[lotusblossom19]

It feels like I'm sinking deeper and deeper underwater. I hurt my hand on purpose earlier today. I'm trying to cope with rejection and abandonment I have faced. After all I've done to help others, it turns out it meant nothing. I'm sick of crying by myself and smiling in front of everyone else. I need comfort. I need relief.

[3rd rock]

I went to sleep in good time last night, but woke up early after managing only 5 hours and couldn't go back to sleep. It's frustrating because this is the weekend and I'm supposed to be catching up on lost sleep on the weekend. It's very unpleasant, to be tired and yet unable to sleep.

[hiddenaway]

Catching up on much needed sleep felt so good today.

[Samicat]

Hi everyone.

I was posting for a while on the bipolar forum but found out I had been misdiagnosed and am not bipolar since I never had a manic or hypomanic episode.

Unfortunately I have severe anxiety and moderate depression (Atypical depression which is worse in the evenings). I have a support group in real life, but it's in the evenings so sometimes I can start feeling really negative there and venting. I will explain that next meeting just so I don't seem like a totally negative person.

I moved to a new city last year but had a very rotten experience with one person I met. It was so odd and unpleasant- she just took a real dislike to me and I still don't fully understand it but there were warning signs I ignored. I have no friends nearby and am normally quite a social person so it's hard. I am married so I do have my husband but I've always depended on having one or two close female friends as well. I would prefer to move back to a more urban area but for financial reasons that's not possible right now. Also we don't have a car yet so are basically trapped for now - there is a car shortage here and prices are astronomical. We will hopefully be able to get one in January.

Anyway, wanted to give a proper introduction. I'm trying not to slide into deep depression but it's not helping that my life is stalled while I wait for medical tests. If those are clear I may be able to get a job. My husband is older (I'm 54) and will be getting a pension but it's really not enough for us both to live on, at least not comfortably. So... I am so bored and feel like I'm in a waiting game.


TLDR: I'm dealing with worsening depression, isolation and boredom, and stress of medical symptoms that are not explained or resolved.

[Samicat]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I went to sleep in good time last night, but woke up early after managing only 5 hours and couldn't go back to sleep. It's frustrating because this is the weekend and I'm supposed to be catching up on lost sleep on the weekend. It's very unpleasant, to be tired and yet unable to sleep.

I get this a lot and it sucks. Sometimes if I wake too early I drink Sleepytime herbal tea (which I think is peppermint and chamomile and maybe other stuff) and it seems to help. I also use a red-shift program (F.lux) on my computer and phone so I'm not exposed to too much blue light if I go online.

[Samicat]

Originally Posted by lotusblossom19

It feels like I'm sinking deeper and deeper underwater. I hurt my hand on purpose earlier today. I'm trying to cope with rejection and abandonment I have faced. After all I've done to help others, it turns out it meant nothing. I'm sick of crying by myself and smiling in front of everyone else. I need comfort. I need relief.

If you feel the urge to hurt yourself, squeezing some ice cubes in your hand can give relief without causing injury. There's a free app called CalmHarm that can help as well.


Do you do therapy? I really recommend it. Unfortunately sometimes there is nobody but online strangers to comfort us - which is better than nothing but still tragic. Sending you hugs.

[Samicat]

Originally Posted by Stillhuman

My day has been one stressor after another. First I was explaining to my superintendent that a neighbour is a menace and had assaulted me not long ago. I asked for the security footage to be reviewed twice. The landlord made an excuse and basically made it sound like the cameras don't really work anyway. The police did nothing to help. The neighbour made up that I was stealing from her, and had threatened to kill me while punching and kicking me while I was on the ground. I threw a punch after she attempted to hit me with a garden hoe. She made the excuse I was getting in her face while I was walking away. Didn't even step close to her, or make a threatening gesture- she just came at me and swung it at me with the intention to hit me. How else should I f*cking react?

I am afraid to take out my trash. My landlord seemed happy that I have considered moving to get away from this place. It has been nothing but stress living here. Between the creepy superintendent he hired, and some of the neighbours it's been really actually scary. It's like no one takes me seriously and no one thinks I am at risk, and because I seemed to be the only person the superintendent targeted I feel afraid. I feel like if I defend myself reasonably or even fight back at all I'll be in trouble. I was walking around with a 2lb dumbbell in case they try to jump me again, but I can't do that because if I hurt them, then I am trouble.

On top of it my job is abandoning me with issues and not paying me for the trouble and it makes me fear that I am about to be homeless. I feel trapped and I feel like I am to blame.

You are not to blame. Nobody deserves to be exploited by their employer, bullied or intimidated. I hope you may be able to find other housing eventually but in the mean time you must do what you need to in order to feel safe. You may want to call a women's help line or sexual assault line (if you are female) to see what you can do to stay safe. I used to volunteer at one of those and they do talk to women about safety and harassment, not just about rape.

[hiddenaway]

I'll post a proper update later but right now my head feels like it's full of rocks. I'm going to have some coffee and try to wake up.

