bad rest of the day with bad chronic pain too

I'm just taking things one step at a time. Thinking of where I can work, where I can live, but I can't think too much right now. It is all overwhelming.

[isotrope010]

Thinking about those things overwhelms me too. Too much on my mind makes me depressed. I guess it's like having a sort of headache all the time, but no time recoup. Frequently unhappy with life in general.

one word: bad.

I made it to the shop this morning to get some new drinks, but that's it. I feel terrible and the trip to the shop agrivated my chronic pain anyway

[LittleEarthquakes]

Just stuck in my apartment as usual, afraid to interact with life.

Can't sleep, too much going on. He changed his mind, I knew he would, yet I don't believe he wants me anymore. I'm so mixed up. His parents mean a lot to me, and they are going to be moved. I just do what I can. My mouth wont stop talking lately.

I need to set a time now to just worry a bit and try to let go of whatever tomorrow brings, but it's nothing but anxiety when your "partner" is showing you that he doesn't really want you but acts differently at times.

Feeling very depressed today, probably the worst in a good while. It's all because of being told that I can't workout at my place. Maybe I'm just being silly about this but it meant a lot to me.

Took a bike ride today. It was pretty hot outside and I had a lot of domestic things to do, so the bike ride today was shorter than other Sundays when I go for longer rides than an hour.

Nothing much socially today. My sister called and we had a pretty good talk. I've noticed that she keeps repeating herself a lot. I'm pretty worried about that.

[3rd rock]

Appointment with new psychiatrist tomorrow. Nervous.

I have a headache today.

lots of shouting by people last night. ugg. if their's one thing I can't stand it's shouting at 2 A.M in the morning

nothing to do today either so guess it's going to be really depressing

[3rd rock]

I'm sitting in the waiting room at the psychiatrist's office sweating buckets. Is it normal to be this anxious? What if I say the wrong thing and then he gets the wrong idea about me and then that screws up everything?

I've had a long day, I did feel useful somewhat, so I'm thankful for that.

Very slow day at work which did not make it very nice for me. Felt very anxious and depressed today. Did the laundry after work. At least everything worked out well this time.

[3rd rock]

I don't know why I was nervous about seeing the new doctor. He's a very nice man.

feeling very disheartened. feeling the pull to self harm. just feel like im going under.

wishing I could just scrap today from the records.

ate a less than average breakfast, did nothing for the longest time- and in the afternoon watched a boring programme about police

my life sucks at the moment it really does

[Mountaindewed]

My depression has been horrible these past 2 days. I just feel so discouraged with my job and everything else. I’m hoping it’s just a small hiccup and not really really early SAD. I know I have been paying attention to how earlier it’s been getting dark at night and then how later it’s been getting light in the morning. So I don’t know.

[Blackened22]

Been applying to various jobs, making sure i get out of the house at least every other day, shower at least every other day, and communicate with friends throughout the day. So far so good!