Upset, Angry, Mad, Frustrated --- Oh, Just Pick One

With my blood pressure 170/103 and pulse at 107, sorry this is so long but I need to vent..

“Treatment Impossible” depression is bad enough. Now add memory loss and I don’t mean the 1 or 2 year variety. How about half a lifetime, is that long enough?

The kicker came yesterday at my pdoc visit. I asked how long he had been treating me. After giving me the answer, he looks at me, get a puzzled look on his face....“you really don’t remember any of this do you?” I wonder what gave him the first clue, the blank dumb look on my face. Ya think?

Then there are the catch phrases from family, friends and professionals. "Just move on.” “You get to start over.” “You have a clean slate and can do anything you want to do.”

Let me tell you about starting over. You walk through the door of your house in a town you have lived in for 20 years and…..

**You can’t find the toilet paper, toothpaste or shampoo.

**You have to tape lists to the front of every cabinet and drawer in you house so you can find dinner plates, flatware, canned goods or underwear.

**You don’t know how to use a cell phone or turn on a computer. You don’t know which buttons on the remote turn on the TV and there are 3 remotes next to the TV.

**Sit down at a keyboard and can’t find any of the letters. (I’ve decided to surgically remove the caps lock key. It seems to be the only one I hit consistently.)

**Have no idea how to spell common words (water, elephant, banana). No idea whether, weather to, two, too use where, wear, or ware.

**Someone gives you directions "Go down to Congress, turn left, then turn right at the parking lot next to Pier One" and walks away. You have no idea how to get to Congress and what in H is Pier One.

Having fun yet?

How do you set goals or look forward when you have no idea who you are or what the options are. Yes I know I’m froggy, a frog of little brain but that’s not what I mean.

I have absolutely no idea who I am. What books do I like, what hobbies, music, movies. Do I like to take walks on the beach or hike to the mountain top. I can't remember experiencing either one. How do I know?

“Baby steps” that’s another beauty. With the current life expectancy and my rate of learning I might make make 8th grade equivalency before I die. What a future.

(((((((((kebsfroggy))))))))) good vent.....

Growl at people who don't get it

((((((((((((((( froggy )))))))))))))))

That is terrible!

Really sounds your pdoc doesn't pay enough attention to your condition. Can imagine having a broken leg and the doc saying "Oh, it hurts? REALLY?".

As for the wise idiots, why those who don't know can't just shut the F up?

(((((((( froggy ))))))))

Wish I could write like you, wish I could write with wit like you, wish I could vent like you, sorry this probably doesn't help.

Thinking of you friend (((((((((((( kebsfroggy )))))))))))))

They <font color="blue">blew</font> it with you,
Ka<font color="blue">bloo</font>ie!
I'm <font color="blue">blue</font> with you too,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Know that I care very much.

Thank you all very much. It means a lot to know you care.

Blood pressure down to 147/77 and pulse down to 77.

No academy award but the venting must have helped.

That or the seroquel and ambien are kicking in. If that's the case, I am not responsible for any words that cross these lips.

(((Keb)))

Clyde loves you...I would type more, but some Frog stole my keys on my keyboard...

She also taped my mouth shut and wrote on it "Blabbermouth."



Sweetie, we will try to see what we can do...

I think you deserve an Academy Award, but the strikers are out now, and I dont know if they would let me get one for now...

Frogs have lips? (((((((kebs))))))

(((((((((((Kebs))))))))))

(((((((((kebby)))))))))))))

ALWAYS thinking of you, smiling and thinking YOU ARE GREAT....

i wish i could do something for you little froggy, know i care lots.....

Jinny xxxxx

((((((((((((((((((((((((((kebs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

((((( Kebs )))))

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Frogs have lips?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Thanks Sky. Someone else said that but I had forgotten.

(((((((((((keb))))))))))))))
You are one of the bravest ppl i know
FOr a sheep that is something"sorry a joke"
To put out there how you really are and feel is like wow
I am so sorry you have to go threw this, of course none of this helps
What Clyde said I agree

Your a winner

and very imporant here

Clyde,
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
She also taped my mouth shut and wrote on it "Blabbermouth."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

ME, no no couldn't be me, I deny everything (Froggy hiding duct tape, sissors and magic marker)

((( jacq )))
((( jinny )))
((( BB )))
((( MentalPolution )))
((( Muffy )))

^jqko 8pi ( Thank You when fingers can't remember the keys)

It's difficult to make others understand what my world is like. I guess because memory loss is too abstract. As much as you empathize with my condition but I can't "show" in a concrete way so you live the experience.

This is what I mean. . .

A blind person says to you "I don't like washing my dishes because I can't tell if they are clean." You understand. Yes is would be difficult.

Now I duct tape your eyelids shut and stand you in front of that sink full of dishes. At that point, you really do understand blindness.

With memory loss......well you just can't experience that black hole.

But it's good, comforting (and all those others words I can't remember) to know I have friends who don't mind if I vent.

Thank you

im sorry i missed your vent kebs as you know iwe are here to hear your vents at anytime you know that , and you are great person
im sorry that the ppl irl who dont get it and tell you just move on, they are the ones that need to move on

you are our frog of little brain

(((((((((((((((kebs))))))))))))))))

hang in there (((( Kebs )))))

OMG NoWhere!!! I love that pic with froggy dangling from a (what is it?)cherry!! it is sooo cute!!~Mel

I know about memory loss. I am getting worse and I have gotten to where I hate talking in public unless it is with moggles because I often cannot name what I am looking for even though I KNOW there was soemthing I wanted or needed and just can't say or think of the name once soemwhere...I also substitute words and sound as if I am crazy. Moggles is my brain and he has to finish my sentances or trains of thought when my brain fails me. People don't understand...esp. doctors. They smirk and think it is ALL a joke or that I am faking it. They say things like, 'you are only 34....';'it is stress you are fine';'how can you do that you are young and healthy...all the tests come back ok...'

I can go on and on. But I have started rambling, I am sorry. melanie

That is either a very big cherry or a very small frog.

I can't do that.

kebs, I just read this entire thread and the guy with the big nose is confused. What's the memory loss from? I just didn't catch that part.

You know I love ya so regardless of the cause, let me know if there's anything I can do.

I'll leave you with a thought I had while driving to work this morning, "a screwed up, twisted, painful, confusing, conflicted, sorrowful life is better than no life at all."

Cyran0