[NotDeadYet]

Next month is my birthday, well its actually in 11 days by now, and I hate it. I dont want to have lived another year and the closer I get the more **** I feel. Lifes kinda been sucking up to this point and I feel like I've kinda reached a new low. I dont think theres a point in living and Im just painfully lonely and sad. Im an overall boring person that just drives everyone away.

I really want to die before my birthday but I know Im too much of a ***** ***** to do such a thing. I have an idea of what I wanna do but I know I can never bring myself to actually have enough balls to finally end it. I fear like Im a waste of everyones time and that I'll just never get better so whats the point? I feel like I cant talk to anyone without dragging them down. Heck, no one irl knows Im suicidal since I pretty much just fake being fine all the time or never tell anyone else about my feelings.

I dont know what point Im trying to make here I just feel like ****.

[mountainstream]

[Humpty Dumpty]

You sound a lot like me. I didn't want to make it to my 35th but that was nearly 4 years ago. I have been so close so many times but in the end I am too much of a coward. Everyone around me thinks everything is great. No one knows how much I actually hurt. The worst day of my life was when I woke up from surgery. I wanted more than anything to die on the table.
You're not alone

[Thirty shades]

NotDeadYet

[Fuzzybear]

hugs

[NotDeadYet]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

You sound a lot like me. I didn't want to make it to my 35th but that was nearly 4 years ago. I have been so close so many times but in the end I am too much of a coward. Everyone around me thinks everything is great. No one knows how much I actually hurt. The worst day of my life was when I woke up from surgery. I wanted more than anything to die on the table.
You're not alone

RIght now Im just carrying stuff around to end it just in case I actually get the balls to do so. But I cant help but think about all the ways I could just die at work (especially with all the heavy machinery we have) Heck someone at the table we sit at said they thought I had depression but even my mom blew that off and just said it was my personality lol Hiding is just easier then worrying people.

[zapatoes]

Originally Posted by NotDeadYet

RIght now Im just carrying stuff around to end it just in case I actually get the balls to do so. But I cant help but think about all the ways I could just die at work (especially with all the heavy machinery we have) Heck someone at the table we sit at said they thought I had depression but even my mom blew that off and just said it was my personality lol Hiding is just easier then worrying people.

Please take care of yourself and seek mental health treatment and consider how much it will impact and hurt your family and friends. Hope things get much better soon.

[Humpty Dumpty]

I hope one day you can find a resolution to this. Whether it is seeking good help or going the opposite direction. I sincerely hope that you can find a resolution.

[Fuzzybear]

[Catrionn]

Hey, I go into that place too, sometimes. I don’t think I would actually do it - I just wish it would happen. I know you’re hurting.