[Buffy01]

I been feeling depressed again. I been trying to feel better.

Was a busy day today. Cleaned in the morning. After lunch I went to the bike shop and got a brand new bike. It's the same as the last one, except it feels a little bit lighter, which is nice. Took a one hour ride later in the afternoon and it felt like a nicer ride than before. I think that the people on the streets could tell I was happy because they seemed to have smile back at me. It never happened like that before!

[Breaking Dawn]

That is so good to hear, @will19! I'm glad you like your new bike & you had such a nice day.

[3rd rock]

I am trying to make submissions of my latest novel to agents rather than publishing it myself. But it's a very bad novel. And it's going to take several weeks to hear back from anyone.

[T4bbyCat]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I am trying to make submissions of my latest novel to agents rather than publishing it myself. But it's a very bad novel. And it's going to take several weeks to hear back from anyone.

I doubt JK Rowling expected much, either, yet she's now richer than the Queen of England. You never know... even if it's sort of like a lottery. Just keep at it!

[Deilla]

I'm not doing well.

[3rd rock]

Originally Posted by T4bbyCat

I doubt JK Rowling expected much, either, yet she's now richer than the Queen of England. You never know... even if it's sort of like a lottery. Just keep at it!

You could be right. It's unfortunate that I don't have any friends so I don't really have anyone to share it with. The one person I did share it with just asked me if I ever studied writing at all, which I'm not sure how to take.

[3rd rock]

Tonight is my first night back at work after my vacation. I was able to get a lot done on my vacation. I finished writing my novel. But I feel like I'm going back with no brighter a future than before. It's going to take several months at the minimum to figure out whether anyone wants to publish this novel. And in the meantime I will feel very lost.

[Buffy01]

I wish that I felt better instead of feeling really depressed again. I tried to do activity to help me feel better.

[susannahsays]

I'm not doing at all well. I started wellbutrin maybe a month and a half ago and am now up to 200mg. I thought it was helping but now I'm not so sure. I felt a little better a week or so ago. I don't think I feel worse than before, so that's good even if it's not saying much.

Anyway, today and yesterday seem to have been particularly bad. I can tell because I didn't want to have the TV on while I'm working. I felt really irritated when I thought of the noise intruding on my misery.

ETA - Turned on my TV and ps4 to see if I could summon any interest in playing a game. Launched Red Dead Redemption II. It loaded. I sat for a few minutes and could not make myself play. I also realized that I haven't done any daydreaming about food I want to eat but can't have, which is unusual for me.

[Breaking Dawn]

Lots of downs but some ups.

[Rose76]

I'm not doing well for days now. Feeling pretty depressed. Feel very tired for no good reason.

I have to remind myself that these downward tailspins do eventually blow over. I'm very discouraged. I keep wanting to lie down.

Some of this is related to COVID. I'm afraid to go anywhere.

[mulan]

Today was a meh day. Came home from work to sleep, my inner strenght has been at a low point from some months now. I guess is time to pay doctor a visit to update my meds. I havent been to any appoitment for almost two years, my depression has been managable.
Anyway, it might interfere with all the study I have to do for the next year and I think I am more careless at my job.
Today I got frustrated, anger, like a little girl, when a patient dismmissed the "toilet" paper I prepare him before hand to clean himself up later, and he just grabed some by himself. (Didnt say anything) But was an out of proporcion feeling. It felt as when I would yell at my mom because she woudnt wake me up like my father, and as I liked, by open the window curtains, but would rather turn on the room lights (🙄&#128517. Life has been hard, sleep patterns are disregulated, and I live by myself so I spent much time Alone. Eating is also a mess, I am turning to much on confort foods and have no will to prepare healthy meals.

[Rose76]

3 a.m. and I'm awake for past half hour. Every night I wake up like this. It was easier when I wasn't alone . . . back about ten years ago.

Yesterday I had a lot of anxiety. I have some obsessive-compulsive tendencies. They're related to keeping things organized. My home is disorganized right now.

