i have suicidal thoughts

hello, i just registered because i cannot find anyone i can talk to ..
my life just turned upside down ,
I'm a father for 2 kids ..
last year a big conflict happened between my wife and my parents ..

my parents asked me and threatened me so many times to divorce her but i couldn't do it because simply i love her..
i decided to travel abroad , i sent my wife and kids to another country to live with her parents and i travelled to another country where i found a new job ..
Literally i was shocked !!
the salary is half of what we agreed on and the work field is totally new to me i cannot adapt . Career shifting is so dreadful , i tried to read books and i took courses to broaden my knowledge but im unable to adjust and i find it extremely difficult to get along with the work field that i have zero experience in .. i told my wife that we should go back due to my work situation she refused and threatened me to file a divorce .. i tried all means necessary to convince her but all went in vain .. i cannot bring my family because the cost of living where i work is too expensive .. it's been a year now ,, i lost 20 kilograms of weight and i cant get enough sleep due to stress and extreme depression .. i'm thinking about ending my life but it's not an easy attempt since i think about my children most of the time ......
my wife doesnt understand what im facing and she keeps blaming my parents .. and the career shifting is killing me !

Dear isolated10,

I am so very, very sorry for the terrible ordeal you are suffering. It is absolutely heartbreaking! I wish I knew what to say to help ease your pain. I can't even imagine what you must be going through with the situations you described about your family and work and all the conflicts and disappointments, stress and distress.

You are clearly a good person in a bad situation. Please do not do anything to harm yourself. Such action would be a horrible loss to the world and would be devastating to your children for the rest of their lives. I think your thoughts and feelings are very understandable given your situation, but please, please do not do harm to yourself.

Hopefully these Forums will prove helpful to you. The unbelievable stress you are under might have caused you to fall into the illness of depression. Please consider seeing a physician for treatment for this. When everything was going wrong in my life, medical treatment helped me enormously. And it helped me to regain lost weight. Depression can make the stresses of life worse and the depression and stress can feed each other in a vicious cycle.

I think you are a very heroic person to be bearing such heavy, heavy burdens. People who have never had to bear such burdens will never understood how much nobility and heroism it takes to bear them. I feel badly that I do not have the wisdom to be able to help you since I admire you so much. Hopefully others here will have better words for you than my poor words. Even when everything is going wrong, there is always hope.

If you continue to be plagued with suicidal thoughts, please call a suicide crisis hotline. Staff at these hotlines are trained to be able help and do help people. I was helped by counselors at a crisis hotline myself.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

The most courageous thing you could do was what you just did - You reached out. Here are a group of people who know how you feel and at the same time wouldn't want anything to happen to you, and hope things get better. There are no quick solutions, and I am so sorry that you had to make the decision you had to make. At the same time I commend you for staying by your wife. Family, including wife, should never put the people they love in that position. Keep doing what you are doing - bettering yourself - and guaranteed things will get better. You can't give up on you...