Sorry to vent on here again

Why is it that I have to spend my life trying to please people who only caused me harm.

Why do I have to live my life trying to live by the rules they gave me even though they're dead or gone from my life.

I feel shackled and chained to demands from people I know I should hate, but whenever I try to hate them I just hate myself for hating them.

Am I stupid because I still live in the shadow of other people even though they're gone.

I sure feel stupid. People tell me "They were bad to you, so why do you try to please them? They're dead anyways."

Because I don't know any other way. I'm stupid and dumb and people waste their time with me. I'll never be anyone in life. I have things to be happy for, but I just wake up in the morning sad and angry.

Feel trapped in me. I don't want to be who I am, I don't know anymore. All my energy has been sapped out of me. I'm weak.

[gimmeice]

((((Griffe)))))

[RozG]

((((Griffe)))) you're NOT stupid or dumb...hang on in there...things will get better...

[shaggy76]

not much in the mood for advice but my heart is with you and hope you feel better soon

[Pseudonym]

You try to please them because you want to do what's right, not what's fair. I respect you for that, and so should you. Impressive is the person who will continue helping others when he or she gets nothing in return. If you feel taken advantage of, you can still find solace in the fact that you're doing the right thing, and at the end of the day, you get to fall asleep with that knowledge. If the people for whom you are working are no longer around, it's worth considering that you might be doing what they wanted, but not because they wanted it.
I'm guessing a lot here, because there aren't many details to work with, but something tells me that if you thought it were the wrong thing to do, you could stop. But don't stop doing the right thing because you started with for the wrong reasons. I buy Girl Scout cookies for the taste, not the charity, but they don't mind.
Good luck, man. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

[Doh2007]

Maybe a shift in focus would help? It's not who you aren't, but who you are. Why not spend some time figuring that out.

Once you lock onto your personality, it will be easier not to be a people pleaser.

Best wishes

[Perna]

You don't have to "be" anyone, you already are you. Think what you would like and that is all you have to do.

I know what you mean about being beholden to the dead. It does get better when they die but they still sometimes seem to have really long arms. I still do things the way my stepmother "trained" me to. It's training. Guess we have to enroll in a different school for a long period.

[pegasus]

(((((((((( Griffe )))))))))))

Your post rang so true for me. I was brought up that way. I had no voice. I was told I was dumb and stupid. And yet living in the shadows can feel some how safe too. But you recognise that you feel trapped. Change is difficult but it's not impossible.

You already have an understanding of the way you are and why, so you are half way there to changing it.

You can try little social experiments where you let the real you have a voice. See what reaction you get. Can be scary but worth doing.

Take care.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((( Griffe )))))))))))

Thanks everyone... just feeling so down and trapped in emotions I know are bad. So hard to describe the feeling, yet I know it so well

[wickedwings]

((((((((((((griffe)))))))))))) just be yourself. i know you feel like you have no voice, but you do.