[Samicat]

Originally Posted by will19

This morning I scrubbed the floor that's fairly small in size. I have not done that one in a while, so it's the last scrubbing of the floors that I've done lately. They look great now. It's pretty hard work.

I woke up this morning around 3:30 and had a hard time getting back to sleep. My mind was filled with what I have to do today. I thought I'd be too tired to do the floor but thankfully, I wasn't.

Starting tomorrow is "hell week" for me. Tomorrow I get a medical shot and Friday is the apartment inspection. Thursday will be busy, too. I can't wait for Friday to be over with.

I just had a week like that. It can help to take it not just "one day at a time" but one hour or minute at a time. I sometimes make a list and cross things off to remind myself of all I've gotten done.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Samicat

Hi everyone.

I was posting for a while on the bipolar forum but found out I had been misdiagnosed and am not bipolar since I never had a manic or hypomanic episode.

Unfortunately I have severe anxiety and moderate depression (Atypical depression which is worse in the evenings). I have a support group in real life, but it's in the evenings so sometimes I can start feeling really negative there and venting. I will explain that next meeting just so I don't seem like a totally negative person.

I moved to a new city last year but had a very rotten experience with one person I met. It was so odd and unpleasant- she just took a real dislike to me and I still don't fully understand it but there were warning signs I ignored. I have no friends nearby and am normally quite a social person so it's hard. I am married so I do have my husband but I've always depended on having one or two close female friends as well. I would prefer to move back to a more urban area but for financial reasons that's not possible right now. Also we don't have a car yet so are basically trapped for now - there is a car shortage here and prices are astronomical. We will hopefully be able to get one in January.

Anyway, wanted to give a proper introduction. I'm trying not to slide into deep depression but it's not helping that my life is stalled while I wait for medical tests. If those are clear I may be able to get a job. My husband is older (I'm 54) and will be getting a pension but it's really not enough for us both to live on, at least not comfortably. So... I am so bored and feel like I'm in a waiting game.


TLDR: I'm dealing with worsening depression, isolation and boredom, and stress of medical symptoms that are not explained or resolved.

Wanted to say hi.
I’m glad you are here with us. 😀

[hiddenaway]

Listening to copious amounts of cheesy pop songs and thinking about Drew seems to be the plan for today.

[Rose76]

Did nothing today. Lazy. But not depressed. Will try to get something done this evening.

[hiddenaway]

Will I ever finish the story I'm currently working on? The world may never know.

[iscreamparty]

Two steps forward, one step back... I think it's time I officially quit my job and find something else that won't give me PTSD. Going in late today to clean up and calm down after a meltdown this morning.

[Samicat]

Originally Posted by hiddenaway

Will I ever finish the story I'm currently working on? The world may never know.

Hey, I write too. Sending you good wishes with it.

[hiddenaway]

Originally Posted by Samicat

Hey, I write too. Sending you good wishes with it.

Back at you.

[Buffy01]

I’m tired of feeling down :sadhug and depressed all the time

[hiddenaway]

I finished my story. Today is a good day.

[Violetta75]

I'm not good. I feel useless. The loss of a lifetime friendship is bothering me. I've thought about driving to her house to ask her what's wrong, but I left messages several times. I think that the weather is a big problem, it's dark and colder, soon will be snow. I'm sorry for everyone that feels depressed and anxious like this.

[hiddenaway]

I hate that I'm so attracted to my physical therapist. She's straight, for one thing, like I said, and even if she wasn't...I can't do anything cause ethical reasons.

This hurts so much and I legit don't know how to handle it.

[Samicat]

Originally Posted by Violetta75

I'm not good. I feel useless. The loss of a lifetime friendship is bothering me. I've thought about driving to her house to ask her what's wrong, but I left messages several times. I think that the weather is a big problem, it's dark and colder, soon will be snow. I'm sorry for everyone that feels depressed and anxious like this.

That is difficult and I hope it gets resolved.

[3rd rock]

I got my blood pressure measured today. It's 179/119 and my pulse is 118 beats per minute. I gather this is very bad. I don't want to go onto medication to control it but I also don't want to have a heart attack or whatever.

[Buffy01]

I tried speaking with my :sadhug sister on my goals to heal from depression :hug which upset my sister

[hiddenaway]

I didn't get my 'I love you' from Drew today.

I can and will get it on Paramount+ later cause a special report interrupted today's episode. Honestly, if I don't get my I love you, my whole day is ruined until I do, stupid as that is.

[iscreamparty]

I may be dressed in scrubs with blonde hair in a pony tail giving good bois the treats they deserve when they take their vaccines like a champ, but on the inside I'm still the 16 year old with black hair covering her eyes that still rocks out to Swan Songs on repeat until the CD player doesn't work. I'm working on a playlist of stuff I used to listen to in high school and I'm going to play it at work all day, with headphones, don't worry

One thing that helps me when I'm depressed is giving myself two easy goals for the day and doing both and feeling like an accomplished Goddess. Someone advised to set 5, and do at least 3 so you did over half of them, but that's not how my brain works