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  #1  
Old Apr 13, 2020, 06:04 PM
Blank Canvas Blank Canvas is offline
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Hi everyone, I hope everything goes well for all of you in this coronavirus period.
Sorry for the long post, but I kinda needed to write down my troubles on paper. It helps a bit.

As for me, I've been suffering from depression for quite a while. Like many things, this is something you can live with for a long period of time. Depression and self-loathing are almost like a familiar friend.

Due to that depression, I slowly isolated myself from the others so being confined is...pretty normal for me. I was mostly doing that before, rarely getting outside apart to go to school.

However, it has been quite a long time since I had any dreams (what I want to do, etc), any ambitions and thus any motivation.
So, all I tend to do is to stay on the chair, in front of the computer. Getting, maybe not more depressed but certainly not less depressed.

There are things that need to be done, and I will certainly do those things at the last minute when I will be backed against the wall.
I always did so, it does give me a boost, but I am not living my life, it's my life forcing me to move.
That's no way to be happy. I don't think I have been in a long time.

And well, not having any desires for myself is kind of a problem.
The only thing I managed to more or less find any motivation for is self-studying Japanese. (And it took me years to find said motivation!)

Unfortunately, I don't have any clue on how to get those desires (and thus the motivation) back.
I'm sure I once had them, but I can't recall. In a perverse way, a part of me is fine the way I am.
Alone, in front of my computer, looking as life passes me by.

In short, I am a calm mess with no desire and motivation, and I would like to change yet I fail every day and I feel bad about it.
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Skeezyks

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  #2  
Old Apr 14, 2020, 01:53 PM
BeautyBombshell88 BeautyBombshell88 is offline
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I feel like this a lot and can relate immensely. thought i was the only one.
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  #3  
Old Apr 14, 2020, 07:18 PM
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Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
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Thanks for sharing your circumstances. Where I live we're under what is being called a "Stay Home" order. It doesn't really impact me much. I mostly stay at home anyway. I hope you find a way to make the changes you'd like to see in your life.
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  #4  
Old Apr 14, 2020, 07:35 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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I also hope you find a way to make the changes you would like in your life
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  #5  
Old Apr 14, 2020, 08:24 PM
Hi IM Dan Hi IM Dan is offline
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sometimes I call my brother, and recently an old friend reached out to me.

But sometimes they manage to get a giggle out of me maybe even a laugh, and for a second I am whole.

We need to seriously rethink what life is and what we press on others. You should never feel the way you do watching life pass you by.
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alexro7, Blank Canvas
  #6  
Old Apr 15, 2020, 07:26 PM
Blank Canvas Blank Canvas is offline
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Thanks for the responses. It always helps a bit. I will follow yhe advice and try to contact old friends and see how their lifes going.

Anyway, I'm trying to do something productive (gardening, seeking a job,...) every day instead of nothing, but it's not a resounding success. Though, I did manage to do some gardening today.
There's just the same "in 5 minutes I'm going to do X", but I rarely do, and I feel bad for the rest of the day.
Do you have any tip to avoid that?
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  #7  
Old Apr 15, 2020, 10:12 PM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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Hello, Blank Canvas.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blank Canvas View Post
There's just the same "in 5 minutes I'm going to do X", but I rarely do, and I feel bad for the rest of the day.
Do you have any tip to avoid that?
I'm a low-energy individual who accomplishes little. I find I can do some things by "surfing" brief, erratic waves of relatively greater energy whenever they come.
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  #8  
Old Apr 16, 2020, 03:37 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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I think that something that might help is trying not to berate self for not ''achieving'' what a perceived ''normal'' person might ''achieve''.... the likely result of that would be a lowered mood, higher anxiety etc.... lowered motivation etc..

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  #9  
Old Apr 16, 2020, 08:09 PM
TheSweetestTaboo TheSweetestTaboo is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2020
Location: Christchurch
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Don't count on motivation to do anything, make things a habit.


