[MatBell]

I sometimes get nervous that my brain has been “wired” for depression. That my brain has grown accustomed to this sadness I’ve felt for such a long time. So I fall back into it easier than other people. I’m scared I will never get out of it.
I feel it now. Nothing has happened in particular (just the usual things I worry about). Maybe it’s normal, I don’t know. Just a thought.

Hello MatBell. I am so sorry that you are struggling with depression. I live with it too. You may have been born with a predisposition to experience depression. I was...genetic factors from both parents and raised in dysfunctional family in a very pessimistic place. And yes, frequent negative thoughts increase the likelihood of more negative thoughts thus depression often feels like a cycle. However, there is GOOD news!

You can re-program your brain to notice and focus more on positives. You can make a practice of flipping negative thoughts which also becomes habit and increases the likelihood of more positive thoughts! That's what I work on. There is a lot of research out there on positive psychology and how to actively work on building or improving "happiness skills."

Here are a few ideas for you:

- have you tried therapy? It has really helped me.
- guided meditation (see YouTube videos) on positive thinking, peace, joy etc
- Netflix documentary called 'Happy' which breaks down the research and gives practical steps for everyone to increase their own happiness level
- 52 Lists for Happiness weekly journal (check it out online...mine really helps me to feel happier each day)
- consider the mind-body connection: how's your physical health? Sleep, nutrition etc
- practice gratitude each day: one study suggested that individuals who take time to write down 5 things for which they are grateful for each day (big or small) can increase their happiness level over time by ~ 25%
- before sleep, write down 3 positives about yourself and read the list first thing in the morning before you even get out of bed...keep adding to the list and re-reading to retrain your brain to focus on positive thoughts.

These are all strategies I use. I find that they really help.

Wishing you a peaceful present and a bright future!

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211

Hello MatBell. I am so sorry that you are struggling with depression. I live with it too. You may have been born with a predisposition to experience depression. I was...genetic factors from both parents and raised in dysfunctional family in a very pessimistic place. And yes, frequent negative thoughts increase the likelihood of more negative thoughts thus depression often feels like a cycle. However, there is GOOD news!

You can re-program your brain to notice and focus more on positives. You can make a practice of flipping negative thoughts which also becomes habit and increases the likelihood of more positive thoughts! That's what I work on. There is a lot of research out there on positive psychology and how to actively work on building or improving "happiness skills."

Here are a few ideas for you:

- have you tried therapy? It has really helped me.
- guided meditation (see YouTube videos) on positive thinking, peace, joy etc
- Netflix documentary called 'Happy' which breaks down the research and gives practical steps for everyone to increase their own happiness level
- 52 Lists for Happiness weekly journal (check it out online...mine really helps me to feel happier each day)
- consider the mind-body connection: how's your physical health? Sleep, nutrition etc
- practice gratitude each day: one study suggested that individuals who take time to write down 5 things for which they are grateful for each day (big or small) can increase their happiness level over time by ~ 25%
- before sleep, write down 3 positives about yourself and read the list first thing in the morning before you even get out of bed...keep adding to the list and re-reading to retrain your brain to focus on positive thoughts.

These are all strategies I use. I find that they really help.

Wishing you a peaceful present and a bright future!

Thanks for the ideas. I haven't tried making lists of things I'm grateful for.
I've tried most other, and also seeing a therapist.
I think loneliness has a lot to do with it also. Not having people to talk to about your problems. And that is really hard to get out of. I've been like that for a long time, pushing people away because I don't want them to get too close. And when I'm depressed I isolate even before, don't pick up the phone and so on.
Hope you're doing okay too

Originally Posted by MatBell

Thanks for the ideas. I haven't tried making lists of things I'm grateful for.
I've tried most other, and also seeing a therapist.
I think loneliness has a lot to do with it also. Not having people to talk to about your problems. And that is really hard to get out of. I've been like that for a long time, pushing people away because I don't want them to get too close. And when I'm depressed I isolate even before, don't pick up the phone and so on.
Hope you're doing okay too

I understand very much! I often feel lonely. It is a feeling which has persisted throughout my life. There seems to be a strong link between loneliness and depression. I read some research suggesting that belonging to a group (doesn't matter what group, or how big, just a group of significant meaning to the individual) can prevent depression or even help to reduce relapses in folks who've already had depressive episodes.

