[Rose76]

I'm having a bout of depression that is getting serious to the point of making it hard to even get out of bed. I want to talk about it with someone, but I'm afraid.

When I've had really awful episodes of depression, I tend to reach out for help. Often that starts a "chain" of referrals. Everyone I approach wants to send me to someone else. Professionals do that. Even friends and family do that. I find myself thinking, "Why can't I just talk to you?"

If it's a relative, they start worrying that maybe they should send the cops to my door. A friend once said to me, "Why don't you go talk to a priest?" I called once to speak to a priest, and he said, "Sorry, we have no counselors on the staff of this parish. Why don't you try calling other churches?" Once, when I mentioned to my father that I was having a difficult time, he said, "Why don't you ask God to help you."

Once, when I was in a partial hospitalization program, the psychiatrist there said "Why don't you start going to AA? You mentioned that you drink." (I was never a big drinker.) Everyone wants to refer me to someone else. If I'm talking to a counselor, I might get told, "Why not reach out to your family for more support?" If I mention being depressed to a close relative, they are apt to say, "Why don't you go get some professional counseling?"

When I've felt very troubled emotionally, I've found that everyone I approach seems to think the best thing that they can do us to urge me to "go get help" . . . from somebody else.

I see my primary care provider on Thurs. (She's a P.A.) I want to tell her that I've been quite depressed lately. I just want to talk with her briefly . . . maybe increase the dose of my antidepressant. I'm so afraid she's going to refer me to the psychiatric clinic. If I go there, the pdoc may want to refer me to a counselor, (which would mean going on a long waiting list to get one.) If I get a counselor, that person will likely say, "You need to ask friends and family for more support."

I don't want to be passed around. I don't want to run that gauntlet again. Been there, done that . . . too many times.

I appreciate anyone here that can offer any encouragement.

[leomama]

That’s awful and I can relate. The one thing I would say is if you went to AA you would find a community of support and a spiritual program . I also was not a “big” drinker but when I did drink it let to using marijuana which led to depression. Also when I did drink, this last time, it was because the people I was around (daughter, boyfriend), were drinking. Sometimes depression is a matter of adjusting your medication and then waiting. My psych gave me a prescription for Wellbutrin which he gave me permission not to take when I expressed concern over side effects. I know I’m battling depression right now and I know the things that help me: sun, outdoors, nature, cooking, coloring.

It sounds like you are talking to all the wrong people. I don’t talk to my family , I broke up with my boyfriend, I don’t talk to my priest about my mental health issues unless it’s in confession.

You’ve been helpful to me . Feel free to private message me if you ever want to talk.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry this is happening! Please do not give up! i agree with the wise and wonderful leomama that perhaps it's best to pick other people if you want to share what is going on in your Life. i Hope your care provider will be able to Help and listen. In any acase i am also available if you need someone to talk to and Hopefully others as well although i can recognize that it is not quite the same thing. i Hpe things will improve soon for everyone. Try to do your best like you're already doing perhaps. So Sorry if this post wasn't really helpful. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Rose76, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Rose76]

My thanks to both of you above.

I did attend Al-Anon meetings some years back. I'ld like to do that again, if any in-person meetings resume.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Rose76

My thanks to both of you above.

I did attend Al-Anon meetings some years back. I'ld like to do that again, if any in-person meetings resume.

There is a saying , where two or more are gathered, feel free to talk to me about al-anon issues . I tried to go to my regular meeting today and found out it was still on zoom!

Also I wouldn’t entirely dismiss zoom meetings, you can still meet people there that you can meet in person.

[Rose76]

Well, I'm in the hospital ER. I was finding it hard to do anything. This evening I got to where I couldn't hardly walk. I think it's some widespread muscle inflammation.

I hate being passed around. hate it. if anything, it makes your issues worse, not better.

I'm in the UK, and mental health services have a habbit of doing that
if you're not in immediate danger, (and sometimes even if you are), they don't care. here it's like a pick and choose.. well, this person is a bit more in need of support, everyone else can wait (and by everyone else, all the other thousands and thousands)

and it could be too late by then

it's a topic close to my heart

that's how I lost my friend. no one took her seriously, and she was passed from place to place, until she

Possible trigger:

took her own life.

which could have easily been prevented if people actually had a bit more psympathy

[Rose76]

RV - I'm sorry you lost a dear friend who might have survived with more timely interventions.

Not being in danger doesn't mean not being in distress. But you feeling terribly distressed does not get you to the head of the line for receiving help. You get help faster, if you cause others to be distressed. If you ask for help politely and quietly, you get drowned out by those who create more drama.

Thanks for your post and your empathy.

[modestlychee6463]

I know being told to talk to God can be rather demeaning to the say the least if it's said in an unfeeling manner. I'm sorry you lost your friend. You don't need people who offer fake sympathy. Drive them off if you have to because some of those people don't really mean it.

[Rose76]

Thanks Modest. It's hard for a lot of people to have much empathy for someone who gets depressed over and over. I've learned to not expect to find it.

[divine1966]

Just saw this thread. Sorry you’ve been struggling. Are you in the hospital? How did it go in ER?

[unaluna]

I was worried too. Glad to find out it was "just" anemia. Do they have any idea what caused it in you? Any followup visits scheduled? Like check your levels every x months?

Eta - you almost DID go talk to god!

[divine1966]

I missed the post that it’s anemia. A front of mine had it so bad few months back that she couldn’t walk or drive at all. She ended up having to take iron supplement and they also found she had bleeding ulcer that caused loss of blood. She is on stomach meds now. Maybe doing some checkup on if there is blood loss somewhere and taking iron supplements will fix it. It fixed it for my friend

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I was worried too. Glad to find out it was "just" anemia. Do they have any idea what caused it in you? Any followup visits scheduled? Like check your levels every x months?

