Onset of Depression

Looking back on your life....when do you recall your first depressive symptoms?

when my mom and dad divorced, about 3 yrs old

When I was 9 I remember writing to my best friend after moving away that all the color had gone out of my world. I hadn't heard that anyplace else before. I was vulnerable much earlier than that, and was hurting myself (mostly biting) at about five years old.

I would be interested also in what people remember of those early depressive symptoms, and how they understood or made sense of them. When did you realize what it was? I didn't know anything about mental illness until I started college. I think I was in my late 20s and had been in therapy several times before I made the connection that I had symptoms of depression as a child. I did know something was not right when I was 12 and was spending all my lunch hours in the bathroom crying, but I still didn't know it was something wrong with me or that could be treated. I believed that everyone in the whole world hated me and that it made sense to feel the way that I did. Nobody told me any different. Even the school counselor who talked to me once about crying in the bathroom just asked me questions (I told her that the whole world hated me) and she didn't offer any information or help.

I don't ever remember not being depressed. hmmm

I started having very distressed periods when I was 4. This is when I was first molested so I guess that makes sense.

Cyran0

I remember when I was around 13 that I suddenly felt like part of me had suddenly died. I didn't know what depression was. As a child I remember having lots of fears and obsessions which I quickly skipped or laughted away. BUT I was always yearning to drink alcohol even as young as 5 I would sneak my parents drinks, I had this need to change the way I felt, but wasn't able to comprehend what I was feeling was depression.

When I was in eighth grade my aunt died. Up til then I was fairly happy go lucky. A year or so later I can remember running into my cousin - whom I hadn't seen since the funeral and I was telling him how much I hated everything. I hated my parents, school, friends, etc. I also remember when I was about 15 deciding I was going to die. <font color="purple"> </font>

I remember that I was very depressed at age 12 when my family moved to another town.. I was leaving all my friends and I wanted to die because they were the only persons who loved me . I am now much older but I still think of that town as the place where I stopped being a happy child.

All I can ever remember is having a very sad childhood. Life as an adult has had it's up's and down's mostly downs. Alot of what I was subject to as a child has shown it's ugly face from time to time, seeing it happen in other families or couples.

Being a survivor of mental, physical and sexual abuse, I don't know that I've never had a period (even as a child) where there wasn't some degree of depression.

I search my memory banks and think it goes way back and I can't decipher a time of it beginning.

Now, in that search, I did see clear times in which I felt carefree and "light".

Thanks for the question because it brought me some good memories.

KD

Primary school. I was 8 and I could not play with other kids because I felt too much on the spot.

I can't pinpoint an exact time or age. But I wasn't a happy child. It was probably sometime in grade school. I didn't have many friends and remember people commenting that I didn't smile much.

13....leaving grade school...enetering junior high....losing all my friends....puberty....riding a school bus...wow.....the memories

This has been a thought that has bothered me since my childhood wasn't bad. I remember good times from what I can remember...I have lost a Iot of memories that were drowned out from abusive ex husband. He hated that i had a great childhood and he didn't and so it was always pushed in my face till I just gave up and locked them away...I just can't find a key. But I remember, especially after I hit puberty...I had what I called dark moments or 'fugues' and it would last days...this morose, dark, fearful, sad, lonely...i dunno, i have a drak side and I dunno, it is just part of me. I satisfy that with King books and crime shows and am trying to overcome it...been fighting over 20 yrs...hmmm sad...~melanie