I MUST NOT do what I love

This is tremendous. Pinched nerves are very painful and I only was prescribed with pain killers and physical rehab.

Yeah, I've had some issues with my back in the past. When this issue occured, it seemed to be carpal tunnel problem, but the neurologist checked also the back and it was also alright. Luckily, it was/is somerhing orthopaedic

Well, I asked about rehab and such things, he said it would only be bad for the tendons. The treatment was shots which helped with regeneration. The pain subsided and he told me that the numbness should fade away in time. So the treatment ended. It is much better now, I can function in daily life.

Hello, Jak!
I was wondering how are the things lately?
I had to take a break from the forum because I don’t know what happens but each year I have a relapse at around November month. I don’t know if it’s because of the weather change or what but my mood low and my energy. Thanks god, this time, the recovery had been sooner.

Hi, it's alright. It's your time and you understand yourself the best. I understand it

Thanks for asking. Concerning my hand, it gets better. I'm not in pain. Yet, it is still not good enough. I feel something unpleasant when typing on a keyboard, so my studies are difficult.
But I must say, I'm not feeling really well because of other things happening...

I understand, friend.
You know what I’ve learnt. Maybe, this is gonna sound something very stupid. Maybe, you feel like kicking me up.
I don’t even know if I should tell you.
There, I go. In the way you learn to live and embrace your own struggles without feeling sorry…I mean…in the way you learn to make the best our of your difficulties and feel well with yourself, no matter with, this is what counts and maybe you will find what you are looking for, whenever you expect.
Does it sound stupid, doesn’t it? I know it but it works for me. It has a lot to do with being mindful. I’m grateful my psychologist taught it to me.

To be honest, everything I read here is not stupid for me because I'm also here for reading what others have to say. I admit, sometimes, things are difficult to understand and responds don't correspond my issues. Sometimes they help, sometimes they don't, but that's not a reason for them to be stupid.

You know, I am actually satisfied and proud of who I am. I know my strengths and think positively of myself. But yeah, there are things in my life, very important things to me, concerning which, my every single effort lead to nothing pleasant. Even if I took failure as a way to learn, what I often do.
Based on objective reasoning, what I know from others and what I know about myself, the problem is not me, what I do and how. So sometimes, it feels like you really can't take much from your struggles.

I don't feel sorry for myself, but you can imagine this doesn't feel very pleasant.


Just to mention, today I had a checkup at the neurologist. We kind of decided to let it be as it is, so I'm trying to do more things, but I feel I still have some way to go.

No, no, Jak, I don’t mean the problem is you at all.
I mean that the times things have worked for me is when I feel more unattached from those things I craved for.
I’m very happy that you are proud of yourself. This is very important. So whatever it may come out of my plans were considered a present.

So, there’s nothing the neurologist can do or maybe (s)he suggested to wait for a time until jumping to the nest step?

I get you, I just wanted to point that out and say why many of my sufferings are not really a way to learn as the cause is different (sometime unknown).
If I think about it, there are important things to me concerning which, unfortunately, things have never woked out for me... I really mean never...
So I can't compare how attached I feel to the things I crave for.

You know, I find out that confidence is the most useless thing a person can have. Because I do, but it improves nothing (although I believe that it has/should have impact on your life). Being proud of myslef, it probably is important, but I see no difference between the time I was not proud of some things and now (absolutely proud of myself). If we take other people (like "friends" or such) into account, they don't really care about me so this is also field in which confidence and being proud is useless (and based on what I know, I display these traits naturally).


Well, I'm not really in pain now (yesterday evening, there was very slight after two weeks, but I worked on pc for a long time so that's maybe why). She said, that it's all, it should be fine now so there's not really a next step. I feel that I still need to rest rather much though.

Jak, it’s curious. I think and I experienced that self-confidence is very important for me. There’s a whole word of difference between how I felt in the past and my current situation. Since I gain self-esteem and more confidence I can live and have the strength to live and face to situations and events to which I would consider impossible to face in the past.
But, this is s very personal situation and consider that I’m not facing now to the challenges you are finding now, due to your age and such.

So, our current situations are not comparable. Anyway, I’m still glad that you don’t have the problems of lack of self-esteem I had when I was young.

As to your hand, let’s see how it is going those days, if you don’t find a complete recovery or at least, something close to a recovery, let’s try to see another neurologist.

Are you receiving some kind of physiotherapist, Jack? for your hand, I mean?

I completely agree that it can be important to people to have confidence and be proud. I'm having these thoughts because it wasn't always that I had confidence and was not always that proud. That time, it was important to me too, so I worked on it. But if I compare it before and now, I don't see it has any beneficial effect.

Yes, I'm going through rather much now (also academically, but mainly concerning other parts of my life) and I have no one to turn to irl so I feel I'm all alone to deal with those challenges and so they seem to be more difficult. No one is there to help me stand up when I fall. And it's not that I would isolate myself. So I've been lonely very much lately what doesn't help either.