So, I'll tell you I have not yet found MY group. I wish I had. But, like yourself, sometimes I just isolate. I've even been called out by a couple of friends for canceling plans last minute. I would never want to be rude; I was depressed and wanted to stay home alone. But they didn't know that and I didn't trust them enough to confide about my depression and so the ol' cycle goes! There's always hope for the future though. That's why I call myself "Hopefully Lost." Not that I'm hoping to be lost but that I'm lost and still hopeful if that makes sense. Sounds ridiculous when I break it down like that. Hahaha. Feel free to laugh at my silly profile name! Laughter is a tonic! Be well, Matbell

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting, MatBell Genetics and chemical imbalance may play a part in your depression, but I don't think that means you're stuck with depression forever. Things can always get better. Please don't give up. Do you think this may be the depression talking? Making you believe that things will never improve. That's very common, but that doesn't mean that it's true. And yes, loneliness doesn't help either, and I'm sorry you don't have a support system IRL. I hope writing here can help a bit. I know it's not the same thing, but at least it's something. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always available to talk to you, if you need to. Remember that we're here to support you. You can do this! You're very strong! Sending many hugs to you

[IrisBloom]

"Normals" have ups and downs too. Where it becomes a problem is when you can't get out of the low spot. Remember recovery is not necessarily feeling great, it's more about finding a level you're comfortable with. Don't know if you're on meds, but some of us need them to feel less depression. I am not a pusher or think they are for everyone but some us couldn't survive without them.

As for causes of depression, there are many factors. In my case I was either born this way or a childhood head injury or just a crappy life growing up.

I hope you find what will help you improve your life. Most of all be patient with yourself and don't let lack of progress get you down.

[sarahsweets]

I think to some extent wiring has a lot to do with mental health issues like depression. i also think environment plays into it-the whole nature vs nurture idea. i do not think it dooms us to feel like **** forever though. I think taking an active role in your recovery can be a good thing. To me that means: therapy and sticking with it even if its uncomfortable. Medication and proper medication management by a knowledgable doctor. The willingness to leave your comfort zone even if it feels bad. Just because certain things feel uncomfortable doesnt mean we shouldnt do-or try to do them. I went through a bad period of agoraphobia after a traumatic event. My therapist had me read up on exposure therapy and I tried it. Exposure therapy does not work with every issue or phobia but for me it helped. I was afraid to leave the house or drive unless my husband took me somewhere. So I started by walking to the mailbox to get the mail and back for a week. Then the corner and then around the block. Same with driving. I started by driving to the corner and back, then only around my neighborhood, then to the store, then locally only and eventually I became the person I used to be and I had overcome it. YMMV though.

[T4bbyCat]

Originally Posted by MatBell

I sometimes get nervous that my brain has been “wired” for depression. That my brain has grown accustomed to this sadness

Same here, except maybe genetics predisposed me to it. No one ever talked about or brought it up, as depression was a "weakness" to be fought. But in retrospect, it was there.

Not to pry, but do you or anyone else see it running in the family, maybe on just one parent's side?

[MatBell]

Don’t know what to do....

[MatBell]

Why can’t I just live normally

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry MatBell Can we do anything to help? Please don't give up. Things can get better. Life is unpredictable. Sending many hugs to you

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry MatBell Can we do anything to help? Please don't give up. Things can get better. Life is unpredictable. Sending many hugs to you

Thanks Mickey. I’m now at the gym, that sometimes can make me feel better. I hope so.

[MickeyCheeky]

Good to hear, MatBell! Working out can definitely improve our mental state. I'm glad that you're trying to do something to help yourself. Be proud of yourself! And remember that you're loved here. Sending many hugs to you

[Mopey]

Hello Mat,

I've been wondering how you've been doing. And I'm not sure there is such a thing as "living normally". There are many excellent suggestions above, and I'm going to add my 2 cents.

First of all, "just the normal things you worry about" might bear some exploration. Worrying constantly is not pleasant. And not that you have to post them here, but - what are they? There are posters who have offered to let you PM them if you want to talk, so you are not actually without people to talk to. Why not give it a try with them? Get more specific?

Also, there is no question there is a cognitive and perhaps genetic element to depression, but neither condemns you to a living hell on earth. Especially the cognitive stuff, like looking for a positive or 2 about your life, your self, something you're grateful for, can be uplifting. And I would add not to overwhelm yourself - just try a baby step. See how it feels.

