Usual Saturday for me. I felt like I worked very hard with domestic stuff this morning. I'm still not used to the new routine - of shopping in the early morning. I used to go to the bank and then go shopping around 12:30 or 1 PM. I miss all of that. And I miss the way things were before this crisis (lockdown) happened.

And now I feel letdown and depressed.

[puzzclar]

I'm very concerned. I got the new med but I don't know how to get t to address the issue. The issue is I want to start the new med when safety measures are in place. Ie having my dad around. I'm indecisive about calling crisis number to be able to have clear direction on how to stop the other med. Pdoc hinted about doing a couple of days of decreased dose or stopping all together.

And my anxiety is mounting. I'm anxious about this change. I've had too many switches before gone wrong. I don't want to switch but I know the consequences of infertility.

I should just call. And end the anxiety that way. But at the same time I am balancing everything. I don't want to take more time off.

[Deilla]

I'm feeling excited and maybe a bit anxious. I found a new park I want to visit. Just nervous about getting out there. I'm sort of familiar with the area. So that helps. I'm trying to get out more.

[Breaking Dawn]

I've been doing a few things that I had put off, which feels encouraging. Crossing my fingers to continue this.

Was busy this morning with laundry and some small shopping. My sister called and it went OK. She still hopes that I will move to where she is. Took a 2 and hour bike ride this afternoon. A place where I like to ride in is still closed. It's nice to see restaurants that have opened up for the first time in a while.

I don't have any plans for tonight. I don't have to work tomorrow. Last night I saw a documentary that was well done but the subject matter was upsetting. I don't have any idea of a movie that I would like to see tonight if I want to watch one.

I've got to make a change. I want to be a kinder person, but where I am and facing what I am it's difficult to feel anything but anxiety and hopeless. I want to feel like I did something good in my life. I feel like I wasted my life and there's no more chances. Depressed.

[Deilla]

I feel pretty good today. I want to get out again. Maybe wash my car today and go to the park.

[Yzen]

I can't seem to live my life the way I want to -- which is one source of my sadness. What I do and who I am seems disconnected.

[MissUdy]

I had a big meltdown yesterday and feel extra empty today. My throat hurts from screaming and the palms of my hands are bruised from hitting the floor. I wanted to run away but the person I live with dragged me back inside when I went to my car, and that only made me worse. I haven’t slept and I can’t dream and I can’t feel. I don’t know what to do.

[MimiBhaduri0]

Originally Posted by MissUdy

I had a big meltdown yesterday and feel extra empty today. My throat hurts from screaming and the palms of my hands are bruised from hitting the floor. I wanted to run away but the person I live with dragged me back inside when I went to my car, and that only made me worse. I haven’t slept and I can’t dream and I can’t feel. I don’t know what to do.

Can you call the police?

[MissUdy]

Im not locked in or anything, he just didn’t want me to drive anywhere the way I was. Thanks though.

Another busy morning. I thought that I was going to relax on this long weekend for me! Early this morning, around 3AM, I had lower abdominal cramps. I've had it before. It was an urge to go to the bathroom. It lasted only a few minutes, but I woke up around 6AM and went to the bathroom. So much came out. It ruined it for me to sleep in. Sorry to be graphic here.

After breakfast I went to a department store to return a new CD player I purchased. Last Saturday my old CD player just didn't work and I didn't know why. And then after I had purchased the new CD player yesterday I tested out the old CD player and it worked! It was so weird that just that one time it didn't work.

After the store I went to visit my friend. I stayed for an hour. He wanted me to stay longer, but I felt like I had other things to do. After leaving I gassed up and got my car washed at the same place. The car looks nice now. It hadn't been washing in quite a while.

[Breaking Dawn]

Doing ok.

[Buffy01]

I been feeling really down and depressed today.

[puzzclar]

I'm down because of how crappy I feel physically. I'm scared to call in for the daily check in with t. I am scared because I don't want to go into the hospital. I'm trying to change my thoughts. And being scared and anxious doesn't help.

[Sunflower123]

I’ve had depression for two days now. It’s painful and I hope it goes away soon.

Hugs to all.

[3rd rock]

I've taken to blogging on my website, in the hope that it will draw more traffic to my website, and thus sales of my books. We'll see.

I called in sick to work today, and I'm using the day to work on my current book instead.

[Buffy01]

I feel really down and hurt today. People at home had really hurt my feelings today.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

I'm down because of how crappy I feel physically. I'm scared to call in for the daily check in with t. I am scared because I don't want to go into the hospital. I'm trying to change my thoughts. And being scared and anxious doesn't help.

I'm sorry to hear that you are scared. I do understand how you feel.

[puzzclar]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I'm sorry to hear that you are scared. I do understand how you feel.

Me too. I hope today ends soon. I haven't done much and that bugs me. I feel like I'm coming down with something but most likely it's the med changes. And I keep thinking are meds really worth taking??

[Yzen]

I don't know why I don't feel I belong anywhere. Not work, family, community...

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm the same way, @Yzen. Could it be a form of dissociation?

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

I'm the same way, @Yzen. Could it be a form of dissociation?

Maybe. I hadn't thought about that.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m a bit down in the dumps right now. Most of the day was fine.

[3rd rock]

I was in the middle of a meeting at work today and I started feeling sad. I was sad the rest of the day. I'm still sad. It's a painful kind of sadness.