I shouldn't even be posting this..

I'm not even sure this is necessarily the right forum to post this in, but i certainly didn't want to make a big deal out of it and put it in general, so I guess it will just have to go here.

I say I shouldn't be posting this because I haven't been doing a very good job at being supportive in the past little while myself. I've been doing a far bit more of just reading, starting to reply, and then deleting what I said... so i just haven't been posting a lot.

Life has been absolutely ridiculous lately. I feel like I can't even function any more. I don't think i've ever had this many things to do, this many responsibilities, all at once. And to throw it in the mixture, anxiety and depression have been fighting their way to surface along with all this.

I have a responsibility to my work, to my school work, to my potential work for this summer, and then to try and put on a face so i don't make everyone uncomfortable with how miserable I am.

No body knows any of this. I haven't told anyone. My best friend doesn't even know that I'm seeing a T or pdoc... and it would probably just add stress if i were to tell her.

I started CBT today and it stirred up a bunch of feelings that I've been trying to hard to not think about. Of course those thoughts aren't exactly helping me get through all of my assignments either.

I don't know where I'm going with this any good wishes to help me get through the next week or so would be really appreciated. I'm going to need all the help I can get..

Thanks for listening if you've made it this far.

I'm glad you posted I'm the same, i never feel i have the right to post...or i feel what i say is useless (yeh i think the same about this post too).
I think i understand some of the stress, i'm trying very hard to limit the amount of stress in my life atm, but last semester of uni with all the work...and gosh does depression make it darn hard! I've given up thinking about jobs for now, i haven't a clue what to do, and to be honest if i did think about it i'd have a melt down....so i definately feel for you with all that load on you!
I haven't had therapy but i did some CBT in counselling and yeh it made me feel 100x worse afterwards because for me it basically showed me how awful i am! I'd go away and cry for the rest of the day after...and soon i gave up. But i think she was not very good at it to be honest. So well done you for getting through your session! I'm proud of you!!
I think you should tell your friend, i took the plunge and told a small group of friends around me, mainly because i had to go to hospital and home for a long while but also i needed their support when i wasn't with my parents and they have totally stepped up to the challenge. I would try not to worry about stressing her, you know the boundries that would be too much of a burden and sometimes the release of just saying something really helps. Just a thought anyway....

Sending you many cyber hugs and prayers your way. Keep fighting!

(((((Jacq))))) you know you always have my support anytime... thats a lot to jusggle, the personal stuff, well, i reaal sorry it couldnt have happened at a beeter time... of course, im sorry it had to happen at all...

sendg all my best wishes for you... hang in there... you are important.... be you, like here, like when you posted... i always found that healing about this place...

accept you Jacq... the high and low, all of you... it blends into a magnificent tale somewhere after the beginning....

((((Abby)))) yes University definitely does take a tole on you (especially in your last semester!). I appreciate the fact that you posted your reply to me... sometimes i forget how many other people shy away from posting too..

(((((Darrel))))) thank you for the huggy people and hearts. You're a good friend.. thank you.

(((((((((((( jacq ))))))))))))

thanks ((((((((fuzzy)))))))))

hang in there... i'm right with ya; full time work, grad school, therapy... waaaaaaaaay too much to deal with + health prob..i mean challenges. and CRAMPS. ok i feel better now...not.

Thinking good things for you...kiya

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((jacq))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you have so much on your plate. There are times when we can be more supportive than others. That is just how it is and please accept where you are at right now. That is ok. I hope that things let up a bit for you. Please take care.

BB

(((((Kiya))))) Cramps just make things a whole lot worse too! I find putting something warm on the stomach really helps.. helps to calm down too! Thank you for the good thoughts...

((((((BB)))))) Thank you for your kind words. I'm trying to accept that where i'm at right now makes it hard to be supportive, but i guess it just seems like i've been here for a while and this whole unsuportive thing is becoming a trend ...

jacq, i think being here, even the readers support PC ... sending hugs (((((Jacq)))) and more huggy people... : )

i mean, that was kinda sloppy the way i said that....

imo Jacq, we all have roles to play in life.. we shift thru those roles as we grow and learn.... dont worry about 'supportive' or non 'supportive' ....

you are really neither... you are you, high and low... with cycles that change...

so dont worry about it? it'll pass?

Dear (((((((((((Jacq)))))))))))))

Sometimes we're not supportive at the level we want to be. Thats okay. We're supporting ourselves first. Thats a good thing.

I heard that CBT is hard, so I dont want to do it. I wish you much luck with it though.

Send me an email sometime, I mean that.

Love ya!

I am lumping my hugs in too!!! I hope this depression thing gets a good butt-whooping from all the hugs...might prove to be its downfall when everyone's a hugging and smiling!! Anyway...you are brave adn strong and fantastic!!! I don;t work, I don't go to school, or have much of a life!!! To be able to do all that shows a strong person even tho you may not feel/see/believe that...it will come in time...sage knowledge in that you (and only you) were able to pull it off...i hope and pray happiness finds you and decides to follow you all the days of your life.

I am sorry if this is disjointed...cluster/migraine-type headache....wasnt going to post, but had to reply lol...I am a glutton for punishment...any way, melanie

Thank you everyone

(((((((((Darrel, Christina & Melanie))))))))

I don't even know what to say ... except that so far, today, is much better than yesterday just reading all your comments.

Much love
Jacq

((((jacq10))))

cami

jacq, by coming to this site and being a part of the community, you're being supportive. In fact, by sharing your problems and asking for help you are being supportive because others are feeling the same way and benefit from the same responses.

Congratulations on starting therapy. That's a huge step that most people never gather the courage to take. You have and while yes, in the short term it can stir up a lot of feelings, in the long term I think you'll not only feel better, but have better tools for when you're not feeling so good.

As for the busy, yeah. I feel ya there. I work a full time job, do freelance work (as my own company), have three kids, and mental problems. It's not easy but this is also something you can talk about it therapy. T's are clever, they have all sorts of advice to help you get through.

Thanks for sharing and be safe.

Oh, and I love your pic.

Cyran0

I think you are a VERY supportive person!!

You have a lot going on. Are you seeing a psychotherapist also to talk about the things you're experiencing, and the depression and anxiety?

Take care of you. Just read a while if that feels better!

Don't you know that you are a blessing just being here? I hope you feel better soon.

((((((Cami)))) Thank you for the hugs

((((((Cyrano))))) I think i will mention all of this when I next see my T. Who knows, it's probably only contributing to the anxiety! .. and thanks about the pic. lol

(((((Echoes)))) Right now I'm just seeing my new T and I have a pdoc that i see (but not a whole lot). Thanks for the words of encouragement

(((((Doh)))) thank you...

jacq, you're welcome about the pic which, I should point out, I meant in a totally not creepy way.

Cyran0

lol no worries Cyran0, I didn't assume you did.