With the hand. I'm not having any therapy, nothing. The doctors consider it healed and that it should return to normal on its own. And you know, seeing another neurologist wouldn't really help since it turned out that it is not a nerological problem.

Lately I’m paying especial attention to articles I receive about loneliness. It’s because of you and another member of this forum. It’s…I can’t express how bad it must be.
That’s why I thank every single day I count with my close people because if they weren’t there with me, I don’t know what I would do.
I’d wish I could share with you and this other user a little of this luck I have. I would put up with a little less and you both could have a little.

Yes, Jak, in regards your hand I now remember that in your case, you can’t force your hand in physical therapy. Let’s see what happen with it.
By the way, Jak, so it isn’t neurological. What could it be? A nerve?

You are a lucky person then. I mean, I have some people around me, but we are not really close (again, I'm not the problem). Actually, I feel best with a person I met just recently. I feel I can trust her, but you know, we don't know each other for a long time so it is different. And especially, communication with her is slightly difficult (and she admits it). Thank you. Sometimes, it actually feels that the problem when it comes to my friendships and finding a romantic partner that it is bad luck what prevents me from having someone close to me (as I stated some time before, based on objective reasoning, the problem clearly isn't me)...

It is/was problem with tendons. That's why any physical activity would have brought more pain

I play drums, guitar, and piano. I'm not supposed to due to my back (herniated disc) and arthritis in my hands. But, I do it anyway. I've found alternative treatments that help with pain, so I play as much as I can - every day. There are many instruments out there. Maybe you could learn a new one? Best of luck! Do your passion! https://imaginativefusion.wixsite.co...e/post/passion

Thanks @speckofdust for replying, but you know, the situation is different now. The hand should be healed, well, according to doctors (I'm facing some other things now). I still need to rest.
I play(ed) also the piano, but you know, every instrument I know requires hand use.

Today, I had a guitar in my hands after four long nonths. Very strange feeling. I had some ideas for my own creations, maybe even motivation to do it. But yeah, I couldn't do anything with that (digital alternatives are not for me) so I may have forgotten the ideas...

A few ideas that require less dexterity: Xylophone, harmonica, your voice. You may be able to adapt some instruments to your needs. Best of luck!

Dropping in with a hug for jak

@speckofdust, you know the problem is/was with my tendons, but I understand it is difficult to read all what is here. Therefore, only my voice would be an option and well, I manage to sing a few songs, but my singing is not good. Besides I sing better when I play along. Adn you surely understand that it is also about the music you want to play. Of course, you can play it in different instruments (I tried that in the past), but the energy and feel is different and that's important for me.

Still, thanks though

Well... After a month or so, I start to feel that the problem is coming back...

I hope you feel better soon, jak

Thanks. I'm retaking two exams next week and taking one other. Now I'm not sure if I will be able to write...

I can't find the original post, but I can attest to the aches and pains causing extra inner turmoil. I have arthritis in my hands to the point where I can no longer open jars without a jar opener, I have a herniated disc in my lower back, etc etc etc... I would blame "old age," but geez, I don't think mid 50's is THAT old these days. I exercise as much as my body will let me. But, I've been dealing with chronic pain since I was 19 years old, so I've almost gotten to where I can "ignore" it most of the day. When I'm down emotionally, it's more difficult to do the mind over matter thing. I just recently got botox injections in my lower and upper jaws and my temples to try to relieve TMJ pain that I've suffered from for over 20 years. Even that isn't helping anything. Anyway, I'm trying not to go down the rabbit hole here. Please just know that it is possible to live a decent life, even with pain playing a role. Meditation does help me - more than anything that medical science has done for me for the last 40 some years. It's kinda mind over matter for me, else I'd be in a hospital for other reasons. I hope everyone finds relief from any aches and pains, and I hope we can all find a way to overcome it so we can find some joy and happiness in each day. <3

Thanks for replying @speckofdust

In my case, it is problem with tendons (if it is what I had last year). Right now, it is so bad, that I cannot write for more than 20 minutes in one go so that is the problem as my exams are (except for one) written. Even typing on keyboard or phone is painful now so that's not a relief and since I study IT/programming, it is crucial to success. And at uni, you have too little time to use just one hand.
Concerning the first upcoming exam, there was not enough time to communicate it with the lecturer.

To give you a better view, I struggle with eating now because of the pain.

Writing this post took just 5 minutes and it got too painful. In my case, the problem is also that I don't have anything to relieve or lessen the pain and since I live alone and cannot really rely on anyone, so I have to take care of everything myself.

I went to a hand specialist. He prescribed hand braces, which have been helpful. Not a "cure," but helpful. There are many hand related products out there on the open market if you can't afford to see a doctor. Braces, gloves, wax treatment implements, etc. I would try some of those. Best.