Eta - you almost DID go talk to god!

Yes, indeed. That's a good point. You've made me smile.

I was given a blood transfusion. That sure perked me up. I had an upper endoscopy and a colonoscopy. Those tests did not reveal any source of GI bleeding. Next I do a test where I swallow a teeny, tiny camera. That lets doctors look inside the small intestin.

The anemia explained a lot. I was not wanting to do any housework. I thought I was depressed, but I didn't feel despondent. Finally I got to where it was hard to stand up or walk from room to room.

[Rose76]

I'm having severe anxiety this morning. It's awful.

[modestlychee6463]

Why? Are you feeling overwhelmed with some problem?

[sarahsweets]

Hey @Rose76

I’m going to sound fired up and perhaps cynical to to the people who told you to talk to God: “go f*** yourselves! ‘ Ross doesn’t need God she needs a god damn professional CONSISTENT ONE to talk to her and help her. Do you think loss an addiction is easy peesy? Should she just get over it ? Is god punishing her ? How about you school yourself in compassion and empathy and stop. Being Assholes??

Sorry I told you I was fired up

[puzzclar]

Often when people are depressed they say go talk to someone who is trained. What B.S. honestly, the best thing one can do is to keep at the normal habits and find a seal for life that is enjoyable.

From my perspective, meds did little to help, talking has done a little more but getting off my butt has done the most good. It sounds harsh but really if I'm depressed, I don't want to do anything!!! Yet when I push myself to get up and go for a walk, I feel so much better. One day I was suicidal and called my T hotline, and he said break it down, into very tiny steps, one stand up. It seemed hard to stand up, but after I got out of my head and into my body, the suicidal thoughts left, and I was able to walk. Eventually he had me call him back to check in, and I learned that action is better than han inaction.

What could this mean for another? Break a task down into small steps, if your laying down and you need to do something, the first step is to sit up, then move a leg to the floor, then the next leg, then put weight on your feet, and stand up. That was 5 steps, but each step seems like a marathon, in the end it helps us more than taking a med to relieve anxiety. Even then you have to stand and get the med which is more steps.

I've seen people reach for meds and stay in the same hell. It's not pretty or effective. It's been 15 years of feeling like I can't do anything besides take meds, talk to a counselor/therapist, and do little to improve my life because everyone says I can't. Gross!!!! The limited me version needs to end, and I want and choose to become limitless. When someone knocks me down, I choose to take the first step and get up. Even if I need to break it down into the smallest of steps.

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[TishaBuv]

We all have an inherent need to talk about it. We can find therapists, friends, forums, etc…. I don’t want to offend anyone by giving the benefit of the doubt to those who said this. Maybe they just felt they weren’t able to help and made the suggestion with good intent. This is a song by Stevie Wonder that says the same:

[Fuzzybear]

[Rose76]

When I started this thread I didn't know that I was sick.A few days later, I almost couldn't stand up or walk any distance. I called Uber to take me to the ER. They discovered I was severely anemic and kept me for 5 days. There were tests because they thought I was a GI bleed. I was given a transfusion of red blood cells. That made me feel a lot better and I could walk around. But I am still very anemic and taking iron pills. I tire easily.

So my not wanting to do much wasn't mainly from depression. It was severe anemia.

For years now, I keep getting anemic. When that happens my provider sends me for I/V iron. This time the anemia was way worse, so I got the blood transfusion.

Sometimed what seems like a psychological problem turns out to be a physical problem. I was surprised.

I still am anemic and have low stamina andow strength. So a close friend of mind says, "Don't go feeling sorry for yourself. I'll be listening to you. If I catch you feeling sorry for yourself, I'm going to remind you to stop it."

Well, she can kiss my southside, while I face north. I don't know what I said to bring on her giving me thaf admonition.
Soon. I'm going to explain to her that no one has the right to tell anyone else how they should, or shouldn't feel.

I got upset at her, but didn't let her know. Now I regard her as someone who is not safe to confide in.

[unaluna]

With friends like that...!

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by unaluna

With friends like that...!

Thank you, Luna. She loves to needle people and gets a big kick out of making others feel "less than." She's always calling me and wanting to spend time with me - more than I want to be around her. I think I'm going to distance myself for awhile.

I told her I was prescribed some Ativan for my anxiety. She responded that she prefers to pray to God and calm herself in a natural way. I'm getting sick of listening to her.

[Rose76]

I felt so bad for months that I couldn't seem to push myself into getting off the couch much. Then one eve I came home from the store and could barely carry in a few bags of groceries. I could barely walk from one room to another. So I went to the hospital ER. They kept me for 5 days. They said I was so anemic that I needed a blood transfusion. They think I have a slow GI bleed. I got scoped top and bottom, but they could not find a bleeding site. So I have more tests to go through. And I'm still quite anemic now. I thought I was just getting lazy.

When I got out of the hospital, a friend of mine gave me a big lecture on not feeling sorry for myself. I don't. And Idon't know what inspired her to give me that lecture. She further said she's going to watch my moods and keep after me, if she thinks I'm feeling sorry for myself. I have decided that she can go eff herself. Some people like to kick you when you're down.

[puzzclar]

Some people feel the need to push or tell others their beliefs, without thinking of how the other would feel. And then others don't say what they feel about how the other spoke. Both ends of the situation stinks. Neither is right.

I honestly wish more people listened and didn't just speak about what they believe, but rather the emotions behind why one or the other feels in the moment.

When emotions are left out there, and then hidden, nothing can change, and emotions eat at people.

Rose, it seems like you were ignored and had your friends beliefs pushed at you and you felt it best to not be judged farther for your emotions. Which at the time felt the best course of action.

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