I felt depressed and anxious this morning. I woke up around 4 AM and was blowing my nose for a little bit and had some coughing. I thought that I could not get back to sleep, but I did. And then I had some weird dreams when I got back to sleep around 4:30 (I guess) to 6:45. I felt only a little bit better while cleaning and listening to good music along with it like always on a Saturday morning.

In the afternoon I felt better. Less tired (I think I've been tired from the heat we've been having in the last few days) and happier since I took on a minor repair that I thought I couldn't do - but I did it with success! It's a big load is off of my mind now.

I'm feeling more alone lately since I let my local friend go a couple of weeks ago. But I'm feeling better being alone than I thought I would. But still it would be nice to have a good friend nearby.

[Rose76]

I've had a long interval of not being depressed. Today was a mostly wasted day. I just felt too tired. I was busy and doing things the last two days, so I seemed out of energy today. I wish I could have more stamina.

[Albatross2008]

I’m at the bottom right now. I keep speaking up and calling out, but nobody’s answering. No use asking for help if help isn’t going to come.

[3rd rock]

Originally Posted by Arbie

I’m at the bottom right now. I keep speaking up and calling out, but nobody’s answering. No use asking for help if help isn’t going to come.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you're safe.

[hiddenaway]

All three of the Arkham games were going to release on Switch this Friday, but now Nintendo has decided they'll release them in December instead.

I understand that they want me to have a smooth playing experience but still. I'm sad.

[Violetta75]

with everything that's going on in the world, I wonder if it's worth worrying about being depressed. It seems something is bound to happen. Nobody knows, but it seems like there's a collapse coming. Puts things in perspective when I think of wars and attacks on civilians... it doesn't change problems in my life, but there's much worse things happening out there. Maybe soon in our own countries. I'm nothing but a tiny spec in all this.

[AzulOscuro]

I’m not strange that there are people like you or me who are mentally sick. The whole world is already a big bucket of trash.

I haven’t listened to the News for years because it’s very frustrating (of course, in the end, you end up knowing through other people) and you wonder WHAT THE F@CKING F@CK!

I’m not gonna renounce to my here and now. Take the best of my loved people and pets, my neighbours, whoever I cross paths with, what I have, what I enjoy, etc. Because I can’t face to the rest. It’s simply INSANE.

[Rose76]

Tired all day. Did nothing.

[Buffy01]

I never felt good enough :sadhug which is why I feel depressed all the time I just want to feel better instead of feeling awful all the time

[3rd rock]

I hate myself.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I never felt good enough :sadhug which is why I feel depressed all the time I just want to feel better instead of feeling awful all the time

Awful, dear? This is how you feel?

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I hate myself.

Don’t hate yourself. You don’t deserve a single grain of this hatred.
How your medical tests went?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I hate myself.

I feel the :hug same way about myself

[Violetta75]

I just said out loud ''I hate myself''.. it seems my life has come to nothing. Just as I think I'm ok and doing better I'm not when I look at it all.

Hugs to you all, I don't know how to feel about the hugs button, does it help.?.. I do read posts and sometimes I cant concentrate well.

I cleaned this morning, more than usual. I've been doing some cleaning also in the last few days and more coming up than usual after today. I'm feeling depressed mainly because I have no S/O, no friends, and no family. Also I have not been sleeping well. Some nights I don't sleep well because of blowing my nose.

This coming week feels like Hell week. Wednesday I get a shot for a medical treatment and on Friday my apartment will be inspected. The reason I've been doing more cleaning than usual is because of next Friday.

For some strange reason, I feel like something incredibly bad will happen. I don't know what it could be, since I don't see much coming up, but it could be some kind of unpleasant big surprise.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Violetta75

I just said out loud ''I hate myself''.. it seems my life has come to nothing. Just as I think I'm ok and doing better I'm not when I look at it all.

Hugs to you all, I don't know how to feel about the hugs button, does it help.?.. I do read posts and sometimes I cant concentrate well.

How good it feels receiving a hug, Violetta. Last hug I gave was apart from the one I have just given to Will, in real life, it was last Thursday. And it was also to a person who has been going through bad moments because of psychological issues. I feel close to her for different reasons. She’s a nice person, as the majority of people here who struggle so much, and also, I have kind of similar mental struggles.

Not sure if it’s a help more for the person who gives a hug or for the one who receives it. I somehow have the need to give it and I feel well for that.
Of course, hugs through the button has no comparison to the ones irl or the ones who are expressed virtually in a more personal way.

