Burned out and depressed.

My bf is very sick in the VA hospital. I just came home to sleep, after being there all night. I'm awfully afraid I might lose him. Suddenly the thought of him being gone from me seems so awful . . . more awful than I ever expected it to feel.

For all my complaining, he had one great quality: he loved me. He loved being with me. I stalled getting to the hospital yesterday because I thought he was on the mend. He spent the day waiting for me. Then I got there and he was in delirium. I held his hand all night.

I'm home and scared something could happen while I 'm not with him. But I have to sleep. Please, God, don't take him while I'm not there. I want him to feel my love at the end.

May it be.

How are you Rose? I think of you often.

Since Thurs. I've been sick with cold symptoms. I get feeling better, but next day I feel crappy again. So I've left my s.o. longer in the n. home because I can barely take care of myself. Tomorrow I'll bring him home for sure.

I feel weak and tired. My head feels stuffed. Even my eyeballs hurt.

How are you doing, @Rose76, my dear, sweet, kind, AWESOME and WONDERFUL Friend? It's been a while! I hope things are going at least a bit better for you and for your Boyfriend. Keep us posted if you can and if you want to! We ALL Love You!

He is at home. We're okay. His health continues to go downhill, but gradually. He is weak in the legs and has a hard time standing, so we have a struggle getting him from point A to point B. But we manage. We have a new home attendant, who I think will be a good help to us. I'm making goid progress getting the apratment fixed up nice for Christmas. Tiday I decorate the tree. He will enjoy watching me do that, and he'll make suggestions. I've been in good shape mentally . . . feeling pretty chipper.

Thanks Mickey for your kind words and interest. All in all, I'm pretty content at the moment. I just love the Christmas season. I always feel lifted up this time of the year. Driving after dark, I just love seeing houses decorated with lights. I have to figure out what my bf and I can do together that he will enjoy. He doesn't have much energy, but I can't just let him sleep in his recliner all day. It's a challenge to try and interest him in doing something.

I send Holiday Greetings and goid wishes to all who have followed my threads and given me so much needed support.

(((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))

My bf says he feels okay but something is wrong. I had to turn his oxygen up to 8 liters/minute. That's a lot! We should be over at the ER. If it weren't 2 days ti Christmas, I'ld force him. But he says he has no pain and feels okay and absolutely does not want to go to the hospital. I'm going along with him because I'm afraid it will be too emotionally devastating for him to be dragged from home tonight. He was admitted 4 or 5 times in 2019, plus a couple other trips to the ER. He's a dying man. I know that. He knows that. There comes a point where treatment becomes worse than the disease. I'm not sure we're there yet. He seems to think he is. I have to give some weight to his perception and to his preferences.

His cough sounds awful. But he seems content here at home. So, maybe, this is where he needs to stay.

God bless you both

Strength to you both at this time.

Hang in there Rose. I thought about you the other day as I haven’t seen your posts for a long time. Hugs Bd merry Christmas

We did come to the hospital. He is admitted. I'll stay here with him. He seems to be doing fairly okay. He is in good spirits and seems to feel safe. One doctor was mean though. I told her she seemed annoyed. We've bumped into her before. Always she is brusque and rude. But he is getting appropriate care, which is the main thing.

Sending you support and prayers and love from the cyclist.

had thought this VA hospital was pretty good. But right now I hate the place. Some people here are good, even very good. But some will do as half butted a job as they can get away with. Been here since the afternoon of Christmas eve. I don't dare leave for fear of my bf lying here ignored and neglected.

I came home after midnight and slept. My bf just called me and sounds very good. I have to get back over there. I don't think he has a lot of time left, but with a good nurse's aid I was able to get him to the bathroom last night, and he was able to stand. She was a great help and so interested in being helpful. Someone like that is a huge blessing when they are so needed and try so hard to do what is needed.

I can just about walk on my left foot with Achilles tendonitis. That got aggravated by lifting my bf up from sitting to standing. When the pain pill kicks in I'll get up and going.

I think he might rally enough to be able to come home.

Called an ambulance Wed. morning. He was in respiratory failure. The ER did a good job reversing that. He got discharged Fri.

I don't think he will live much longer.

Strength to you and your friend.

Prayers and support to you and your friend.

Sending you love and strength and peace dear Rose

Thank you for thinking of us.

We're back in the hospital - in MICU. But we had some good days from Jan. 17 to Monday. I don't know if he'll make it home again. But I think he's more comfortable here than he was at home yesterday, Tuesday morning. His coughing was terrible. That's been eased. At home he was hallucinating too. Maybe tomorrow he will be a little better for awhile.

I'm still in the hospital with him. I've gotten very depressed. He's in isolation in the oncology unit. I'm getting very depressed.

This feeling will go away. It always does. I can either take him home or let him go to a facility. That could be temporary.

This is starting to feel like a nightmare.

Why would the facility be temporary- and why is he in isolation?

In isolation for being a carrier of MRSA.

Might be in facility just until I can arrange to have assistants scheduled to help me move him around at home.

Hmm - have you explained at all how much this is wearing you down? If so - what was the response?

Yes. They've offered to arrange his placement in a nursing home. But I have him home now. I'm coping.