[Gasplessy]

[Please forgive me for any mistake in my english... i'm not a native speaker and still learning to improve it]

Hi there,

I've being struggle against depressione for about twelve years now (i'm 28). I'm a really insecure person and i feel really akward around people, and i always have this kind of feeling that people have kibd of right to be disrespecful to me because I didn't achieve any goal in my life. I failed at studies (i dropped out from university in 2009), i've never really known what to do with my life, not because i don't have any interest, but mainly because of my insecurities. I've been worked as ad adminstrative secretary for the last 6 year (i was depressed and had social phobia so i didn't had the courage to go back to university and improve my life... also because i didn't know which career to pursue... this make me feel so ashemful) but i'm currently unemployed. And because of this situation, I don't have the courage to date guys anymore (i'm also quite ugly and look like a teen). I feel gross, undesirable, unlovable.

Sorry, I just wanted to write this down even if it's so pathetic. I know I have to shut up to work myself out but i feel lost

[Gasplessy]

...And sorry for the grammar mistakes (I wrote fast) ._.

[*Laurie*]

Oh, my goodness. 28! You're very young. I restarted my entire life at age 52. I don't believe anyone is ever 'too old' to make a new life.

Remember that your feelings of frustration and hopelessness are symptomatic of your disease; your ability to accurately evaluate yourself and your circumstances have been compromised. You are still so young; there are people you will meet, support groups you could join, activities or interests you might discover, and job opportunities that might await you in the future: all possibilities that your depression is preventing you from recognizing. You could still recover(!) You are more than your depression is allowing to see in yourself; you have to be strong and have faith and patience. You didn't mention treatment in your post; consult a doctor if you haven't already. It might be impossible to visualize at the moment, but things could completely turn around for you.

Though it may not seem so, 28 is very very young. I am 50 next month and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

I'm 41 and considering going back to college....you are never too old. I know you feel old but you are so very young....don't let anything stop you...don't let your mind trick you into thinking it's ever too late for anything.

[Gasplessy]

Thank you very much for your answers.
Yeah, it's still young but I feel so really confused on what to do, that maybe this is the biggest problem. I'm not old but I feel like that because I haven't reached any goal in terms of abilities and professional skills.
Justafriend306, how do you cope with that feeling of "I still don't know what I want to be..."? Because to me it used to be a pretty normal thought but now it's killing me :/ I feel that, as an adult, I have to play a role in the society, so that people can refer to me for specific problems... like that if i was a doctor, they would know that i'm here in case they need to be cured, or if i was a consultant, or whatever. I have this big need of feeling respected, maybe it's because i was bullied as a teen and treated pretty much like **** by my own family.

Sorry for any grammar mistake

[Gasplessy]

To Lefty the Salesman:
thank you. I wrote about my treatment in my introduction. I used to go to a psychotherapist - 2-3 years in total... it was helpful but it didn't solve (of course) my problems in being unable to choose which career path to take. I'm very discouraged, that is. I feel so disrespected and it seems like every day is getting worst. I feel like i lost my chance to find my place in the society and now nobody have reasons to take me in consideration.

I know it sounds annoying. Sorry

p.s. I also used to be less bad at writing/speaking in english... it really seems i'm becoming "stupid" ):

Originally Posted by Gasplessy

To Lefty the Salesman:
thank you. I wrote about my treatment in my introduction. I used to go to a psychotherapist - 2-3 years in total... it was helpful but it didn't solve (of course) my problems in being unable to choose which career path to take. I'm very discouraged, that is. I feel so disrespected and it seems like every day is getting worst. I feel like i lost my chance to find my place in the society and now nobody have reasons to take me in consideration.

I know it sounds annoying. Sorry

p.s. I also used to be less bad at writing/speaking in english... it really seems i'm becoming "stupid" ):

You speak/write in English very well. Speaking a second language automatically excludes you from being stupid in my book.

[Gasplessy]

Thank you, ElsaMars. I will hopefully improve a bit

[loulaglo]

I agree with a lot of the posters here.

28 is not too old for most things one can try, including some physical things.

FYI I want to ice skate again . . but I am 55 and had a bad accident that prevents my knee from working properly. This is reality.

I had a similar "evaluation" of myself about college. This was something that was not reality and I am so happy I decided to go for it.

In reality, my being 41 when going to college for the first time, was the best decision of my life! One thing that surprised me is that my life knowledge made me a better student than someone who was 20. A perk I never realized till crossing that bridge.

Also FYI the degree was in interior design. One of my classes was Computer Aided Design. I got into that class and did not even know how to turn on the computer. I ended up getting an A in that class and producing some of the most interesting work the instructor ever saw.

You must get around what you believe is really going to happen in a situation and not let that stop you from trying what you want to go for. Do what you want and the right people will just appear in your circle to help and you will get what you want and need.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Though it may not seem so, 28 is very very young. I am 50 next month and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Almost 65. I guess i need to decide soon?!

Actually, when i was a young teen, i read the word dilettante in a Hemingway novel and i thought that sounded like a wonderful thing to be.

[Gasplessy]

Thank you very much @loulaglo @unaluna

[Gasplessy]

This year has been probably the most difficult i've ever lived. It seems that uncertainty, fear and anxiety are killing my dreams. I wrote a thread about how much i'm scary of death, probably because my situation is very difficult now: i lost basically everyone, and every contact with the society except from my family. I feel so guilty and unforgivable.
And just seeing the therapist one day a week seems not to be enough for me now. I would like to be taken by the hand every day, yet i'm so ashameful that i don't have the courage to ask for that.
I used to be so strong, even with all my insecurities. Until that damned day when I lost the contact with university. I'm turning 29 in less than 6 months, I should be strong, a grown adult but i'm, in fact, such an outsider. It's a Big Lebowsky thing, except i'm not Jeff Bridges he's so cool. No career, nothing to be proud of. And the worst is, I still don't know where to go. I love my mother and the rest of my family to much to commit suicide (i'm also a coward, yep), but i really don't know where to go, what to do. can you believe that? it's so frustrating. i never thought i could feel so lost.

Sorry for the rant. I use to repeat myself like a broken disc sometimes

[little turtle]

I am 85 and still fail...I am up and down....I am very shy and fearful...I have survived

[MickeyCheeky]

I feel the same, even though I'm much younger (18). I'm really sorry, I know how you feel at this very moment
I wish you good luck... with everythgin you'll decide to do Be strong!

[Gasplessy]

@little turtle, @MickeyCheeky, thank you for your posts I send a hug to you

Life is so strange

Why do you apologize so much?

[Gasplessy]

I dont feel sorry for the person who wrote this post, i was guilty for my situation, but nonetheless i have been abused for the last 7 years
I have reasons to hate my older sister who despite being "good" on paper is so childish and uncaring throu family and life in general. She abused me without even noticed

I cant explain my life, it is so strange that is has gone this bad. My errors for sure but what was i dealing with

Eventually there are some circumstances when there are elements around you that just keep telling you there is no way out

I pay for the mistakes i did when young. Because yes, In early twenties i did **** up with college.

[MindWanderer]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Almost 65. I guess i need to decide soon?!

Actually, when i was a young teen, i read the word dilettante in a Hemingway novel and i thought that sounded like a wonderful thing to be.

LOL… had to reply to that… the same word shaped most of my life. When my high school counselor asked me what I wanted to be, I answered “a professional dilettante.” 🤣