Thank you and a hug back to you Violetta.

I've been feeling depressed and tired today, even though I felt like I had slept fairly well last night. I would have slept better if I didn't have a mild headache. Last night the friend, whom I had let go around three weeks ago, called me. We talked but it didn't go well. He says he misses me but has treated me terribly. I don't get it.

My sister called this morning. We had a pretty good talk. I did some minor cleaning today. One little project went pretty well but another didn't. I took a day off from scrubbing floors, after doing it for three days. I've been pleased with the way the floors looks, even though I feel like it's not perfect like the way I'd want it to be. I plan to do one more floor to scrub and clean either tomorrow or Tuesday. I want my apartment to look good for Friday when I have an inspection, even though the inspection is to see if things are functioning well and not about neatness. I have anxiety about it.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Violetta75

I just said out loud ''I hate myself''.. it seems my life has come to nothing. Just as I think I'm ok and doing better I'm not when I look at it all.

Hugs to you all, I don't know how to feel about the hugs button, does it help.?.. I do read posts and sometimes I cant concentrate well.

The hugs help me.

[3rd rock]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Don’t hate yourself. You don’t deserve a single grain of this hatred.
How your medical tests went?

Mostly well, however my liver is accumulating damage rapidly. My Gamma GT levels have gone from around 120 to over 400 in about six weeks.

[Stillhuman]

My day has been one stressor after another. First I was explaining to my superintendent that a neighbour is a menace and had assaulted me not long ago. I asked for the security footage to be reviewed twice. The landlord made an excuse and basically made it sound like the cameras don't really work anyway. The police did nothing to help. The neighbour made up that I was stealing from her, and had threatened to kill me while punching and kicking me while I was on the ground. I threw a punch after she attempted to hit me with a garden hoe. She made the excuse I was getting in her face while I was walking away. Didn't even step close to her, or make a threatening gesture- she just came at me and swung it at me with the intention to hit me. How else should I f*cking react?

I am afraid to take out my trash. My landlord seemed happy that I have considered moving to get away from this place. It has been nothing but stress living here. Between the creepy superintendent he hired, and some of the neighbours it's been really actually scary. It's like no one takes me seriously and no one thinks I am at risk, and because I seemed to be the only person the superintendent targeted I feel afraid. I feel like if I defend myself reasonably or even fight back at all I'll be in trouble. I was walking around with a 2lb dumbbell in case they try to jump me again, but I can't do that because if I hurt them, then I am trouble.

On top of it my job is abandoning me with issues and not paying me for the trouble and it makes me fear that I am about to be homeless. I feel trapped and I feel like I am to blame.

This morning I scrubbed the floor that's fairly small in size. I have not done that one in a while, so it's the last scrubbing of the floors that I've done lately. They look great now. It's pretty hard work.

I woke up this morning around 3:30 and had a hard time getting back to sleep. My mind was filled with what I have to do today. I thought I'd be too tired to do the floor but thankfully, I wasn't.

Starting tomorrow is "hell week" for me. Tomorrow I get a medical shot and Friday is the apartment inspection. Thursday will be busy, too. I can't wait for Friday to be over with.

[Rose76]

I've had a long stretch of not being really depressed. It's been a blessing. However, at times I sink into a kind of lethargy, whereby I do next to nothing for 2 days in a row. It seems like a new kind of depression, where I'm not feeling down emotionally, but I'm functioning as if I did. I tell myself to push and force myself to do more. Otherwise low activity level will become my new normal. I don't want that.

[hiddenaway]

Maybe this is stupid, but sometimes I really think it'd be easier not to talk at all and just like text everything and/or write it out by hand.

I mean, I love to talk but I can't do so without feeling like I'm going to cry lately. I just feel so much - too much to say aloud, if that makes sense, and I don't know how to voice it.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by hiddenaway

Maybe this is stupid, but sometimes I really think it'd be easier not to talk at all and just like text everything and/or write it out by hand.

I mean, I love to talk but I can't do so without feeling like I'm going to cry lately. I just feel so much - too much to say aloud, if that makes sense, and I don't know how to voice it.

I feel like this all the time myself.

I didn't sleep well last night. Today was the inspection for my apartment. It was going to happen on Friday, but instead it got moved up to today. It went well. I'm just glad it's over because I wasn't looking forward to it, but it turned out better than I thought. That's why I didn't sleep well last night. Whenever I don't get a good night's sleep my mood feels like being in the dark, stormy clouds even if things are well.