[Shaymus]

Ive always had a strange thought process and wonder if anyone else has this as well. For example when i was younger i would always want to ride my dads riding lawn mower cause it looked fun and he said i could. The thing at always stopped me was cause i was afraid the neighbors would think "Hey look they actually got that lazy bastard to do something,,,haha". Or i could stand to lose a few pounds so sometimes i try and as soon as someone notices and says something my first thought is how i can put it back on cause damn i wouldnt want them to think "Holy crap that loser is actually trying to better himself,what a joke". Things like this,now i realize this isnt right but i cant really change how my brain thinks. Does anyone else get these types of feelings? Is this the depression or social anxiety causing this?

[dexter]

I have feelings that I think are similar to what you are trying to describe. I'm very very self conscious. Even stupid stuff like if I'm walking down the block and realized I forgot something, or that I passed my stop... I won't turn around, I'll just keep walking because I worry about what other people will think i am turning around for.

It is stupid. First of all I doubt anyone is paying attention... I do this even if there are no other people around (someone may see me out their window!) and even if they were paying attention, what could they possibly think that would be harmful? "Hey that guy turned around. HEY THERE'S A HOTDOG STAND!" like they'd forget it in a split second. And even if they did think something harmful, what difference would that make to me?

But it doesn't stop me from being extremely self conscious and prevents me from doing things that are far more important than just turning around on the street. Part of it is I think because I analyse things way too much, and in way too much detail. I've been trying to work on that with my T with some good results... I can stop myself when I recognize my mind working overtime on analyzing behaviour, people's thoughts, the future... etc. Hopefully in time it will ease my self conscious nature as well.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[(JD)]

Hi. Wow. You CAN change how your brain thinks, though. I have a great book Your body believes every word you say. And it is truly how your mind works (kinda the brain for dummies) and how what we think and the way we think CHANGES everything!

The physicists are proving that also with quantum physics and quantum mechanics...

so you can begin right now by beginningto think that, yes, at least sometime... you will change... you can change... when you're ready you can and will or words to that effect!

But low self-esteem is what it sounds like you are describing. It's caused by poor parenting ... from gee, ppl who don't parent well?

But you can be better now.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[cleomaru]

maybe you're afraid of getting better, you're afraid of having to do things you don't know how to do, it's really common actually

"don't kick the puppy" ~ j.e.p.