Even if it was 5 minutes a day of learning Japanese.


Overtime you will be able to build this up, and then have the natural want to look after yourself more, try new hobbies etc.


It really comes down to forcing yourself through habit, even if you lack all motivation.
Thanks for this!
Blank Canvas, zapatoes
  #10  
Old Apr 16, 2020, 09:58 PM
Hi IM Dan Hi IM Dan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blank Canvas View Post
Thanks for the responses. It always helps a bit. I will follow yhe advice and try to contact old friends and see how their lifes going.
I didn't say that. Careful we don't know your circumstances. Sounds like a rocky road, not sure I would proceed that way.
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  #11  
Old Apr 17, 2020, 09:05 AM
peacelizard peacelizard is offline
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For me, I'm not sure what role depression and social anxiety each play in my predicament, but you're definitely not alone.

That doesn't mean it's all that will ever happen ... for either of us. Every day is a new chance.
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  #12  
Old Apr 17, 2020, 04:47 PM
Blank Canvas Blank Canvas is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2020
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Indeed, that's why we're here. To overcome our problems and live our lives as we wish it to.

I do like the suggestion of making a habit, I'm currently trying to do so but I tend to...Well, give up at some point.
With Apps, I can do a bit of japanese everyday, but otherwise, It's easy to get tempted in not doing it after a week.
But yeah, I think I will try to sleep earlier and wake up earlier too. (I tried to but got tempted in giving it up, sigh).

I think my sleep habit is worsening my depression anyway so it can only be beneficial.
As always, thanks for your kind words everyone.
Hugs from:
zapatoes
  #13  
Old Apr 20, 2020, 12:08 AM
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zapatoes zapatoes is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blank Canvas View Post
Thanks for the responses. It always helps a bit. I will follow yhe advice and try to contact old friends and see how their lifes going.

Anyway, I'm trying to do something productive (gardening, seeking a job,...) every day instead of nothing, but it's not a resounding success. Though, I did manage to do some gardening today.
There's just the same "in 5 minutes I'm going to do X", but I rarely do, and I feel bad for the rest of the day.
Do you have any tip to avoid that?
Keep trying and set a few small goals daily. Can really understand about poor motivation with feeling isolated and depressed not helping. This weekend I made a goal of studying at least one hour Saturday and one hour Sunday for my registration exam. Saturday I decided ok I want to do this for at least an hour and set a timer, and ended working 2.5 hours so didn’t study today, kind of wished I would’ve though. My point is it can feel difficult just getting started on a task or goal and once get started on a task or goal it can often lead to feeling energized to just get started and continue on.
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Blank Canvas
Thanks for this!
Blank Canvas
  #14  
Old Apr 20, 2020, 06:58 AM
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continuosly blue continuosly blue is offline
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Depression makes “ motivation “ very difficult. Every little thing I have to do is a struggle. You say you sit in front of your computer screen......doing what ? Working ? Or just whatever. That’s something. You say your learning Japanese ?
Hell ...... I could never come close to doing that. You may be more motivated than you think.
BTW : desire = wishful thinking ( for me )
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*Disclaimer * Anything I have posted is strictly my own personal opinion or experience , and is in no way, shape, or form
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Thanks for this!
Blank Canvas
  #15  
Old Apr 20, 2020, 01:15 PM
Blank Canvas Blank Canvas is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2020
Location: France
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Thanks Zapatoes, I do try to do the same (though, I failed to do any gardening today. I want outside for a bit but doing gardening was too much for me.)

Well, what I truly mean by desire is "what do I want to do now or in the future?". Most of the time the answer is either blank or nothing, which isn't really good. I could forget to eat because it's too bothersome to cook.

Heck, seeking a job is pretty hard because, well, I'm not interested in anything so the jobs on the market don't interest me. And that lack of motivation and goals don't really cut it during the interview/meeting session. (And it seems that I can't be energetic enough to convince people.)

I have a tad bit more motivation than in the past but that's really not saying much.
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