[susannahsays]

Overflowing with melancholy today. I kind of feel like I need a hug. From whom I don't know. For some reason, I feel like I'm completely alone in the world which isn't actually true. But it's hard when you're in intense emotional pain, especially when you don't really have anyone you can tell about such things. I don't have any friends to lean on and my family is very uncomfortable talking about this sort of stuff. My closest family member has actually expressly asked that I not talk to her about anything negative because it makes her anxious. Feels pretty unfair since she unloads her woes onto me. But that's her boundary and violating it isn't going to get me anywhere.

I have my treatment providers, but no point telling them I'm feeling really down when they can't do anything to change that. It would be like calling a bakery and telling them you really want some cake but you're on a strict diet. What exactly would you be hoping they would do for you? Besides, I already contacted both of them recently and haven't heard back yet. I'm not going to pester them with pointless complaints about how bad I feel.

[Yzen]

I feel like I am going in and out of depression through the day. I have a few good hours and then feel depressed for hours and a couple good hours again and back. Seems like I end the day feeling depressed.

[Rose76]

I'm about ready to tear my hair out. I awoke at 1 a.m. Been awake all night since then. This has been happening nite after nite.

I'm also getting depressed. I think the 2 problems are related.

Plus I'm sick to death of being home alone all the time because I'm afraid of COVID. So that's 3 problems that I think are related.

[Breaking Dawn]

Have sadness & anxiety but working on it this way & that way.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MimiBhaduri0

Are these videos available on youtube? Can you give me a few links? Thanks in advance.

Go to Lisa A Romano and put in what you looking for on YouTube. Such as Lisa A Romano self esteem or Lisa Romano inner child meditation. Go to Lauren Fenton on YouTube and put in Lauren Fenton sleep meditation and Lauren Fenton anxiety self help video or meditation.

[Buffy01]

I have been feeling really bad lately because of how down I been feeling which is one of the reason why I been feeling depressed especially today.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I have been feeling really bad lately because of how down I been feeling which is one of the reason why I been feeling depressed especially today.

I'm so sorry, Buffy. My fingers are crossed for you.

[Rose76]

I only slept 2 or 3 hours. Since yesterday I've felt so distressed. This is the 3rd nite in a row of being awake most of the night. Tinnitus in my left ear is bugging me.

I took 2 mg of Ativan 30 minutes ago. I haven't used that since Nov. I plan to tackle cleaning up my neglected apartment today. Yesterday I couldn't even make myself wash a dish. I believe I won't feel so paralyzed today.

[susannahsays]

I hate how I feel ok the moment I wake up but it always seems to go wrong a few minutes later. It appears being conscious is the problem. That suggests my thoughts are derailing me somehow.

I'm not one who believes in the CBT idea that all bad feelings originate with thoughts. But of course I'm aware that thoughts can and often do negatively impact how you feel. I find that the "thoughts" I have that cause me to feel bad are very quiet, almost unconscious. It's like I have two trains of thought running through my head. One train is at the forefront and it's easy to relate those thoughts. The other train is buried much deeper and I suspect that I forget what these thoughts are soon after having them. I have to drag them out into the light as soon as I detect a change in my mood or I won't be able to say what they were.

At the moment, the thoughts that seem to be derailing me are:

• I hope I have a good day.
• I hope I don't get overwhelmed.
• I hope I don't feel sad.
• I can't tolerate being sad, it is unbearable.
• I'm scared.
• Today will be just like yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
• Oh no, I'm going to feel sad and overwhelmed.
• (feels sad and overwhelmed)
• Today probably won't be a good day unless a miracle happens.
• How am I going to fulfill my responsibilities when I feel so bad?

I constantly cycle through these thoughts and make myself very anxious and depressed. I don't know how to break out of this cycle. Today I tried telling myself it could be a good day. I could feel ok. I have felt ok before so why not today?

So far it's not helping. If I could just have a few good days, it would give these thoughts less power. But as of now I've only managed to add additional anxious thoughts about how I can't not think these things and changing my thoughts isn't working so I'm doomed.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm ok so far today.

[Deilla]

I'm feeling some depression today. I just want to sleep. That's the most comforting thing I have right now.