Many hugs - I'm wishing you well.

[Mopey]

And I'm going to add to that that my first experience with feeling good came a couple of weeks after I started with Prozac. I was walking around a shopping center with my husband, and all of a sudden I realized, "Something's wrong!" What was wrong was that for once I was not depressed. I never knew how it felt before. And once I started analyzing how Prozac worked I realized that for some reason it had started to block the negative thoughts that were constantly in my brain, beating me down, telling me I was worthless.

It used to be that I would have i or 2 lucid seconds after I woke up in the morning, before the downward spiral of thoughts began, where I would feel OK. Then once the self-hating,
self-critical thoughts kicked in I was a goner for the rest of the day. Wonder if that might be a factor for you.

And no question -- sometimes exercise can help. Gets you focussing on something other than the negative thoughts.

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Good to hear, MatBell! Working out can definitely improve our mental state. I'm glad that you're trying to do something to help yourself. Be proud of yourself! And remember that you're loved here. Sending many hugs to you

Yes it did help to distract myself. Working out is what works best for me I think. I just wish I could be more "stable" without it, you know?
Sometimes I feel I post too much here, that people get tired of it. But it's good to get the support from you, it really helps

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by Mopey

And I'm going to add to that that my first experience with feeling good came a couple of weeks after I started with Prozac. I was walking around a shopping center with my husband, and all of a sudden I realized, "Something's wrong!" What was wrong was that for once I was not depressed. I never knew how it felt before. And once I started analyzing how Prozac worked I realized that for some reason it had started to block the negative thoughts that were constantly in my brain, beating me down, telling me I was worthless.

It used to be that I would have i or 2 lucid seconds after I woke up in the morning, before the downward spiral of thoughts began, where I would feel OK. Then once the self-hating,
self-critical thoughts kicked in I was a goner for the rest of the day. Wonder if that might be a factor for you.

And no question -- sometimes exercise can help. Gets you focussing on something other than the negative thoughts.

Yes I'm on Effexor, have never tried Prozac. Like you said, one morning I just felt they started working and I didn't have the depression/anxiety. So I think they help me too even though I hope to come off them at some point.
When I had it worst the mornings were the worst for me. Waking very early and having terrible anxiety. Now it comes and goes, not always sure why. Then I get so desperate and don't know what to do. It's overwhelming.

Yesterday I was at a job coach for the first time. One of the questions she asked was "When do you feel at your best, when you feel life is amazing". I really had a hard time answering it. She doesn't know about my struggles, so I just ended up saying things like "working out, reading..."

About living more "normally". I just look at other people my age and compare myself to them (even though I don't know them). Also to my sister who has it more together on the outside. I know there are all kinds of people in the world living in all kinds of ways and they have struggles and doubts too. I think I just have a hard time accepting myself and my situation. I hope it's not forever.

Hope you're doing okay.

[roske1]

Originally Posted by MatBell

Yes it did help to distract myself. Working out is what works best for me I think. I just wish I could be more "stable" without it, you know?
Sometimes I feel I post too much here, that people get tired of it. But it's good to get the support from you, it really helps

Mat, I used to drive myself crazy wishing I didn't need the things that I did. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to worry about that. Everyone, even people without mental illness, need things to keep them stable. The fact that you might need more because you have this condition is totally fine. Try to accept yourself for who you are, to love yourself for all of the good that I'm sure is in you. It took me a long time to be able to accept my illness.

As for posting too much, I'm new to this forum, but I'm guessing there is a huge range to the number of posts for each member. It doesn't matter. The fact that you are getting replies from us shows that you are not posting too much. We are all here for each other.

[Mopey]

Thanks Mat - I am doing okay although struggling a bit with depression myself this morning. I'm trying to use a Buddhist technique right now where I try not to think, per se, just feel. With the bad feelings they say, try not to fight against them, but try not to engage them either. Just allow them to be while you sit with them for awhile.

Other than that I'm just staring listlessly at my desk, trying to identify a starting point for the ongoing organizing process.

Glad the workout helped. There you have one genuine anti-depressive technique you can use, and I'd say don't worry so much about trying to feel OK without the workouts. You've found one thing that can work - work it!

Best....